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This was the first Christmas dinner at OUR house. My inlaws recently downsized significantly (like I said, they're 78 & 80 yrs old.). She never brought her own food to my MILs. But apparently it was OK to bring to my house. I never noticed my MIL providing any other meat besides ham at Christmas.
You want to hear our menu, since you think this poor girl had to bring her own food to avoid starving? We had ham (obvi), sweet potato soufflé, regular mashed potatoes, green beans, baked beans, creamed corn, rolls & a pound cake. (I made all that). My MIL brought ham, a fruit salad, cookies & some candy. In addition, I had various crackers, cheese balls, hummus, chips, etc.
But I guess it wasn't enough!
If she is a picky eater like I am, she would have only eaten mashed potatoes and rolls. Yes, that's a wonderful FAMILY Christmas dinner! Sorry, but a cheese ball doesn't cut it for someone to have as their dinner.
And yes REALLY I only eat ham, mashed potatoes, and rolls on the list above. Like I said, I'm a picky eater. I don't eat Taco Bell though.
FYI It's not just your house. It's her father's house as well. You should act like it. You really are condescending to her. We clearly see this is a strained relationship......has been for years. And unless you put your big girl panties on and treat her like everyone else, this will only continue to go downhill. Also do everyone a favor at her wedding, treat her like a princess that day. Keep your mouth shut! Keep your opinions to yourself! I can only imagine how her wedding is going to be all about you and how you were snubbed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PennyLane2
I have to admit that some of this has made me laugh, especially the Taco Belle part .
OP - It might help you come to terms with your anger if you try to think about it from your husband's perspective.
As far as your step daughter taking your chair, that just might have worked out better than if she had sat at the bar with the other children who she doesn't even talk to. Imagine your husband's feelings watching his daughter being so uncomfortable and not enjoying the limited amount of time that she spends in his home. And please don't say that he wouldn't have noticed because parents do notice how their child is feeling, or good parents do anyway.
Also, if she had ended up at the bar, your children and other guests at the bar would have probably been uncomfortable too. So now you've got a sad daddy, a miserable step daughter, and some other very uncomfortable family members who would have probably just been wishing that they could escape the whole situation.
Maybe your husband thought you were finished eating, so he didn't say anything to his daughter. On the other hand, maybe he knew but didn't say anything because he could see what was about to go down. He probably just wants his kids to come to his house often, feel welcome, and enjoy their time there. That's understandable.
Your husband seems like he is handling the yours/mine/ours situation pretty well. When his daughter made the remark about the child's name, he quickly put her in her place without going ballistic and filing it on his grudge list. I imagine he knew that she was feeling some jealousy, but it probably upset him just as much as it upset you to hear his daughter say something mean about his son.
Just look at it like you did the ol' give and take thing, did something nice for your spouse, and drop the whole thing.
There's some excellent wisdom in this post! Dr. Phil would be so proud!
At least the ham won't have to go to the car and wade through all the Taco Bell empty bags to get a drink.
Or sit at the table with Little Sweet Black James and wistfully wish he was sitting in the dining room trying to wheedle some beer out of a stingy and pretentious guy who makes his own beer and tells everyone about it.
I was in the other room during this part of the conversation, I was getting supper ready and no we have no beer and do not eat Taco Bell but I did fix barbecue chicken sandwich.
I was in the other room during this part of the conversation, I was getting supper ready and no we have no beer and do not eat Taco Bell but I did fix barbecue chicken sandwich.
I have beer but I'm not in the mood for it. I could be persuaded though to watch a Samuel Jackson movie and eat some Taco Bell. But only the chicken stuff - the beef stuff goes right thru me.
Once I went through the Taco Bell drive through and placed a huge order because I had a bunch of teens in the car and everyone was starving. As many people know, a huge order of Taco Bell can actually be very cheap. Anyway, we got home, and get this - this huge two bags of Taco Bell stuff was NOTHING THAT WE ORDERED. So I called and complained and they told us to come get our real order - for free. Since it was five minutes away, I did that - and now we had four bags of every conceivable Taco Bell offering. Honestly, it was overwhelming - as was the vaporous aftermath of this Taco Bell extravaganza.
It would have been worse if everyone had been wearing kilts - but I digress.
This makes me want to experiment with ham costumes next year at Christmas.
My sister had something similar happen one year. Although they ended up arriving on time only to find out that my bil's family decided to eat early. They ate an hour early, so by the time my sister arrived (on time) everything had already been cleaned up and leftovers put in the fridge. No phone call about a change in time, they just decided to eat Thanksgiving dinner before everyone arrived. That was the one and only time they had Thanksgiving over there.
The story keeps changing, from the dining room was too big for just those at the dinner so ate in the kitchen, as her husband like things less formal. Then it turned to not being big enough for every one to sit at the same table. And changes, and changes, and changes, all to make the OP look good, and this young woman look bad.
I am a step father, so I know what a step parent should act like. In our home, there is no such thing as step in our feelings and actions towards one another. The OP on the other hand, keeps reminding everyone that it is a Step Daughter, and does it in such a way to make it known she is not the same caliber as the other people at the dinner were. She is beneath the OP and she wants to keep her there. This girl knows how the OP feels about her, and the friendly faces she was there to be with were her father and grandparents. It is very apparent she is not close to the young children the OP wanted to put her with. To be half way comfortable she wanted to sit with the people she loves and is comfortable with and came to be with.
The OP had other ideas, wanting to isolate her away from her father and grandparents. The OP lost the power battle, and is angry about it is very clear.
As to the Taco Bell. When you have a guest that you know cannot or will not eat the main course, any decent hostess will make sure that there is a replacement main course for that person as several people have pointed out. The OP did not do what a good hostess would have done. The young woman apparently knows this would be the case, so brought something that she could eat. It is terrible when a hostess pulls something like this enough times, that a guest has to bring along Taco Bell to have a main course.
It is very apparent the hostess (OP) has done things like this often enough that the young woman knows it is going to happen so she comes prepared with something she can/will eat.
When she saw that the OP was going to try to force her to sit away from the friendly faces there at the dinner which were her father and grand parents she took things into her own hands and sat with them anyway. She wanted to have a chance to visit and be with the people she came over for Christmas to be with, her father and grand parents.
In fact when there is a toddler that is only 2 years old, it would not be considered in polite society acceptable that the mother would want to sit the small child at another table, and put this young woman and her fiance there to look after this baby.
She knows enough to know it is the mothers place to be with her small child and help this baby which is what the 2 year old baby needs, so the young woman made it possible for the mother to have a seat there with her own baby. So she really was the one that wanted to make it possible for the mother to sit with her tiny child, while she sat with her father.
The OP keeps changing her story every time someone makes a good point. In the business and social world, this has a name. It is called damage control. It means keep changing the story, to cover your screw up, trying to come out looking good.
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