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yes, I think he is trying to take advantage. he is counting on you to take care of the kids. he figures you're there anyway so why should it be a problem. try finding roommates with some young women. you don't need to live with a 43 year old man or live with a bunch of kids you have to take care of. move out
This is the main point in my opinion. Plenty of ladies need roommates as well. Being taken for granted is more likely than being taken advantage of here. Crime of opportunity.
FWIW, I had a friend years ago who moved in with another woman, to live in her house because she couldn't afford an apartment of her own. So she lived in this woman's spare bedroom. This woman had 3 kids. But over time, she wanted my friend to do all kinds of favors for her, run errands for her and babysit the 3 children. So eventually, my friend decided to move out because it became too much for her to do all that. It's not an ideal situation at all. I'd much rather have my own apartment, even if it was a very tiny efficiency - at least it's your own place and you don't have to answer to anyone else. It is great to have that freedom. For me, having to live with roommates was often like being trapped in a bad marriage. And I had enough problems going on in my life without having to worry about what my roommate wanted or what I was supposed to be doing for them, or what I shouldn't be doing that might bug them, or whatever. It's a lot of extra work having to live with a person and only worth it to me if it's someone I'm married to.
OP....This is the most telling sentence in your original post..."I did not agree to live here as a live-in babysitter nor have my rent dependent on how available i am to take care of his children".
He is clearly not paying you for cleaning and caregiving.....plus you are paying to stay there. And, he now wants more rent.
People can only take advantage of you if you allow it. At this point you are volunteering to allow him to take advantage by still being there.
I think this will only get more intrusive on your time, and will never be fair to you.
I don't know what rents are like where you live so I can't compare. Asking you to watch the kids if you are available is one thing and that does deserve a consideration. You live there and he can leave the house as long as you are there. That is a sweet deal for him.
The Friday night servitude is not reasonable because things change and you might get a life and want to do something on Friday nights. It sounds like you like the kids and the kids like you.
Personally, I wouldn't want to live with kids. I like them fine but I don't want to live with those that aren't my own because they are loud and messy and generally not good roommates. Good luck to him finding someone to take your place.
I would not pay the extra rent and tell him that the kids are not good roommates and you will move out if that is what he wants. Tell him that you like the kids and would help out 'when you are available' and that's the offer. Take it or leave it.
On a sidenote, I was a single mom for years to teenagers. There was no shared custody and I had them all the time. They were old enough to stay alone by then but I couldn't leave them overnight. It is technically against the law to leave minors unsupervised. This is not enforced, but if there is a problem then it could be. During the custody battle I called law enforcement to find out the real rules, and that is what I was told.
The point is, having an adult in the house is a big benefit to him. He could rent to another adult but what single person wants to live in a houseful of kids, clean up after them and supervise them when Daddy goes out?
Last edited by Veronicka; 09-02-2016 at 11:48 AM..
For those who think she's getting dirt cheap rent--that would be expensive rent here in rural Missouri. My mortgage payment on a decent 3 BR house is only $600.
We have no idea where the OP lives and what the rental market is like there. The fact is, though, that she grabbed the opportunity for discounted rent without agreeing to the terms that discount entailed. Now that the LL is adjusting the rent due to her inability to comply after getting a job (notice that he didn't change the rent when she was available only on occasional Fridays vs. the every-Friday arrangement he'd originally required), she's miffed.
She feels it's unfair. She wants to have her cake and eat it too, without providing the service her discount was based on. If she's not ok with the adjusted rent, she can try to find a place at that lower rent. Chances are that the room will be smaller though, possibly with a shared bathroom down the hall. But who knows? Maybe she'll get lucky. And at least a smaller room, or a room w/o private bath likely would not have noisy kids in the mix.
I know this is probably not germane to the topic, but how does a guy who retains custody of his children get booted from his own house?
And how did kid#3 arrive on the scene? Did he/she just show up on the porch one day and decide not to go home?
As others have stated, the agreement terms should have been clearly stated when you moved in. He's much older than you, so, yes, I would say he took advantage of you then.
But you let a second opportunity pass you by. Your renegotiation should have occurred the moment the third child arrived.
I am betting that he could not make the payments after the divorce and the home went into foreclosure. As far as the other kid, maybe one from a different relationship? The OP did not mention babysitting the third kid before.
It doesn't really matter if it's fair or not. It's his house, and it's probably a fairly informal arrangement (it wouldn't surprise me if you don't even have a lease), so you may not have much leverage.
You can politely say that you'll be moving out shortly, and see if he caves and backs down. Otherwise, you leave.
YES that is ridiculous. The standard for live in nannies is free room and board plus pay OR slightly reduced pay. Not free labor and slightly reduced rent.
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