Your "I'm Alone on the Holidays" Thread (boyfriend, father, person)
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Location: New Albany, Indiana (Greater Louisville)
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I have no contact with 99% of my family and only sporadic contact with 2 family members. My marriage is coming towards the end of the line (would like to move to my own apartment in a few months) and I can not stand my in laws. Wife and I cooked at home for Thanksgiving Day and I did not go to the dinner at her family the following Saturday. At this point in my life I'm not sentimental about holidays and don't mind doing my own thing.
I couldn't let that line go unnoticed. Truly beautiful. Warmed my heart. Thank you.
Yes, that is nice.
But what gives me the blues is thinking about the people who aren't with us anymore, especially if they passed way before their time. I have a few of those.
Around my friends I try to keep my mouth shut. I don't want to spoil anyone's good time. But I'll be delighted when the whole thing is over.
Posted this last Thanksgiving ("Is Anyone Else Going to Be Alone?") and heard from some people who weren't going to be alone and apparently just wanted to gloat about that... But if anyone wants a forum for discussing being *actually* alone, here it is...
Alone for Thanksgiving. You would think I would be okay with this situation after 18 years. My mother and father both now gone, so there goes the reason for everyone to gather. And honestly, in the past six years I have developed a deep appreciation for what selfish creeps my adult siblings are, so I just as soon bow out of the cozy Normal Rockwell holiday scene. They don´t care about anyone but themselves, and they don´t care who they hurt. Tired of wasting my love and care on whatever the hell these creatures are.
I managed to have some friends over for Thanksgiving (my Thanksgiving dinner is legendary), but it looks like I'll be alone for Christmas. My folks are gone, my sister is in Vegas and my son will be hanging out with one girlfriend or the other in San Diego. For several years I didn't put up the tree just for me. That was a MISTAKE, IMO. This year my 9 1/2 foot gorgeous tree has been up since before Thanksgiving. Yes, it's a lot of work, but as I pulled out the ornaments, a flood of happy memories swept over me from Christmases past. As I hung the "Baby's First Christmas" ornament, the handmade ornaments my son made as a child and even the handmade doggy ornament for my buddy Zachary, I was reminded of the many joyous Christmases past that were enjoyed with family and friends. I'm 64 now and mostly alone. Friends and family have died or moved away and the few remaining family members aren't close by. I'm not the type to "join a group" or seek out strangers to make new friends, so this is probably my life moving forward. But rather than dwell on being alone at Christmas, I try to remember that at least I did HAVE a life. I put together the bikes and toys on Christmas Eve and watched my son's eyes widen as he ran down the stairs to see what Santa brought. I would visit my Dad who was a lover of Christmas trees and still used the big bulbs & reflectors along with glass blown ornaments saved since his childhood. I remember as a teenager when my Mom and I were too poor to afford a tree, but we went shopping for one anyway. "You load the tree on the car and I'll go pay", she said. Only much later did I learn that she actually never did pay for that tree. She just wanted us to have a nice Christmas.
These and many more Christmas memories wash over me as I sit by the fire in the shadow of my enormous glittering tree. And suddenly I don't feel so alone.
I've spent Holidays alone, w/ tons of family (when younger), w/ a bit of of family or just me and my spouse. I've spent Thanksgiving eating Chinese food or something similar. I've worked major Holidays on and off. One Christmas when I worked in the Hospital I remember a real sick woman just trying to survive. Try to find a larger perspective than your own private world and it might help. Lots of people are hurting in different ways during the Holidays.
Last edited by Nanny Goat; 12-04-2016 at 03:41 PM..
"For several years I didn't put up the tree just for me. That was a MISTAKE, IMO. This year my 9 1/2 foot gorgeous tree has been up since before Thanksgiving. Yes, it's a lot of work, but as I pulled out the ornaments, a flood of happy memories swept over me from Christmases past."
Personally, it would give me no pleasure to put up a tree in my house with no one to see it but me... I enjoy others' (and public) lights and decorations and try to do something different rather than just one little part of what I used to do as a tradition. But different strokes! Each individual must do whatever works for him/her.
"For several years I didn't put up the tree just for me. That was a MISTAKE, IMO. This year my 9 1/2 foot gorgeous tree has been up since before Thanksgiving. Yes, it's a lot of work, but as I pulled out the ornaments, a flood of happy memories swept over me from Christmases past."
Personally, it would give me no pleasure to put up a tree in my house with no one to see it but me... I enjoy others' (and public) lights and decorations and try to do something different rather than just one little part of what I used to do as a tradition. But different strokes! Each individual must do whatever works for him/her.
I agree. It gives me no joy to put up a tree when its been just me the last 8 years. I was asked that by a woman this weekend. She thought it was sad that I don't celebrate anymore. It is sad, but now I'm used to it and it is what it is. I told her I just try to get through the holidays now. Thats how I feel about it. If the right woman ever comes into my life, that will change.
Seriously? I think it's awful to gloat about getting to be with people on a holiday, in front of others who will be alone.
And then there are people like me who think it's awful having to be with people on a holiday.
When my friends and coworkers talk about having to travel to another state or prepare for out of state guests coming to their house, my heart goes out to them. All I keep thinking about is how my holiday will be spent not working, in my pajamas, a long hot bubble bath with a glass of wine, my fleece sheets, down comforter, Netflix and chicken pad thai, medium spicy.
My family lives in another state and I can see my friends any time I want. The pampering I give myself on the 25th of December is the best present ever. And I know I'll end the day without a DUI or a turkey hangover.
And then there are people like me who think it's awful having to be with people on a holiday.
When my friends and coworkers talk about having to travel to another state or prepare for out of state guests coming to their house, my heart goes out to them. All I keep thinking about is how my holiday will be spent not working, in my pajamas, a long hot bubble bath with a glass of wine, my fleece sheets, down comforter, Netflix and chicken pad thai, medium spicy.
My family lives in another state and I can see my friends any time I want. The pampering I give myself on the 25th of December is the best present ever. And I know I'll end the day without a DUI or a turkey hangover.
Agree, and this is definitely the way to look at it!
However, I also understand that solitude is much more "blissful" when it's rare -- and voluntary.
Personally, it would give me no pleasure to put up a tree in my house with no one to see it but me... I enjoy others' (and public) lights and decorations and try to do something different rather than just one little part of what I used to do as a tradition. But different strokes! Each individual must do whatever works for him/her.
You don't intend to have a single visitor to your home between now and New Year's?
Why not switch things up and have a small cocktail party or two this month for friends/neighbors? No one sees my tree either unless I invite them in, so that is my focus during the holidays. Oh, and they always bring wine and a little gift! Bonus!
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Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
But if anyone wants a forum for discussing being *actually* alone, here it is... 
My mother and father both now gone, so there goes the reason for everyone to gather. And honestly, in the past six years I have developed a deep appreciation for what selfish creeps my adult siblings are, so I just as soon bow out of the cozy Normal Rockwell holiday scene. They don´t care about anyone but themselves, and they don´t care who they hurt. Tired of wasting my love and care on whatever the hell these creatures are.
