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The story keeps changing, from the dining room was too big for just those at the dinner so ate in the kitchen, as her husband like things less formal. Then it turned to not being big enough for every one to sit at the same table. And changes, and changes, and changes, all to make the OP look good, and this young woman look bad.
I am a step father, so I know what a step parent should act like. In our home, there is no such thing as step in our feelings and actions towards one another. The OP on the other hand, keeps reminding everyone that it is a Step Daughter, and does it in such a way to make it known she is not the same caliber as the other people at the dinner were. She is beneath the OP and she wants to keep her there. This girl knows how the OP feels about her, and the friendly faces she was there to be with were her father and grandparents. It is very apparent she is not close to the young children the OP wanted to put her with. To be half way comfortable she wanted to sit with the people she loves and is comfortable with and came to be with.
The OP had other ideas, wanting to isolate her away from her father and grandparents. The OP lost the power battle, and is angry about it is very clear.
As to the Taco Bell. When you have a guest that you know cannot or will not eat the main course, any decent hostess will make sure that there is a replacement main course for that person as several people have pointed out. The OP did not do what a good hostess would have done. The young woman apparently knows this would be the case, so brought something that she could eat. It is terrible when a hostess pulls something like this enough times, that a guest has to bring along Taco Bell to have a main course.
It is very apparent the hostess (OP) has done things like this often enough that the young woman knows it is going to happen so she comes prepared with something she can/will eat.
When she saw that the OP was going to try to force her to sit away from the friendly faces there at the dinner which were her father and grand parents she took things into her own hands and sat with them anyway. She wanted to have a chance to visit and be with the people she came over for Christmas to be with, her father and grand parents.
In fact when there is a toddler that is only 2 years old, it would not be considered in polite society acceptable that the mother would want to sit the small child at another table, and put this young woman and her fiance there to look after this baby.
She knows enough to know it is the mothers place to be with her small child and help this baby which is what the 2 year old baby needs, so the young woman made it possible for the mother to have a seat there with her own baby. So she really was the one that wanted to make it possible for the mother to sit with her tiny child, while she sat with her father.
The OP keeps changing her story every time someone makes a good point. In the business and social world, this has a name. It is called damage control. It means keep changing the story, to cover your screw up, trying to come out looking good.
I'm flattered that some of you think I'm clever & devious enough to plot, scheme & plan this like a set-up.
If you had read all the posts (which I realize is a tall order at this point), you would know that:
1) this was the first time we had Xmas dinner at our house
2) MIL brought the offensive ham
3) MIL has served the offensive ham at every Xmas dinner I've been part of with this family, and no one has ever brought their own food
4) MIL is the girls grandmother
5) at all previous Xmas dinners, DH & I and my inlaws sat at the table while ALL the kids (except toddler) sat at the bar. Why should I think this arrangement would be different just bc the location changed from inlaws house to ours?
Some may think I'm making this up as I go along but actually I'm just adding minute details that are only pertinent bc I've been grilled, examined & cross-examined on every aspect of this meal, from the dishes served to the style of chairs I have in my kitchen.
I don't really care anymore because I went past the beer and into the vodka and ate a bean burrito just to see how Taco Belle feels, and I think I am in love with Taco Bell. Next Christmas we might have a burrito bar for dinner, and I will invite you all. If you are late, you will sit at the kid's table with Baby James. Night all.
I don't really care anymore because I went past the beer and into the vodka and ate a bean burrito just to see how Taco Belle feels, and I think I am in love with Taco Bell. Next Christmas we might have a burrito bar for dinner, and I will invite you all. If you are late, you will sit at the kid's table with Baby James. Night all.
Is that a formal invite or just a thought? I will gladly attend late just to meet baby james.
I'm flattered that some of you think I'm clever & devious enough to plot, scheme & plan this like a set-up.
If you had read all the posts (which I realize is a tall order at this point), you would know that:
1) this was the first time we had Xmas dinner at our house
2) MIL brought the offensive ham
3) MIL has served the offensive ham at every Xmas dinner I've been part of with this family, and no one has ever brought their own food
4) MIL is the girls grandmother
5) at all previous Xmas dinners, DH & I and my inlaws sat at the table while ALL the kids (except toddler) sat at the bar. Why should I think this arrangement would be different just bc the location changed from inlaws house to ours?
Well I guess this year step daughter was over it and decided to switch things up.
Quote:
Some may think I'm making this up as I go along but actually I'm just adding minute details that are only pertinent bc I've been grilled, examined & cross-examined on every aspect of this meal, from the dishes served to the style of chairs I have in my kitchen.
I don't really care anymore because I went past the beer and into the vodka and ate a bean burrito just to see how Taco Belle feels, and I think I am in love with Taco Bell. Next Christmas we might have a burrito bar for dinner, and I will invite you all. If you are late, you will sit at the kid's table with Baby James. Night all.
I must say a burrito bar for Christmas dinner sounds amazing.
I must say a burrito bar for Christmas dinner sounds amazing.
Doesn't it? And now that I think of it I am offended too. We have many men named James in our family and none of them are black. Why not? I think I have had one too many glasses of Smirnoff. Maybe if the OP had served it things would have been happier at Christmas dinner.
At the same time, this is MY home and I don't have to put up with anyone acting disrespectfully to me or my children.
What did she do to your children? Not bring Taco Bell for them? Doesn't seem like she said anything to them during this meal. You can't keep bringing up the past. You need to be an adult and MOVE on! Clearly you are holding on to every single thing she has ever said. You need to get a grip. Treat her like you treat the children you birthed.
And it's not MY home....it's OUR home....as in you, your husband - HER father, and the children you both have.
Thank god my step-dad was not like you and I fully admit that I was an asshat as a teenager. I actually call him my dad. He chose to be a dad.....not a step-dad. You are choosing to be a step-mom....a wicked one at that.
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Originally Posted by TN2HSV
Make sure there are enough chairs at a TABLE for anyone & everyone who might show up, no matter what time.
Either make place cards or don't expect to sit anywhere specific.
I have to ask.....for everyone who thought it so awful that I didn't have ONE table with enough chairs for everyone (even those who were late), do YOU have one table that sits 10-12 people? If not, what do you do? Who decides who sits where? Do you make place cards?
Like I said earlier, my dining room table will accommodate 8. That would've still left 2 people who would have to sit in the kitchen. Who should those 2 have been? (I asked this earlier but don't think I got an answer)
This HAS been answered at least 20 times! You either get a folding card table and add it to your dining room table OR you put 2 extra chairs at the table and rub elbows. No one will die. My table has 6 chairs and I've put 10 people at it! Folding chairs are an amazing thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
True, but she's not MY family, so I can call her a little twit if I want.
That's just rude, unnecessary, uncalled for behavior from an adult. It also only adds fuel to the fire.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeachSalsa
OP, you have GOT to dial this back....your husband very likely resents your treatment of HIS child, his daughter. The house is also presumably HIS house, and he would probably like HIS daughter to visit and to feel welcomed. If she tells him she does not feel welcomed due to you, how do you think that makes him feel?
Imagine this....you somehow get removed from the picture in the future (divorce, or heaven forbid, death), and your DH remarries when your little James is a teen. The new wife has no time for James, thinks he's a spoiled brat, knows he does not eat ______, but only provides ________. He stops by his dad's house for dinner, but it's awkward, because the new woman clearly does not like him......
How would you feel about the treatment of James?
Excellent question! Excellent way of putting someone else in the same shoes as the step-daughter.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
These bits of info, plus the fact that she took your seat (mentioned several posts into the thread) could potentially have sent this whole thread in a different direction.
You said this: And to make matters worse....there wasn't enough of us to use the dining by room, so we decided to all sit in the kitchen. We have a small kitchen table that seats 4-5, and a huge island that can seat 4-6. My inlaws got their plates first and sat at the table, of course. My husband joined them while I was getting the younger kids situated at the island. Step-daughter & fiancé arrived and she plopped her Taco Bell sack down at the last place available at the table and pulled up an extra chair for her fiancé, leaving me, the hostess, without a seat at the table. Sort of, adding insult to injury.
Your original post implies that everyone was just getting seated, you hadn't yet sat down because you were helping the kids, and that's when she sat down. You even call the seat "available." That is completely different than what you just said.
This story has changed like the tides! I should start taking notes!
Seems to me that the OP is COMPLETELY missing the whole point of Christmas! Such holiday joy and cheer.....I can't stand it!
I feel like i need a case of microwave popcorn and a case of bubbly to read all this....Can't believe I'm staying up late to read it all.....it's like a soap opera.....how sad is that?
I'd say it is rude to bring it in. Why wouldn't you just eat it in the car?
She could be like me. I don't eat in my car. The only beverage allowed is bottled water. No one is ever allowed to eat in my vehicle. It's not a restaurant.
Will Taco Belle be married by next Christmas? I think the family should have Christmas dinner at her house.
Me too, and everyone should bring ham.
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