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I am sorry for your loss too . I haven't read your other threads so I don't know what happened in the 12 years . I lost my mom and a brother and 2 lifelong friends this past year but losing a child is something else entirely . Wait and see if you talk with them more ( if possible) to ascertain wheat the situation is .
Kibbiecat, I didn't want to duplicate my other threads. If I wasn't hurting so much I could maybe combine them but there are so many loose threads.
The daughter-in-law called again tonight. My ex told her he'd paid for the cremation & I hadn't contributed anything. I will be so glad when this dealing with them is over. Because of all the drama, my brother and a friend of his are coming with me to pick up the ashes.
My poor baby. What he went through in his life. Enough is enough.
Kibbiecat, I didn't want to duplicate my other threads. If I wasn't hurting so much I could maybe combine them but there are so many loose threads.
The daughter-in-law called again tonight. My ex told her he'd paid for the cremation & I hadn't contributed anything. I will be so glad when this dealing with them is over. Because of all the drama, my brother and a friend of his are coming with me to pick up the ashes.
My poor baby. What he went through in his life. Enough is enough.
Quote:
Originally Posted by meo92953
For those who haven't read the other threads, I apologize. We were close until the last few years when he threatened my family and me.
Sorry, I didn't mean to sound insensitive. I am sorry for you loss. Losing a child is difficult no matter what the circumstances. I just didn't understand how, at the time of the divorce, or in the years since, you weren't aware of what was going on with that part of the family.
Yikes dear one I read your other thread and this is just horrible. It doesn't matter what your ex did with whom ever. Try not to dwell on them. Take care of yourself and do your best to put the pain and dysfunction behind you. Hugs.
GLAD Someone is going with you . The LAST thing you need now is drama .
I agree & trust me, both of them thrive on drama. I had a nightmare about being accosted in the parking lot & someone grabbing my box. I know, it was just a dream but it often pays to pay attention to your dreams. I'm just saying.
For those of you whom I have totally confused, I wasn't sure where to post what. My son & I were very close all through his life until his illness caused him to look at a lot of people in his life as the enemy. When he threatened my family, I felt I had to distance myself. It did not stop the love I have for him, but he was not thinking correctly. He threatened us because we would no longer give him money.
He was on disability & living in an assisted living building. He squandered the money that I gave him on a large expensive tv. He had a tv but I guess he didn't think it was big enough. He also bought a new computer that was over a thousand dollars. That's when I stopped giving him money. I have no idea what he did with his old one, which was only a year or so old.
My daughter in law & I & my son's 1/2 sister had a huge argument at the hospital when my son was in the burn unit. She told him it was her or me & if it was me, he would never see his daughter again. So, at that time I did not see him for five years. When he finally contacted me again, they were divorced.
It was a beautiful reunion until, like I said, I refused to give him more money. My family also quit giving him money. He was just throwing it away.
This is the sadness of mental illness.
I did not & still do not know where my granddaughter is living. I also did not know where my son was, although I knew he was in an assisted living building prior to our break-up so assumed he was in another. I know he was kicked out of the one he was at because he'd threatened a police officer. This I heard from his caseworker. And that's all he could legally tell me. Actually, he probably shouldn't have told me that much.
So, no, it wasn't 12 years, it was 2 or 3 the last time I saw him. And yes, I probably could have fought to see my granddaughter, but I did not want to put her in the middle of her mother & me.
OP, I am SO sorry that you're going through this heartbreak. I have a very seriously mentally ill brother and I can really relate to what you mean by having to distance yourself for your own safety and sanity.
Personally, I wouldn't read too much into the same phone number business. Your ex husband could have very easily been with your ex daughter in law and his granddaughter due to the death of your son - taking care of some business, helping your granddaughter deal with it, etc. Don't take on more anxiety than necessary right now. When the dust settles down, maybe you can try to figure out more about that, but I think that the relationship you probably ought to invest in is the one between you and your granddaughter. If it's at ALL possible, please try to re establish that precious bond.
I am trying. I left her a message on social media with my phone #'s, cell & land line. Actually I have to get a hold of her, not only to give her 1/2 of my ashes, but also because I'd co-signed on a motorcycle my son wanted & ended up paying for it after he was burned. It has sat in the pole barn all these years.
Now I can finally sell it, but need my granddaughter to sign off on the title. I will give her 1/2 of what we get minus repair costs. It has not been used in these 12 years so does need work, but because of the low miles, should get a fair price.
I did explain this to her mother so we'll see what happens.
I should add that my son only paid for two months. I paid the rest.
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