Your "I'm Alone on the Holidays" Thread (males, judgmental, neighborhood)
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"I will miss my dog .. very much. He was worth cooking a Thanksgiving and/or Christmas dinner for. And he always seemed to 'care' and 'need me' .. plus he didn't say he was sending it back when I bought him a nice Christmas treat."
Are you in any position to adopt a new one from the dog homeless shelter (pound)? What a beautiful way to celebrate the holidays that would be -- for you, for the dog whose world you will change forever, and for the dog who can now take his place in the shelter (most euthanize wonderful, health animals on a regular basis simply for lack of space). Search www.petfinder.com for the perfect match or just visit your own local humane society to find your next best friend.
Save a life; opt to adopt!
Love this post. Sorry about your dog. I can relate to that experience. I have a cat and she's been the best pet ever. Gotten me through many lonely times over the last several years. I also volunteer for a pet charity. This weekend I'm keeping my friend's family dog while they're in Mexico. I don't know what I was thinking, as my cat is terrorized, but did it as an experiment since I also want a dog. Well, I think I've decided to hold off on the dog.
Love this post. Sorry about your dog. I can relate to that experience. I have a cat and she's been the best pet ever. Gotten me through many lonely times over the last several years. I also volunteer for a pet charity. This weekend I'm keeping my friend's family dog while they're in Mexico. I don't know what I was thinking, as my cat is terrorized, but did it as an experiment since I also want a dog. Well, I think I've decided to hold off on the dog.
It's not my dog; I was responding to another poster (see: quotes). But yes; pets are people, too!
Not only me...everyone I know would wonder about this. I have had friends who were estranged from their kids for periods of time. But not ALL their kids. I am a curious person. Family dynamics are interesting to me...so help me understand.
Fine.
My family? Sucks. They are very abusive people. They love to sit there and belittle, in a very underhanded way. They love to sit there and tell you, or anyone else, how much they think you aren't good enough. You haven't done what they think you should have done, so you're not good enough. Wow, let me get dressed up to go to that! Oh boy! I can't wait to spend a few hours listening to someone tell me that I'm a complete failure in their eyes...goody gumdrops!
As for friends...they are, literally, all over the world. They aren't just spread out in this country, they are from other countries, as well. They don't live where I live as I move around a lot. A. LOT. By choice.
When I've spent my holidays alone, sometimes I've been unhappy, other times I've been very happy to be alone. I've been very happy that no one has even invited me because then I don't have to explain why I'd rather be alone with my pets. It's like an earlier poster stated - they would rather be with their dog...to the point that the people that know that poster preface their invitations with, "I know you would rather be with your dog..." I laughed with that because I totally get it.
Yes, in my early adult years, there were times when I was unhappy about being alone on holidays. I would not have found posts from those who weren't, demanding to know why, to be helpful at all, just as those who ask after the holidays why you were alone, and give that "tsk" and pity frown are not helpful. Great. You weren't alone. That's fantastic for you. Truly, it is, but since you cannot relate to those who are alone, whether they are happy or not, insisting that you need to know to satisfy your curiosity, you're not actually helping like you think you are. It comes across as some kind of scientist inspecting a bug under a microscope - these people are not a show for you, they are not a project, and no one needs to justify their reasons for being alone.
To AtlGuy - I think the cruise idea is fantastic. I used to work for a cruise line, (two, actually), and have taken cruises as part of a perk of the job. You either love it or hate it, but if you love it, watch out, you'll get addicted to it. You will meet a lot of very nice people on those cruises. Join the activities onboard. Some cruises have things like trivia games, or Bingo or whatever, and even if you don't particularly care for those games, go for the social atmosphere and meet new people.
The thing about cruising is, it really can be its own little world. If you find that you like it, and you go on more, you may end up running in to some of the same people. There's a forum for cruisers...it's called "Cruise Critic" (I don't know if I'm allowed to link to that or not...just Google it), where people who like to cruise, who have a lot of experience with it, will talk about their next cruise they are planning, will have a TON of information that you won't even get from the cruiseline, but will save you some grief along the way...so go check it out as part of your preparation.
You'll learn how to handle shore excursions better, little tips along the way to keep yourself and your money/credit card safe, hidden places that the big market shore excursions won't take you, what to do on the first day when you board (get in to those dinner lines to sign up for the reservation only restaurants...trust me, do it before you do anything else after dropping off your bags in your stateroom), etc.
I hope you enjoy it. I hope you meet people. I hope you can go on more, and start running in to those same people and build up some good, lasting friendships. It can very easy to do with cruisers.
As for volunteering - yes, you have to sign up early. You cannot decide a week or two before that you want to volunteer. I found that out when I lived in Maine. My first Christmas in Maine, I wanted to volunteer at the soup kitchen because I didn't know that many people so had nowhere to go. I was happy as a lark, regardless, because I was in Maine, it was snowing, I couldn't have been more thrilled with life at that moment. I just didn't have any place to go. Turns out, I couldn't volunteer, either, because they had all the help they could get, and then some.
For those with dogs, they already know this but taking the dogs for a good, long walk on the holidays is actually the best time. There's no one out. You get the parks, the trails, the woods all to yourself. It's fantastic. I can even take my boy, who hates other dogs, out and not worry, because we will be the only ones hiking that trail.
There's been times that I've bought all the traditional dinner stuff and made my own Thanksgiving with just me and the pets. We all sat down to dinner together...they weren't at a table, of course. Come to think of it, neither was I. I got my plate set up, got the pets their little holiday dinner together, we all ate, and I watched whatever it was that I wanted. Usually some dvds like a Black Adder marathon, or Monty Python, or Gilmore Girls, or movies that crack me up.
What I like most about those times is that I can go for seconds if I want, because it's MY food that I bought, so there's no need for manners in that case. I don't have to get dressed up. I pad around in my pajamas the entire day. I don't sit at a table...I sit back on the couch if I'm watching a DVD, or I sit on my bed if I want to stream something on my laptop, eat and watch. I light candles, turn off the lights, (when I lived where there was an actual winter), and simply enjoy that no one is around me...just the pets. And boy are they thankful for that turkey dinner.
If you're truly lonely, you want to socialize but don't have a place to go to do that, there's always the internet. There's always millions of people on the internet to socialize with. You don't have to just go to this forum, (sorry CD), and no, not everyone on the internet is a hatefilled monster who says nasty things...there's a lot of hilarious people on the internet, as well. There's a lot of nice people on the internet. You can get to know people that way, as well. My best friend is someone I met on the internet in 1996. We are still friends, to this day, yes we have hung out in person, and is a better friend to me than just about any other friend I've ever had - so don't knock 'making friends with people on the internet', it's absolutely possible.
This Christmas, I will be alone. I don't even mind. I plan on buying two cartons of egg nog and drinking it until I'm full. I might game all day. I might do a TWD marathon, I might grab my disc set of the old Gilmore Girls and watch them all again...well, as many as I can that day. I might just work. No matter what, this year, I am going to be extremely happy to be ALONE!
My sister and niece both work. I will "visit" my mother. She has dementia, so she won't remember I was there.
My birthday also falls just before Christmas and I will also be alone on that day.
Every single person in my department has to share what they're doing for the holiday. I can't stand when they ask and I always try and deflect. "looking forward to quiet time" or something like that.
I also feel pressure on social media. I like FB for inspirational quotes, puppy and kitten videos, etc, but I have a hard time wading through some of my "friends" with all of their posts of how much fun they're having. I wish I could hide my profile online until after January 2nd.
My sister and niece both work. I will "visit" my mother. She has dementia, so she won't remember I was there.
My birthday also falls just before Christmas and I will also be alone on that day.
Every single person in my department has to share what they're doing for the holiday. I can't stand when they ask and I always try and deflect. "looking forward to quiet time" or something like that.
I also feel pressure on social media. I like FB for inspirational quotes, puppy and kitten videos, etc, but I have a hard time wading through some of my "friends" with all of their posts of how much fun they're having. I wish I could hide my profile online until after January 2nd.
I totally agree about work and FB. I hate FB. You can hide your profile. Thats not a bad idea for both of us. for me, what really gets to me is seeing all the happy families with young kids. I wanted that and it didn't happen for me. Too late now. I was at Trader Joe's earlier today and there was a woman in there with an adorable little girl around 4 years old. I noticed how sweet and polite she was when the cashier gave her some free candy. Breaks my heart I don't have that. Its certainly 100x worse this time of year.
PhureeKeeper and Altguy39, if I am spending a holiday solo, I avoid or disable social media directly before and after the occasion.
Social media is a happiness competition and it's most competitive on major holidays.
PhureeKeeper, my dad's birthday is Christmas and he hates it so as a family we celebrate on a random weekend in September. Perhaps you could get creative and choose when to celebrate your birthday. Same with choosing to have Christmas on a day your sister and niece aren't working.
Spent Thanksgiving on the road with my dogs. Had a Subway sandwich for dinner. Honestly, unless I can spend it with my family, it's just another day for me and it doesn't bother me.
Currently, though, I'm stuck in a hotel in Missouri for the weekend due to my car needing a major repair. THAT and my dogs being restless bothers me more than being alone. Truth is, I relish my alone time.
On the road yesterday, the conditions were great and I had a fun audiobook playing over the speakers. My friends are following my trip on Facebook, so I'm posting little notes and responding to comments. I wish I could have continued driving, but I'll just have to deal.
My sister and niece both work. I will "visit" my mother. She has dementia, so she won't remember I was there.
My birthday also falls just before Christmas and I will also be alone on that day.
Every single person in my department has to share what they're doing for the holiday. I can't stand when they ask and I always try and deflect. "looking forward to quiet time" or something like that.
I also feel pressure on social media. I like FB for inspirational quotes, puppy and kitten videos, etc, but I have a hard time wading through some of my "friends" with all of their posts of how much fun they're having. I wish I could hide my profile online until after January 2nd.
One thing to keep in mind about FB, is that you only see what people want you to see. They keep the ugly misery to themselves.
Two examples:
1. A friend I know in real life posted on Christmas eve one year. It was a big gathering and they were all dressed up and singing Christmas carols and appeared to be having a lovely, Norman Rockwell time.
However, when I talked to her the next week and told her how nice it all looked, she rolled her eyes. While all the festivities were going on downstairs, her husband wandered upstairs and discovered that his mother and her husband were in a huff and packing up to leave. The mother said that the husband's young son had been rude to her and she wasn't going to stand for it. The husband then spanked the son who started crying and having a meltdown. Then he had to talk his mother and step-father into staying. It was all a whole bunch of tacky drama that never made it to FB.
2. Another FB friend is characteristically upbeat. She posts lots of photos of her beautifully decorated home, pool, and RV and always has something nice to say about pretty much everything. Out of the blue about a month ago she posted something along the lines of "The f****** holidays are here again. Can't wait til it's all over." I messaged her and said, "Are you okay?" and she talked about how much she hates the holidays because her husband puts pressure on her to make it all perfect and all the "frickin'" stepkids come over. She said she feels like she's in a pressure cooker for two months. And she was extra mad because her sister (who she loves) had told her she was going to skip all the festivities.
So, if you can't make yourself stay off of FB, try to remember that all is not as it seems in the social media world. There is plenty of misery to go around. So if you're at home alone, don't assume that everyone out celebrating is having a good time. Many of them would probably be happy to trade places with you.
I totally agree about work and FB. I hate FB. You can hide your profile. Thats not a bad idea for both of us. for me, what really gets to me is seeing all the happy families with young kids. I wanted that and it didn't happen for me. Too late now. I was at Trader Joe's earlier today and there was a woman in there with an adorable little girl around 4 years old. I noticed how sweet and polite she was when the cashier gave her some free candy. Breaks my heart I don't have that. Its certainly 100x worse this time of year.
It is certainly not too late for you to have a family so don't give up hope of that happening.
I'm glad you're going on the singles cruise and hope you have fun and make some friends.
I've kept track of you on C-D and you're one of the posters I admire most because you have taken a set of very difficult circumstances and made them much better for yourself. I know things aren't perfect for you, but you have a very strong spirit and it will continue to serve you well.
I had a lovely day alone yesterday. Prepped and stuffed my turkey while drinking coffee with the parade on in the background. Took the dogs for a couple of nice walks. Binge watched "The Crown" on Netflix and had dinner in the late afternoon. A couple of beers in the evening with a good "whodunit" book, with my house cozy with candles flickering (I don't save them only for company). It was a good day and much more pleasant than being someone's add-on.
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