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Going to have lunch with two friends but that is it. I told my mother after working like a dog over the last month and tomorrow being a rare day off, I just need a break, thankfully working two jobs herself in the past, she understood.
I believe if I have the correct poster you have issues with your siblings and their spouses, that happens, but haven't you lived in the same area for a long time?
Are there no friends or neighbors? IF not, why is that?
Feeling sorry for yourself because you don't bother to interact with anyone, and than whining about it at a time of year that is meant for friends and family, well you have to look at yourself and say "how come I am alone?".
The only time I was alone was when I moved from CA to Portland, OR and had a new job about a 15 years ago. I had no family or friends, the one couple I was kind of friendly with(also CA transplants) were going to CA for the holidays. It was tough, but I put myself in a situation where I knew there was no family around and there hadn't been enough time to develop friendships.
Unless you're new to an area and don't know anyone, why do you have to be alone? Do some volunteer work regarding something that interests you, great way to meet people.
Whoa, buddy, don't generalize or stand in judgment. You have no idea why or how people can wind up alone. Not everyone is alone by choice, as you were that one time.
I have no family within my state, and those out of state rarely invite me to join them. Nor have they accepted my invitation to come here. We're all on good terms, but some have health issues, others have young grandchildren, some don't have room, and others travel. Not everyone is physically able to volunteer, and most soup kitchens, etc. turn away excess volunteers at Christmas.
I am retired, have no spouse or children or siblings or living parents. I am involved in lots of activities and have many friendly acquaintances - did you miss the bit about the five already scheduled social events on my calendar between Thanksgiving and Christmas?? Neighbors either go out of town or spend the day with their own extended families - most of my neighbors are young families with their own living parents whom they visit. In addition, my neighborhood has had a great deal of turnover in the last couple of years, and I do not know some of the newcomers very well, despite efforts to be neighborly and welcoming. I am in a different age bracket and that seems to be a barrier with many younger families. Two of my closest friends live a couple of hours away and do not have room for houseguests, and a third one spends the day with in-laws who only host family members.
I do hope this year will be different, but I faced the same situation two years ago and none of my neighbors or other friends came through, although I dropped copious hints. People can be very focused on their own concerns, especially during the holidays. In their defense, though, I came down with flu that previous week and was housebound, pretty incommunicative and trying hard to recover enough to travel on December 26. I am sure some of my friends and neighbors had no idea I was under the weather and alone.
I will be with very good friends both before and after Christmas Day itself. It's the day itself that is unscheduled as of now. And that can be lonely, especially Christmas morning. I may check with a few other single friends to see what their plans are, but I really don't want to have to host a huge Christmas dinner when I am heading out of town shortly thereafter - too much trouble; too many leftovers. But if someone would invite me to join their table, I'd happily bring something to add to the feast (as well as myself and a small gift).
I just bought myself some Christmas presents - books which will be wrapped and eventually put beneath the tree (when I get a tree, probably not before two or three weeks from now) instead of read immediately. I also checked local churches' services for Christmas Day. Christmas is on a Sunday this year, and three churches in my area are having 10:00 a.m. or 11:00 a.m. services. That will give me something to plan for Christmas Morning. I'll be packing on Christmas afternoon.
Others' takes may vary - but please don't tag everyone who is alone or lonely during the holidays as somehow deficient or damaged or unsocial because of random twists of fate which have left us without close family at hand.
We don't need pity or scapegoating. We do need consideration.
Last edited by CraigCreek; 11-23-2016 at 04:32 PM..
And for the very kind person who not only repped me but also invited me to dinner in Colorado, I regret that I am many states away and unable to accept your thoughtful invitation. Much appreciated, though!
Same day last year I nearly killed myself by slipping on the front porch, fracturing my elbow, my wrist, and doing something ungodly to my kneecap. I'll stay inside this year to avoid spending the holidays with medical professionals.
I'm not "feeling sorry for myself." Nor am I "whining." I'm offering a forum if people want to discuss the topic.
But thanks!
I notice you didn't answer why you're going to be alone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek
Whoa, buddy, don't generalize or stand in judgment. You have no idea why or how people can wind up alone. Not everyone is alone by choice, as you were that one time.
I have no family within my state, and those out of state rarely invite me to join them. Nor have they accepted my invitation to come here. We're all on good terms, but some have health issues, others have young grandchildren, some don't have room, and others travel. Not everyone is physically able to volunteer, and most soup kitchens, etc. turn away excess volunteers at Christmas.
I am retired, have no spouse or children or siblings or living parents. I involved in lots of activities and have many friendly acquaintances - did you miss the bit about the five already scheduled social events on my calendar between Thanksgiving and Christmas?? Neighbors either go out of town or spend the day with their own extended families - most of my neighbors are young families with their own living parents whom they visit. In addition, my neighborhood has had a great deal of turnover in the last couple of years, and I do not know some of the newcomers very well, despite efforts to be neighborly and welcoming. I am in a different age bracket and that seems to be a barrier with many younger families. Two of my closest friends live a couple of hours away and do not have room for houseguests, and a third one spends the day with in-laws who only host family members.
I do hope this year will be different, but I faced the same situation two years ago and none of my neighbors or other friends came through, although I dropped copious hints. People can be very focused on their own concerns, especially during the holidays. In their defense, though, I came down with flu that previous week and was housebound, pretty incommunicative and trying hard to recover enough to travel on December 26. I am sure some of my friends and neighbors had no idea I was under the weather and alone.
I will be with very good friends both before and after Christmas Day itself. It's the day itself that is unscheduled as of now. And that can be lonely, especially Christmas morning. I may check with a few other single friends to see what their plans are, but I really don't want to have to host a huge Christmas dinner when I am heading out of town shortly thereafter - too much trouble; too many leftovers. But if someone would invite me to join their table, I'd happily bring something to add to the feast (as well as myself and a small gift).
I just bought myself some Christmas presents - books which will be wrapped and eventually put beneath the tree (when I get a tree, probably not before two or three weeks from now) instead of read immediately. I also checked local churches' services for Christmas Day. Christmas is on a Sunday this year, and three churches in my area are having 10:00 a.m. or 11:00 a.m. services. That will give me something to plan for Christmas Morning. I'll be packing on Christmas afternoon.
Others' takes may vary - but please don't tag everyone who is alone or lonely during the holidays as somehow deficient or damaged or unsocial because of random twists of fate which have left us without close family at hand.
We don't need pity or scapegoating. We do need consideration.
Where did I say I was alone by choice? I didn't. I said I moved from CA to Portland, OR a couple of months before the holiday season. I wasn't thrilled spending Christmas alone, TBH it was awful and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but that's how it worked out.
I asked the OP why are they going to be alone, that's all.
In regards to your situation, you sound like you're certainly healthy enough to travel, if your relatives can't make it to you, than you can go to them.
I wouldn't expect people with health issues to be able to make the invitation you extended.
I never tagged anybody with any labels, I simply asked why do they find themselves alone, that's all.
My dog was put down last week. My husband and father (as well as sister and mother) are dead. My brother - who knows where he and his family will be - we don't speak any more - and he lives a 1000 miles away at any rate. My 3 kids are scattered in different countries - and I haven't had a Christmas or any other holiday with any of them in decades anyway. I will definitely be totally alone.
But, that said, while I too miss the days when I was throwing a large gathering for others during the holidays, the very last thing I want to be is a stray invited to someone else's house, basically interrupting their own family celebrations, because they cannot fathom why anyone doesn't really mind that much being alone. That is not to say I don't appreciate their kind invitation or thoughts about me - but I do try to beg off if invited (which has happened once in recent years - at least by people I was close enough to to actually be able to go had I wanted to).
Having had the best of both worlds - the freedom and the family - I am just content to let whatever will be be. I will have a tree at Christmas and watch the lights and feel the warmth of the season in my own way - and I will be a bit nostalgic - but it is not the end of my world or anyone's if I am alone for a few hours, even if the day is deemed to be a special one. I admit it would be nice to at least hear from my kids but if I really hoped too hard for that I would also be very disappointed if it didn't happen - which I know it most likely will not.
I will miss my dog .. very much. He was worth cooking a Thanksgiving and/or Christmas dinner for. And he always seemed to 'care' and 'need me' .. plus he didn't say he was sending it back when I bought him a nice Christmas treat.
Sorry though .. I really cannot suggest what you might do to fill the day if you have to be alone. I never really find that a problem so I haven't put my mind to a solution.
Let me rephrase this: who is going to BE ALONE on the holidays; that means without an S.O., without friends, without the option of being with your mother, which you're declining. What part of "alone" don't people on City Data understand?
Otterhere,
Thanks for refocusing people on what the thread is about. Alone means ALONE not spending time with anyone else at all tomorrow, not even for a short length of time. I will be and it's by choice. Tomorrow will be the first day that I haven't worked (even working from home) since mid-August surrounded by people, interacting closely with others, troubleshooting, dealing with some people under me who have severe emotional issues, dealing with catty women, and so forth. Will I be sad and lonely? In the past, when I had no choice but to spend the holidays alone, yes, I was sad. I was alone because I was too far from family (due to work/career) and had no significant other at the time so I spent it by myself.
This time? I don't think I'll feel lonely because I'm looking at it as time to recuperate from a very stressful past few months at work and Thanksgiving will be the first day I'll have to do so. Not to mention, I traveled earlier in the month on a 10 hour drive to another part of the country and back the following day. Although I love to travel, it was stressful because it was business related. I'll be traveling again at the start of December, on business, with colleagues so I have enough people time scheduled for me. Yes, I'll be alone tomorrow and I'm looking forward to eating dinner and watching NFL on TV. I'm an introvert so I need and cherish alone time but around holidays, for me it feels better to spend with family/signficant others and/or or friends. However, that's not always possible for various reasons as Craigcreek has wonderfully stated in his post. Hopefully, next Thanksgiving will be different for me, God willing.
Last edited by Klassyhk; 11-23-2016 at 05:13 PM..
Reason: addition, spelling,
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I understand
