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I was raised to always bring something if I have been invited to someone's house. Whether it's a cake or a bottle of wine or a scented candle or flowers, something! In my family it's considered rude to show up at someone's house empty handed. So if I invited friends over and someone brought a cake, I would think that was a nice gesture on their part and I certainly wouldn't be looking for anterior motives about it.
Maybe you're still not sharing the core of the issue here because I'm still not seeing what she did was wrong and worthy of an angry post about it on CD.
I was as well, my father had a saying "bring something besides yourself", even if the host/hostess said they didn't need anything.
It's called manners, and since they're going by the wayside the OP should be grateful.
Someone likes drama, if there isn't any, let's make some up.
I mean if she had baked three layers cake with different kind of quality chocolates just for us before heading to bar at least then I would've known for sure that the attempt was just to draw attention to herself.
Or you could think like a normal, non-insecure person would think. That she made the three layer cake just because she thought it would be a special treat that everyone would enjoy.
Not really. probably that is part of the issue as well. You can't really say anything critical to that person, I have faced some insults and bad behaviour. When you aren't really able to talk about them they just get bigger in your mind and you start to question even your own behaviour.
For example, a while ago I had some stressful time going on and couldn't concentrate to school at all so it was couple of months that I couldn't take any courses so I didn't even graduate at the time I was supposed to. I had bought a trip earlier mainly as a graduation gift to myself. I didn't graduate but I still planned to go to the trip as I had paid for it. I didn't talk much about the trip as it reminded me of not being able to graduate because of the stressful time I went through. My friend commented the trip that oh, how I absolutely had deserved the trip as I had been so diligent/hard-working in school. Earlier I'd have just ignored the comment but I asked her that was that a sarcastic comment or what, since I haven't taken any courses for several months and she knew about the stressful times and of lack of concentration because of that.
My friend got a terrible attack on me that how I dare to think that she would made such a terrible comment that how terrible friend I think she is. I just apologized, and it was couple of hours that she continued critizing me. She never questioned her behaviour that was her comment probably inappropriate or anything, it was me who had to apologize her.
If I had (mistakenly) made such comment I'd have apologized and that's about it, but she just turned the problem towards me. I just can't understand anyone to have such comment but in purpose, for me to start wondering how I really didn't deserve the trip.
It sounds like the friend is simply getting tired of you blowing everything out of proportion and taking innocent statements as personal attacks.
I have a close friend though I have put some distance between us because of her behaviour. I've always thought that there is something "different" with her compared to any other friend I've had. But in the recent years I've questioned her behaviour even more; she can be negative, very jealous, manipulative and insulting. There are insulting things that she has done or said and some of the comments have been so "sneaky" that only afterwards I have figured out that her actual point was to insult me.
Some time ago I invited her and couple of other friends to have some wine and snacks at my place, I told the specific friend that I've just some wine to serve, she answered me that it is totally fine and nothing else is needed! (since our plan was to head to bar afterwards)
Fiends appeared in my place around 10 PM, and the friend came with a self baked cake. (The type of cake which doesn't require much effort or time but I was still a bit amazed.) For example once in a similar kind of friend gathering I had baked some pastry and she made a comment that it looked so nice....as I obviously have so much more time, as she is so busy with her life so she has to settle for "ready pastry". Yeah, obviously true as I was jobless back then but just as an example how she seems to be unable to pay a compliment without a little insult in it.)
I know this is ridiculously small thing and it was totally informal evening of meeting friends at my place but I just can't help my self thinking about what (actually) was her point. If any other brought a cake I'd just be grateful of the effort and think that she wanted to delight as I didn't have much to serve. But with her it just makes me feel that her pursuit was to embarrass me and have attention to herself. I just find it weird that firstly she says that it's totally okay not having anything besides wine but then she shows up with a cake even though she hardly ever bakes and it was supposed to be just a moment before heading to bar. I know I sound crazy and over-dramatic but I just think this was just an other attempt to make herself look better at my expense. What do you think?
(Sorry about my english. :P)
I have known people like this, so I don't think you are necessarily off the mark. I think her past behavior causes you to question everything she does now. Hard to say what kind of point she was trying to make, or if she was just being polite. I would put even more distance between you and her.
Last edited by Marka; 08-24-2016 at 12:25 AM..
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