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My brother just broke up with his girlfriend and since they were renting out a place together, now he doesn't have a place to stay in. He called me up the other day and asked me if it would be possible for him to move in with me for a few weeks until he finds himself a small cheap apartment. I tried to stall a bit of time and told him I was really busy and that we'd talk soon, since we're both studying in NYC. He's my brother, and I love him, and I feel really bad that he and his girlfriend broke up, but this really isn't a convenient time for him to move in with me. At all. First of all, I'm studying 24/7 and when I'm not, I'd like to go out and spend some time with my boyfriend or my friends. I really don't mean to sound insensitive, it's just that I have no time for him at the moment.
I know he needs emotional support and comfort from me. We were really close during High School and had to deal with a lot of family stuff together, and we didn't really have anybody besides each other, but I don't think he realizes that things are different now, and that I'm not always going to have the time or the energy for him. He's a year younger than me and it's actually his first year at Uni so he doesn't really know anybody here. I was kind of happy when he told me he'd be coming to NYC to study, I mean, I have no other family here, so having somebody close to me isn't a bad thing, It's just the fact that my brother thinks I'm somewhat available for him at all times that bothers me.
He's generally really sensitive and he had a really hard time during High School, no friends, no girlfriend, nothing. And loads of bullying because he used to be overweight. I really don't want to upset him by telling him "No. You can't stay." It will hurt him, and then I'll feel really guilty. Our parents are all the way in California, there's no way he can live with them because he's studying here.
Another problem is my boyfriend. Obviously I'm going to have him over at my place, and it's going to be really awkward if my brother accidentally walks in on us in a compromising position. It's already happened before with my boyfriend from High School, my brother walked in on us having sex and it was so incredibly awkward I actually cringe when thinking about it. I don't want a repeat of that.
Bottom line is, I really love my brother, but the last thing I want is for him to move in with me, it just won't work, but I don't know how to tell him, and also, where is he going to go? Ugh this is all so conflicting. He should have just stayed in the dorms, that's true.
How would you feel if you were in his position? How you treat someone when it is not convenient says a lot about you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessica.ross2431
My brother just broke up with his girlfriend and since they were renting out a place together, now he doesn't have a place to stay in. He called me up the other day and asked me if it would be possible for him to move in with me for a few weeks until he finds himself a small cheap apartment. I tried to stall a bit of time and told him I was really busy and that we'd talk soon, since we're both studying in NYC. He's my brother, and I love him, and I feel really bad that he and his girlfriend broke up, but this really isn't a convenient time for him to move in with me. At all. First of all, I'm studying 24/7 and when I'm not, I'd like to go out and spend some time with my boyfriend or my friends. I really don't mean to sound insensitive, it's just that I have no time for him at the moment.
I know he needs emotional support and comfort from me. We were really close during High School and had to deal with a lot of family stuff together, and we didn't really have anybody besides each other, but I don't think he realizes that things are different now, and that I'm not always going to have the time or the energy for him. He's a year younger than me and it's actually his first year at Uni so he doesn't really know anybody here. I was kind of happy when he told me he'd be coming to NYC to study, I mean, I have no other family here, so having somebody close to me isn't a bad thing, It's just the fact that my brother thinks I'm somewhat available for him at all times that bothers me.
He's generally really sensitive and he had a really hard time during High School, no friends, no girlfriend, nothing. And loads of bullying because he used to be overweight. I really don't want to upset him by telling him "No. You can't stay." It will hurt him, and then I'll feel really guilty. Our parents are all the way in California, there's no way he can live with them because he's studying here.
Another problem is my boyfriend. Obviously I'm going to have him over at my place, and it's going to be really awkward if my brother accidentally walks in on us in a compromising position. It's already happened before with my boyfriend from High School, my brother walked in on us having sex and it was so incredibly awkward I actually cringe when thinking about it. I don't want a repeat of that.
Bottom line is, I really love my brother, but the last thing I want is for him to move in with me, it just won't work, but I don't know how to tell him, and also, where is he going to go? Ugh this is all so conflicting.
Your brother needs to be an adult and find a new place to rent. He needs to do this BEFORE he moves out of the old place. If he's renting it with his now ex gf, I would assume if he did things properly he is on the lease too. He can stay there until he finds a new place, she has no legal standing to kick him out. Now, if the lease is in her name and he moved in with her, that's a different story.
Most likely, having to find a place before he leaves his current one will light a fire under him to get it done quickly. If he moves in with you, he'll probably take longer to find a place.
That being said, you are family. I would offer to help him search for a place and help him move, but that you want to avoid him moving in with you unless there are no other options.
Some potential issues unanswered. Is his name on the lease with his ex-gf? How will he handle the unpaid rent if it is?
Does he have the additional funds to pay for new housing?
I would take him in, absolutely. I wouldn't turn away a sibling in need just so I could fool around with a boyfriend. Why can't you use the boyfriend's place? Make it very clear that it has to be temporary, which is all he's asked for.
My brother ... doesn't have a place to stay in. He called me up the other day and asked me if it would be possible for him to move in with me for a few weeks until he finds himself a small cheap apartment. I tried to stall a bit of time and told him I was really busy .... He's my brother, and I love him, and I feel really bad ..... this really isn't a convenient time for him to move in with me. ...... I really don't mean to sound insensitive, it's just that I have no time for him at the moment.
I know he needs emotional support and comfort from me. We were really close during High School and had to deal with a lot of family stuff together, and we didn't really have anybody besides each other, but I don't think he realizes that things are different now, and that I'm not always going to have the time or the energy for him. He's a year younger than me and it's actually his first year at Uni so he doesn't really know anybody here. I was kind of happy when he told me he'd be coming to NYC to study, I mean, I have no other family here, so having somebody close to me isn't a bad thing, It's just the fact that my brother thinks I'm somewhat available for him at all times that bothers me.
He's generally really sensitive and he had a really hard time during High School, no friends, no girlfriend, nothing. And loads of bullying because he used to be overweight. I really don't want to upset him by telling him "No. You can't stay." It will hurt him, and then I'll feel really guilty. Our parents are all the way in California, there's no way he can live with them because he's studying here.
Another problem is my boyfriend.
Having him close to YOU was great for YOU when it fit YOU. Now he needs YOU and you're too busy studying what's happening in your bed.
Yes, you are being insensitive. Don't be surprised in the future when you will need your brother, he will suddenly have no time for you.
Just say you have nothing against him, however you don't want him living with you. Be straight forward!
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