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I am surprised to see this. I do not live in the Denver metro area, but I have been to Denver many times; it was a big part of a college thesis of mine and my boyfriend's family is from there...and I don't have this experience really at all. Maybe it's different for actual residents like yourself. But most of what I hear about Coloradans is good.
Also, I saw a Broncos playoff game at a popular sports bar in Denver in 2012 and the people were the nicest ever. Even the fans of the opposing team (the Ravens at the time) were treated nicely. I don't know if it's because people were drinking or what
I tend to have a decent time at most bars (mostly suburban, can't get into the hip/downtown vibe at all) here as well. Broncos games are a blast at bars, even when the team isn't that good.
I would encourage OP's girlfriend to find social activities she enjoys. Most of the friends I've made here have come from work, the men's baseball team I play on, or poker. I've lived all over town, but have never had the opportunity to really make friends with any of my neighbors. They don't seem to have reciprocal interest....and I hate it, it is nothing like where I grew up in CA where neighbors were like family.
I just find people here to be lacking general manners on the whole. Don't get me wrong, tons of people do just fine here, I just don't feel like I'm one of them (and I do/have done better in this regard in other cities).
I am surprised to see this. I do not live in the Denver metro area, but I have been to Denver many times; it was a big part of a college thesis of mine and my boyfriend's family is from there...and I don't have this experience really at all. Maybe it's different for actual residents like yourself. But most of what I hear about Coloradans is good.
I agree with this, though I can't speak specifically to Denver. But out in the smaller towns, people are remarkably friendly. I'd be tempted to move there if I could, for that reason.
Sorry disagree, way too soon to start bringing up going home. And who is going home? What if he wants to stay and she wants to go?
She just started a new job in a new state, starting a new job is tough when it's the state you grew up in. Lot of change at once, it's hard and it's easy to feel "I made a mistake and better leave", without giving it enough time.
More time is needed before you make the decision to pack up and go. If she still feels the same way say in March 2017 than you know she just isn't happy.
But not now.
Not necessarily too early. There are plenty of people who early on realize the new city was the wrong move, even though it didn't seem like it would be originally. And there are some people who ultimately can't handle being away from what they grew up in.
I think the OP needs to know where exactly she stands. That conversation needs to be opened. The OP pointed out to her that these things need to take time, and of course she needs to put in the effort. It would be a shoddy thing for the OP to put in so effort and angst if she never gave it a chance. By having the conversation, it will put the onus on her to be more honest about her needs and effort. They can set a time frame and all; when that time frame is up, they can decide then what the next step is. Which could be that she goes back and they break up, or he goes back as well, but that's another conversation to have down the road.
Not necessarily too early. There are plenty of people who early on realize the new city was the wrong move, even though it didn't seem like it would be originally. And there are some people who ultimately can't handle being away from what they grew up in.
I think the OP needs to know where exactly she stands. That conversation needs to be opened. The OP pointed out to her that these things need to take time, and of course she needs to put in the effort. It would be a shoddy thing for the OP to put in so effort and angst if she never gave it a chance. By having the conversation, it will put the onus on her to be more honest about her needs and effort. They can set a time frame and all; when that time frame is up, they can decide then what the next step is. Which could be that she goes back and they break up, or he goes back as well, but that's another conversation to have down the road.
I have to disagree, it's just not enough time.
And if the girlfriend was to move back to Illinois you have to think about jobs. It doesn't look good that you moved to CO, got a job, and after a couple of months moved back. It looks kind of unstable. Employers will think if I hire her is she going to give notice in a few months moving elsewhere?
If you give it several months or a year and move back home people understand that.
The OP says the girlfriend was looking at few states to move to. What's next? Move back to IL and in three months "I think I want to live in CA".
I have been there. As I said earlier I was ready to give up on New Mexico into my first semester of college, I ended up doing the full four years.
Moved out to CA and was ready to go back to NY after a couple of months, that was over 25 years ago.
JMO, I think a lot of younger people today want everything to be instantaneous(maybe due to how fast things move today), well fitting in at a job and developing real friendships still take time, as does getting used to a new city.
And if the girlfriend was to move back to Illinois you have to think about jobs. It doesn't look good that you moved to CO, got a job, and after a couple of months moved back. It looks kind of unstable. Employers will think if I hire her is she going to give notice in a few months moving elsewhere?
If you give it several months or a year and move back home people understand that.
The OP says the girlfriend was looking at few states to move to. What's next? Move back to IL and in three months "I think I want to live in CA".
I have been there. As I said earlier I was ready to give up on New Mexico into my first semester of college, I ended up doing the full four years.
Moved out to CA and was ready to go back to NY after a couple of months, that was over 25 years ago.
JMO, I think a lot of younger people today want everything to be instantaneous(maybe due to how fast things move today), well fitting in at a job and developing real friendships still take time, as does getting used to a new city.
It's just not enough time to give a place.
*I* know it's not really enough time. You clearly get it, as does the OP. The issue is whether the GF gets that and is willing to put it in. Notice: she's the one to broach this subject by asking the OP if he's still happy about the move, which leads me to wonder if she was trying to say or hint something. The OP hasn't really said if she's willing to be more proactive.
Once a person decides the new place is not "it" and put little to no effort or patience in trying, all the time in the world isn't going to cut it. And yes, there many people that are flippant about the consequences, but they'll deal with it either way.
Two months back, my GF and I moved from IL to CO together. The move was initially my idea, but given I can work remotely, a move was dependent on her finding a job. She has said a few times that she always wanted to leave IL and was looking at CA, CO, WA and MA when in college, but happened to get a job in her home town right out of school.
She found a job in March (pretty quickly, actually) and we were moving in July.
Fast forward to now and being here for two months, my GF asks me last night "so are you still happy we moved to CO?" -- My response was, "Yeah. I mean it sucked leaving behind friends and family, but there's so much to do out there and we're slowly exploring and meeting people"
The conversation then shifted to how she really hasn't made a lot of friends and doesn't feel as valued at work as she did in her old job and doesn't feel like she can joke around and confide in coworkers, etc.
I keep reminding her that when she started her prior job, two months in she probably didn't contribute much and probably hadn't made a ton of work-friends yet either. For outside-of-work friends, no one is going to be able to replace your college and high school friends that you've known for almost a decade.
I keep suggesting we go together to a few meetup groups of interests we have or a few other clubs that are geared for adults in their 20's and 30's. Her response is she has a hard time making new friends because she's really shy and quiet and has a hard time relating to others her age. My reply was "If you're never going to put yourself in a situation to meet people, you'll never meet people because you didn't give them a chance".
I'm kind of at a loss at what to do. I'm pretty shy in new groups, but months before we moved, I looked up a few clubs I'm interested in and went a few times. Met a few guys who I now meet up with a couple times a week to work out together. I realize that no matter what and who you meet when you move, it's never going to replace your old friends. But don't you have to give new people a chance?
Congrats on moving out of IL! We finally moved from there too 4 months ago! What about the neighbors? Have you met any yet? Hang outside your house and meet some. Walk the neighborhood. That's what I've been doing and I've met a few great people. Moving out of state is hard. It takes time. Tell her to hang in there!
*I* know it's not really enough time. You clearly get it, as does the OP. The issue is whether the GF gets that and is willing to put it in. Notice: she's the one to broach this subject by asking the OP if he's still happy about the move, which leads me to wonder if she was trying to say or hint something. The OP hasn't really said if she's willing to be more proactive.
Once a person decides the new place is not "it" and put little to no effort or patience in trying, all the time in the world isn't going to cut it. And yes, there many people that are flippant about the consequences, but they'll deal with it either way.
Well she probably is. But I still wouldn't word it with "do you want go back?", because if she says "yes" than you're getting yourself boxed in. Kind of like saying to a kid "you don't want to go to school do you ?" vs. "is there a reason you don't want to go to school?"
I would approach more with "not enough time" angle. It costs money to move, most likely had to change their driver's license's , plates, car insurance, etc. Not so easy to undo, it can be done but you want to make sure you really want to do this.
So if they move back, or she moves back and than decided being back in IL isn't all that great, the OP said she wanted to leave IL and listed a few states she wanted to move to including CO. Also people will smirk and make comments when you move back after a couple of months vs. a year. After a year you can say "it just wasn't for me". That's not the end of the world, at least they tried it, but employers may question how reliable you're going to be, unless she can get her old job back.
The OP said her complaint at work was this The conversation then shifted to how she really hasn't made a lot of friends and doesn't feel as valued at work as she did in her old job and doesn't feel like she can joke around and confide in coworkers, etc.
Well it takes time to form bonds, for you to get comfortable with people and you with them. Maybe it's a generational thing, but not everything is going to happen in 2 months.
It actually took me a year or more to make friends in CA, and a few more years for it to feel like home.
I would really try to get her to stick it out at least another 6 months.
Sounds like she is preempting telling you she wants to go home. You should do whatever you want to do. Continue to meet friends, and decide what is best for you.
But, don't be surprised if she wants to bail.
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