Your "I'm Alone on the Holidays" Thread (socializing, retired, Christian)

[tassity22]

I'd much rather spend a holiday alone, than spend it with some of the judgmental posters on this thread.

[Klassyhk]

Originally Posted by otterhere

"Some are just fine being alone...the ones who aren't, your posts are damaging. Just stop."

Actually, as the OP, I intended this thread for anyone who is ALONE on the holidays to share feelings, ideas, experiences, and suggestions, whether they're happy or sad about the situation.

The only thing I object to is people who AREN'T alone on the holidays chiming in, either to gloat or to jeer.

Yes, I'd began to see it as a subversive form of gloating or jeering too. Others were subtly bragging that they didn't have this "problem"; on the contrary they were spending it with Jane, John, or Jack. There were several posts like that which were totally non-applicable to this thread. One of the ones that take the cake was the poster who talked about having a former date over to her place for Thanksgiving dinner who she'd met online week(s) earlier but they lacked chemistry. I'm sure she had a point somewhere in there that she had hoped to make. However, whatever it was, it was totally irrelavant to this thread. Her post belonged on the Relationship thread. Perhaps she was headed there and by some Twilight Zone type mix up ended up here on 'You're "Alone on the Holidays" Thread' and still felt it was a good idea to post about her Thanksgiving date. Lol, sometimes you've just got to laugh at some people as you wonder what were they thinking.

[otterhere]

I think the concept of being TRULY alone is so alien -- and frankly terrifying in an existential way -- to so many in this society that they just can't wrap their minds around it or else they feel the need to deflect the concept or to lash out at it... Bless their hearts!

But back to us...

The cruise idea -- or just travel in general -- is a great idea. Preferably someplace where the Normal Rockwell holiday isn't the norm or quite so "in your face" (unless you don't mind that).

[bizcuit]

Originally Posted by otterhere

I think the concept of being TRULY alone is so alien -- and frankly terrifying in an existential way -- to so many in this society that they just can't wrap their minds around it or else they feel the need to deflect the concept or to lash out at it... Bless their hearts!

But back to us...

The cruise idea -- or just travel in general -- is a great idea. Preferably someplace where the Normal Rockwell holiday isn't the norm or quite so "in your face" (unless you don't mind that).

I took a cruise over Thanksgiving week one year. It was my first TG after my mother died and I wanted to do something very un-Thanksgiving-like. I had been on a cruise before so I knew that I enjoyed it. Anyway, it was really the perfect thing to do that year. They did have a big TG feast on the day, but otherwise the week was all about beaches and Caribbean islands.

[Disgustedman]

Originally Posted by otterhere

Posted this last Thanksgiving ("Is Anyone Else Going to Be Alone?") and heard from some people who weren't going to be alone and apparently just wanted to gloat about that... But if anyone wants a forum for discussing being *actually* alone, here it is...

I was alone, suffering gabapentin withdrawals on advice of my doctor. When I see him again, I'll finish my proctology training. I WAS invited to a dinner but had to pass...I'll be sure to apologize to sister for not taking her up on the offer of a trip to the ER....

[tassity22]

Originally Posted by Klassyhk

Yes, I'd began to see it as a subversive form of gloating or jeering too. Others were subtly bragging that they didn't have this "problem"; on the contrary they were spending it with Jane, John, or Jack. There were several posts like that which were totally non-applicable to this thread. One of the ones that take the cake was the poster who talked about having a former date over to her place for Thanksgiving dinner who she'd met online week(s) earlier but they lacked chemistry. I'm sure she had a point somewhere in there that she had hoped to make. However, whatever it was, it was totally irrelavant to this thread. Her post belonged on the Relationship thread. Perhaps she was headed there and by some Twilight Zone type mix up ended up here on 'You're "Alone on the Holidays" Thread' and still felt it was a good idea to post about her Thanksgiving date. Lol, sometimes you've just got to laugh at some people as you wonder what were they thinking.

The posts I found annoying are those who say if you're alone on a holiday, you are somehow responsible for doing volunteer work that day. Well, so could the non-alone people. They could even take their family with them and all go down to the soup kitchen and volunteer on thanksgiving.


I have nothing against volunteer work. I just don't think only "certain" people should be told to do it and everyone else gets a free pass.

[John13]

Originally Posted by CraigCreek

I'm sorry your day wasn't happier, but it does sound as if it included a few bright moments. As for inquiries about your Thanksgiving, just reply "Quiet - I took it easy and made a few long-distance phone calls". Most people (not referring to those of us here at C-D!) don't want to hear every detail, anyway.

If your depression is due to just being alone at Thanksgiving, that's understandable. If it's more pervasive, however, I hope you'll check with your doctor and see if he or she can help. Meanwhile, get outside on sunny days as much as you can, get a little more exercise (walk around the block, nothing drastic), add more chocolate to your diet (seriously - it can lift your spirits chemically as well as tasting great), and seek out more pleasurable things, like that movie you bought. If you are caught up in bittersweet memories from the past, write them down and consider sending them to far-flung relatives or friends who may share some of those memories. Nostalgia reigns at this time of the year, and while its reign is usually benign and kindly, it can also be painful or bittersweet at best for some of us...

Are you also likely to be alone at Christmas? If so, are you planning any special ways to spend the day that will help counter the alone-ness? Christmas falls on a Sunday this year, so many churches who usually offer only Christmas Eve services will also hold Sunday morning services. Even if you don't regularly attend church, finding a beautiful sanctuary with a compassionate pastor might be a good place to spend some of Christmas morning. Visiting a church which is heavy on liturgical ritual - Catholic, Episcopal, some Lutheran Churches - might help mark the majesty of the day.

Best wishes to you.

Thank you for your thoughtful post and concern. You are a decent person.

You are correct, there were a few bright moments on Thursday. But sleeping as much as I did seems a waste, but maybe not as bad as I'm making it out to be...

I'm atheist and like many Christmas means nothing to me. Can't separate the religion part out of it which likely has to do with a miserable childhood. Being alone on Thanksgiving hurts more and this seems to be the norm for me now. Been alone 4 out of the last 5. The one time I wasn't I wish I was but that's another story, LOL.

I'm tough, just a bit down at this time....

[John13]

Originally Posted by tassity22

The posts I found annoying are those who say if you're alone on a holiday, you are somehow responsible for doing volunteer work that day. Well, so could the non-alone people. They could even take their family with them and all go down to the soup kitchen and volunteer on thanksgiving.


I have nothing against volunteer work. I just don't think only "certain" people should be told to do it and everyone else gets a free pass.

Bolded - Don't do that.

Plenty of articles around the net will point out this is not a good idea at Thanksgiving.

[bizcuit]

Originally Posted by tassity22

The posts I found annoying are those who say if you're alone on a holiday, you are somehow responsible for doing volunteer work that day. Well, so could the non-alone people. They could even take their family with them and all go down to the soup kitchen and volunteer on thanksgiving.


I have nothing against volunteer work. I just don't think only "certain" people should be told to do it and everyone else gets a free pass.

I agree. "Well, you're alone so your time doesn't matter anyway. Go volunteer to make your holiday worthwhile, while the rest of us wallow in our own indulgence and pleasure."

[cattalk1]

Me too.

I'm dealing with in-laws (sister's) who didn't give a damn what happened to me after seeking some psych advice from her about my PTSD, which she refused to answer. Way the other care handled it, I lost my good govt job that kept psych problems away anyway, except for personal issues like PTSD traumas/anxiety. I have more baggage after the in-laws had me attacked by 8 staff even when cooperating, this just undid me with the fresh PTSD showing up and needing to calm down....She COMPLETELY violated policy to mistreat me and we were FINE before this incident as far as I understood. I only got better on my own and back into other employment on my own.

Won't sit in same room with these at any holiday or party any longer. I just refuse as they were working on defamation behind my back and 'track' opportunities to lock me up for good and I am professional with 13 years of FT experience before it all, 12 years more work after nervous break...Did not give a damn about giving me any work after ruining me (had business, housekeeper, yard worker, babysitter but nothing for me) and ended up having to give up my home of 12 years as cops were discriminating against some people REALLY BADLY for unknown reasons, honestly neighborhood had old secret of sex abuse so anything can go on sometimes... if you find this out is better to skip this kind of place even if suburban.

These in-laws started to nose in on family birthday parties and anniversaries for my side, of course these are money bags with nothing but bragging to add to anything. I'm just not welcome anywhere now.

After working for some church situations that were really devil worshippers and I ended up doubting intentions and moving on, I'm not much for holidays any longer. Also checked out some city churches that are nothing short of dirty business network of wrong kind of people.... Haven't been into a church since....

Movie and Chinese anyone? Would volunteer day at charity but for some reason, the times I have done this my vehicle broke down immediately before or after due to the crooked mechanics here as was expecting to drive a ways, so had it serviced before volunteer event. Came out to same anti-freeze puddle 3 times so far...Worse is done to poor suburban families and really isn't any public transit there.

Admit I have a lovely in jail, ex-boyfriend pastor's son got himself into trouble. Rest of his family is now dead and I will accept him without hesitation as local selection of males in 40s has too many mental cases and wife abusers any longer. Rest of nice ones I knew would mess up their own MAMA now. I'm gonna wait on this good one and start some new traditions later.