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And to make matters worse....there wasn't enough of us to use the dining by room, so we decided to all sit in the kitchen. We have a small kitchen table that seats 4-5, and a huge island that can seat 4-6.
So you decided that your adult step-daughter and her fiancé weren't important enough to you for you to use your dining room so that they could sit at the same table with you, your husband and her grandparents?
The dining room wouldve held 8, leaving 2 alone in the kitchen. At least in the kitchen, everyone was in the same room....some at island, some at table.
Perhaps I haven't been clear....she was running late & said to go ahead & start, so we did. There was plenty of seats for 8 of us in the kitchen. She & fiancé arrived mid-meal. I was up from the table, checking on those at the island & getting myself a refill. She came in, grabbed my unoccupied chair at the table, pulled up an extra chair for her fiancé, and that left me without a seat. She didn't say "are you done?" "Who was sitting here?", nothing.
Yes, my husband should've spoken up and said I was sitting there but like I said he's oblivious. We figured someone would be done eating by the time she & fiancé arrived and it wouldn't be an issue.
I don't really know her mother wel enough to have an opinion of her. But my step son is very well-mannered and he learned it somewhere. So either she didn't learn (unlikely) or chooses not to use manners toward me.
Ok, ok.... We did have 10 seats! Island has 4 chairs & another 1 or 2 can easily be added. Kitchen table has 4 chairs but pulling in an extra one it seats 5 just fine. Beyond that, it gets crowded. My inlaws & husband were at the table, leaving 1 empty chair. She took that spot and pulled up the 5th chair for her fiancé. My stepson sat at the island without a problem. He is 18 and I know he's a picky eater, but he didn't bring his own bag �� .
I've learned my lesson regarding seats. But out dining room wouldve have held all 10. It can hold 8, so then we still would've had a couple people isolated in the kitchen. I think we need a bigger kitchen table
It's just the whole thing....she never says 'thank you',is very demanding & rude. My husband is oblivious to this. I think it's ironic bc she's planning a very large "formal" wedding and she hasn't the first clue about etiquette.
If you had 10 people and 10 seats, everyone had a seat. Are you just upset because you ended up at the "kids table" (island)?
I'd also be willing to forgive the taco bell, since this was a "casual" dinner at her own dad's house. I just don't think any of this is that big of a deal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
I am sensing an undercurrent of general disapproval and dislike of your stepdaughter, and perhaps some buried anger at your husband.
How well do you get along with his ex wife/her mother?
I predict you will tell us that the ex is crazy/mean/criminal/a terrible parent.
The dining room wouldve held 8, leaving 2 alone in the kitchen. At least in the kitchen, everyone was in the same room....some at island, some at table.
You couldn't have squeezed in two extra chairs at the dining table?
Quote:
Perhaps I haven't been clear....she was running late & said to go ahead & start, so we did. There was plenty of seats for 8 of us in the kitchen. She & fiancé arrived mid-meal. I was up from the table, checking on those at the island & getting myself a refill. She came in, grabbed my unoccupied chair at the table, pulled up an extra chair for her fiancé, and that left me without a seat. She didn't say "are you done?" "Who was sitting here?", nothing.
If that's the case then it sounds like it could have been rude or a misunderstanding. If your plate and glass were gone she probably thought you were done and the seat was available, or she could have just been rude and not even cared. It's hard to say without being there.
The dining room wouldve held 8, leaving 2 alone in the kitchen. At least in the kitchen, everyone was in the same room....some at island, some at table.
Perhaps I haven't been clear....she was running late & said to go ahead & start, so we did. There was plenty of seats for 8 of us in the kitchen. She & fiancé arrived mid-meal. I was up from the table, checking on those at the island & getting myself a refill. She came in, grabbed my unoccupied chair at the table, pulled up an extra chair for her fiancé, and that left me without a seat. She didn't say "are you done?" "Who was sitting here?", nothing.
OK, you never said that up to this point. I doubt she took your seat on purpose. She saw an empty seat and sat down. It would have been more polite to ask. It would also have been polite to provide 10 seats for the 10 people you were expecting, even if 2 were going to be late.
You know, if she thought they were going to miss dinner, it is more understandable that she'd bring her own food.
In any case, let it go. It isn't that big of a deal.
How often does stepdaughter see her Dad and her Grandparents? At some point separating the kids from the adults just doesn't make sense anymore and that time is when the kids are adults and teenagers. I can see why you were upset that she swooped in and took your seat but I can also see why she'd want to actually sit with her Dad and Grandparents at Christmas.
She wasn't DISSING you. I doubt she was even thinking about you. She was being SELF-centered and immature. You are turning this into a bigger deal than it is.
Save yourself the angst from now on and stop expecting people to abide by your unwritten rules of etiquette. You will be happier.
So you think a "22 year old engaged woman" should sit at the kid's table? You "did most of the cooking" but your "MIL brought the ham and fruit salad and lots of deserts"? You had 10 guests and only 8 seats? Maybe you should look at your self a little more critically and give your DIL time to fully mature.
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