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What a neat thread. Every emotion known to man, plus I've never seen black mentioned this many times without a hint of racism. OP, if you have another baby, boy would I have fun telling SD the names you're considering. <evil grin>
As far as what Belle did: If she never felt the need to bring her own food to GM's, she did it to SM as a dig. In her own passive-aggressive way, she was saying OP's food wasn't good enough for her. She also enjoyed the thought that SM cooked enough for her, and she got to turn it down. Moving SM's plate was a dismissive move.
I disagree with others, that she shouldn't be trying to build a relationship with OP's girls and Sweet Baby James. Belle is an adult, and if SM has to learn to love her, then she can return the favor towards the kids. Family is family, blood doesn't matter.
And OP did the right thing. She was cool at the dinner, and waited to vent here. To bad she had the CD dream team interrogate her, but lucky for us she wasn't ran off. Kudos OP for taking a licking and fighting back. I would have taken my chair, ham & black kid and ran for the hills.
I cant wait for the wedding thread, and I'm eternally grateful Belle didn't bring a bag of McDonalds.
Or eat? What a wonderful dinner.....no meat to eat because the step-daughter doesn't eat ham.....no place to sit.....wow I beat she felt oh so welcomed! How come I get the feeling that this wasn't the first time she was slighted by the OP....highly doubtful that it will be the last.
Last year for Thanksgiving, we were invited to dinner at his aunt's house. We live 2 hours away. I offered to make a side dish and a dessert. When we left our house, it was snowing. We drove over an hour and a half in snow and horrible snow drifts. My husband was in constant contact with them our entire drive. I was the one driving so he was texting family members. We finally arrived after 2 hours of white knuckle driving only to find out that they have already eaten! We were 10 minutes late. TEN minutes.
I was VERY upset. They couldn't wait 10 minutes for guests to arrive knowing we were in horrible weather. They stuck us in the back of the dining room. We had to ask each person to get up so we could be seated. All of the food was stone cold. Everyone was done eating. All the children had left the table and were playing. We weren't even offered all of the food.....just what was on the back table we were seated at. No one ate the side dish or dessert I brought.
I spent the rest of the afternoon in the basement watching Disney movies with the kids. No one his family spoke to me. We had been married for 18 years at that point.....it's 19 now.
When we left, I said to my husband in the car, NEVER again will I attend his family's Thanksgiving dinner. We weren't welcome and were treated like crap. They knew we were late and why.....not because we were having a great time. We have no control over the weather. I was STARVING when we left because so little food was offered to us....like we were some freaking peasants. We ended up eating at Cracker Barrel on our way home.....completely random strangers were far kinder to us. Lesson learned!
Why would anyone risk their lives to drive in those conditions? Over a turkey dinner?
You only drive in that weather if it is an absolute emergency, like you have to get to a hospital as you're about to give birth, not over a dinner.
How have they treated you the last 18 years? You certainly knew them long enough to speak up and say "what's going on here?".
"We no longer host this sadly because of family issues on both sides. I was very upset when I canceled it last year. This was my first happy Christmas in years! I didn't spend 3 days in the kitchen making dozens of dishes for people who didn't like me. I mean I've been married to the man for over 19 years clearly I'm not going anywhere so get over yourself and if you can't, then we just can't be in your life anymore. It was soooo nice having a stress free Christmas! No one barking orders or complaining there are only 2 shrimp left. The quiet was lovely!"
Pretty serious family drama to cancel altogether! I'm sure you're well-equipped to pass judgment on others & give advice.
Not knowing what others may be facing, your own judgment skills aren't all that sharp. I was a step-child in two families so I know a bit about that.
As a side note, Carol Channing, famous actress, always carried her own food and bottled water with her when invited out to dinner. Even when attending public events such as awards dinners. Of course, being a celebrity, no one thought to condemn her for this, instead chalking it up to eccentricity.
I'm pretty sure that step parent issues are universal in western societies.
Not like here in the US. The USA takes the CAKE in terms of dysfunctionality.
Europeans look at Americans as not having a clue, and generally gluttonous, inspired by self interest only.
This has all turned kind of lighthearted, so I hope you're just joking about this. Doing something like that could turn into a giant snowball as it rolls down hill.
I can just see her calling her dad crying and saying something like...I just don't feel like I fit in, so I'm going to be skipping Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. from now on. Worse yet, she could also call the grandparents and do the same with them. And then...rolling, rolling, rolling...pretty soon dad's son calls with the same news because the daughter has pulled the sympathy card with him too.
You have to ask yourself how dad, granny, and gramps will feel if the daughter and/or son pull away from family functions because of your joking. It might generate some ill feelings toward you from all three.
When you bring taco bell to someone else's home who prepared dinner for you, you open yourself up to all sorts of ridicule. I think it's perfectly appropriate that the SD get taco bell gift cards for Bday and Christmas. If she cries to dad then not only does that show her lack of maturity but shows her lack of humor. Compared to what I would have done, this seems a lot nicer.
So far, I've learned that I'm a rude guest because I often don't eat at holiday dinners. I don't bring in my own food, but I don't eat something just to be polite either.
Not like here in the US. The USA takes the CAKE in terms of dysfunctionality.
Europeans look at Americans as not having a clue, and generally gluttonous, inspired by self interest only.
This is called "projection."
I've had plenty of European friends over the course of my life. Their families are no "less dysfunctional" than ours are in general, and they have very similar dynamics and relationship issues - often identical ones. Just over the past couple of weeks, in fact, I've been corresponding with a European friend who is anxious about her relationship with her son and his new wife and the new in laws. Her anxiety and their family issues sound exactly like ones I've heard from American friends.
As for whether some Europeans think that Americans are generally gluttonous or inspired by self interest only, or "clueless" (yeah, that term really carries a lot of weight....errr, not) - I don't know them and don't care. They don't know me, and none of us will likely ever have the slightest impact in each others' lives.
Why are you trying to turn this thread into a "Europeans are superior" sort of thread anyway? This really has nothing to do with the topic at hand.
Carry on and Happy New Year! Or, as they say in various European countries (complete with fireworks - hey, like the ones we have here!):
Urte berri on!
Laimīgu Jauno gadu!
Šťastný nový rok!
Godt nytår!
Gelukkig nieuwjaar!
Bonne année!
Frohes neues Jahr!
Felice anno nuovo!
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OP, if you have another baby, boy would I have fun telling SD the names you're considering. <evil grin>
