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I've only read the first and last pages of this long thread, so I am probably repeating. But do you have any friends whom you suspect may also be alone? The last three Thanksgivings I have invited an old cycling buddy who lives alone and is a bit reclusive to go out to eat together. (I am the world's worst cook). He seems to appreciate the invitation, and I have enjoyed being with someone else even for a relatively short portion of the day. (It beats being alone the entire day).
Thanks for your suggestions - as it turns out, I will be with a relative and some friends after all this year, as I posted somewhere else previously in this very long thread. But I do recall how tough it can be for those who prefer not to be alone - to be alone - on the holidays, especially when memories of happier Christmases Past both bless and haunt.
Although I'll be with family this year, some of my family members and friends are experiencing serious illness at present, so there is no way it can be an entirely merry Christmas for me. This has been a very tough year, with four deaths and additional diagnoses of serious and/or terminal illnesses within my circle of family and friends. Pointed reminders to cherish the time with dear ones while that time is here...
Any updates as the BIG DAY approaches? My sibling actually called and wants to get together (just him). Maybe I can make time for that Christmas Eve... Christmas Day, I was looking forward to spending all alone in my jammies watching movies...
I have one sister. We have not been close although this past week she reached out to me twice on facebook. Amazing. (I'm wondering if she is thinking about her future care or something)
Anyway, I would normally go to her place, we do get along ok but she snowbirds now and i don't like traveling during the holiday. She has two children (I have none) one lives south one lives in the old home town 4 hours north. They spent Thanksgiving and are spending christmas at the spouse's parents house (i.e. not my neice/nephew). They have invited me as they know I'm alone. I didn't go for Thanksgiving and am not planning on Christmas.
I question my ability to know the right social thing to do. I have met the spouses parents any number of times at grandkids birthday parties etc. but its not like we are friends. They are really nice people and I'm sure their invitation is sincere. They live an hour from my sisters kid, I would spend the night at my sisters child house. I have not lived near them or been around them a lot either and typically they have not reached out to me for events. Maybe its dawning on them how alone I am? I did go on a family mini vacation with my sister and them this summer.
Am I making the right decision?
I would have to rent a car, buy additional presents and...honestly I feel more comfortable being around when its not a big holiday, it just seems like awkward social pressure somehow?
Any updates as the BIG DAY approaches? My sibling actually called and wants to get together (just him). Maybe I can make time for that Christmas Eve... Christmas Day, I was looking forward to spending all alone in my jammies watching movies...
Do it Christmas Eve. Watch A Christmas story on Christmas Day. They play it all day long.
I've been invited to 2 homes on Christmas Day. I did the same on Thanksgiving, and honestly, it wasn't worth it. I don't know if I want to feel like the 3rd wheel again, as usual. However, it would bother them if I didn't go. I hope this is the last year I have to do Christmas alone (without a significant other, I mean). I hate this.
I have one sister. We have not been close although this past week she reached out to me twice on facebook. Amazing. (I'm wondering if she is thinking about her future care or something)
Anyway, I would normally go to her place, we do get along ok but she snowbirds now and i don't like traveling during the holiday. She has two children (I have none) one lives south one lives in the old home town 4 hours north. They spent Thanksgiving and are spending christmas at the spouse's parents house (i.e. not my neice/nephew). They have invited me as they know I'm alone. I didn't go for Thanksgiving and am not planning on Christmas.
I question my ability to know the right social thing to do. I have met the spouses parents any number of times at grandkids birthday parties etc. but its not like we are friends. They are really nice people and I'm sure their invitation is sincere. They live an hour from my sisters kid, I would spend the night at my sisters child house. I have not lived near them or been around them a lot either and typically they have not reached out to me for events. Maybe its dawning on them how alone I am? I did go on a family mini vacation with my sister and them this summer.
Am I making the right decision?
I would have to rent a car, buy additional presents and...honestly I feel more comfortable being around when its not a big holiday, it just seems like awkward social pressure somehow?
It sounds like my idea of personal social hell. But everyone is different, really, so you might enjoy it. Maybe.
One Christmas I went to visit my sister in VT (when she still lived in VT) and we spent most of the holiday at her husband's sister's home. It was nice and they were all lovely and welcoming. But, it's not my family and I never felt that I was truly a part of it. I didn't feel at home and, bottom-line, it was uncomfortable for me. It was okay for that one year, but I have no desire to have the experience again. I would rather be comfortable at home with my dogs and my own cooking than a tack-on at someone else's event.
It's interesting because I have gone to a local cousin's for the past few years for Christmas Day and that has been a comfortable and enjoyable experience. We (two cousins, their wives and I) would hang out, drink some wine, have a nice dinner and then all go home. It was perfect. No obligation, no feeling like the tacked on random aunt or whatever.
That cousin moved to Martha's Vineyard this Summer, so it's not like I can just run down the road for dinner this year. But I am honestly not sad. I love being cozy in my home and not having to travel anywhere. I also love opting out of the whole gift-giving obligation part of Christmas. It is extremely liberating to not have to participate in that at all.
No family coming into town, and I'm staying home. (I'm single, no kids.) I do have plans to join friends at their house for dinner on Christmas day. (They're actually Muslim, not Christian. I'm hoping for some yummy Lebanese food!) There will also probably be a movie in my plans this weekend, either alone or with friends.
I had wanted to be alone for Thanksgiving but instead wound up hosting my entire family, so I'm really glad that I will be (mostly) by myself for Christmas. The last couple months have been stressful, and now I want to veg, read books, watch movies, sleep, play with my animals, walk, and otherwise bask in my solitude. (If you can't tell, I'm a total introvert.) I got off work today around 1:00 and hit the vet, the pet store, and the grocery store, and I spent the evening prepping vegetables and roasting a chicken. The carcass is in a stockpot now and will simmer overnight for bone broth.)
I wish I had some time off from work, but other than Monday, 12/26, I don't, and to be honest, I will probably put in some hours this weekend and maybe even on Monday. (I work in sales. December is a big month for us.) Maybe in January I can take a few days off for R&R.
I haven't bought a SINGLE gift, and honestly, I'm not sure I'm planning to. It definitely has been nice to not contend with mall traffic.
I'm recenty retired and spending too much time alone. My biggest worry is how little it bothers me and I worry about it alot I would like to get to know the niece/nephew and their kids better but feel like an add on for sure but more disruptive to their normal lives that I'm not usually a part of. I don't want to impose or intrude and be an obligation.
I recently read Lab Girl by Hope Jahren which I thoroughly enjoyed. This is an excerpt from the book. I only put it here because the discussion of being alone for the holidays is somewhat related to not being paired up, especially as you age. Everything I read is written from the point of view that being alone is bad, you will die earlier, it is something to be overcome and even more importantly fully the responsibility of the person that is alone. which at 60 I am just starting to realize, its not entirely "my fault".
"In the right venue, at a casual picnic perhaps, a stray dog is a curiousity and even an asset; its muddy clowning provides a rosy window into the carefree life of a simpler being. As everybody's pet and nobody's responsibility, it is at least friendly, if not wholesome and is remarkably happy given its humble lot. If a single woman can be thought of as a dog at such events, then a thirty some woman, uh didn't copy something right....
Within certain social circles of the married, a single woman over 30 inspires compassion similar to that bestowed upon a big friendly stray dog. Although the dogs unkempt appearance and tendency toward self reliance betray its lack of owner, the way it gravitates hungrily toward human contact suggests that it might have once know better days. You consider letting it eat on the porch after you confirm its not mangy, but then you decide not to, vaguely worried that it might start hanging around because it has nowhere else to go."
I've been invited to 2 homes on Christmas Day. I did the same on Thanksgiving, and honestly, it wasn't worth it. I don't know if I want to feel like the 3rd wheel again, as usual. However, it would bother them if I didn't go. I hope this is the last year I have to do Christmas alone (without a significant other, I mean). I hate this.
How is spending Christmas in the company of others "doing Christmas alone"?
Lots of us do not have partners but also do not consider ourselves "alone." Buck up.
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