Do you feel obligated to reciprocate if someone gives u aa holiday card or gift? (present, Christmas)
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Absolutely not. I've spent years paring down my holiday gift list, and I haven't done cards in years either. If I intended to give someone a gift, I'd have it ready. Nothing more than a thank you is extended otherwise.
I don't usually send cards but when I get a personal card I will call the person who sent it and thank them. I think with a gift I'd feel obligated to give them something too.
When I was younger I would have a stash of ready to give wrapped gifts and cards on the boxes both at home and at work. I also felt at the time that Christmas was kind of stressful - a co-worker would give me a gift or card, then I would go to my cubicle and get a gift/card and write something on it and give it to co-worker. They often looked surprised so I don't think they expected it, but it made me feel better. As I got older, things became more relaxed and I would just say thank you, but I like to anticipate who might give me something ahead of time, most of the time, I get it right now.
It doesn't cheapen your gesture of giving a gift when the other person gave you a gift, means you just wanted to return the kindness.
I send cards out with a picture of my kids on them. I have no problem giving someone a card, but I do not give gifts to my friends. I haven't done that in years. I only give gifts to immediate family, my children's teachers and their bus drivers. That's it.
No, but I don't accept gifts from most people. As it either leads to this or people lording it over you. I just tell people "I don't celebrate with gifts. I'd rather have experiences. I think the world is too materialistic. I don't give gifts, because you'll most likely end up with clutter or throwing it away in the end". Most people get offended, but the people I have known longterm often comment they see my point view and wish they could get out of the gift giving cycle.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckWife518
Someone just texted me asking for my address so she can mail me a Christmas card.
As I replied & gave her my address, I thought maybe I should ask for her address as well & mail her a Christmas card too.
But then I thought, no, that'll just be way too obvious that I'm only sending her one because she's giving me one and I don't believe in giving cards or gifts because someone else gave me one first.
Do any of you feel the same way? To me, if I give a person a card or gift just because they gave me one, then that cheapens my gesture and almost turns it into into a form of payment.
I don't feel obligated. I WANT to return the kindness of a gift or card.
When someone does something nice for me, I do not think that they are "trying to get something out of me".
Reciprocation is normal. Asking for your address in order to send you a Christmas card is NOT a form of extortion. Just buy a box of Christmas cards and send one back when you get one.
You just might bring some cheer into someone's life.
People still send out Christmas cards? While I used to send out about 25 each year I don't send out any now. I wouldn't feel the least bit obligated to send a Christmas card to someone just because they send you one.
I wish people would not feel 'obliged' to give a gift when someone else gives them one - just for the sake of 'equality'/reciprocity. I am a 'giver' so I take joy in finding or making just the right gift for those who I feel deserve one but I don't want junk back just because I gave them something - that takes the joy out of it for me. Thanks and (one hopes) true appreciation that someone thought of them is all that is required.
However, just because I have given once or even more than once doesn't mean that people should 'expect' that from me all the time. There may be reasons I cannot do it on occasion or reasons why I just can't find the exact right gift and don't want to just substitute with 'any gift will do'.
I also recognize the need for some people to learn how to give too so if those people reciprocate I try to take that graciously even if the gift is obviously not well thought out when it comes to either the giver or the recipient.
Some would rather just be takers all their lives and say that, out of principle, they just don't give gifts - when in reality they are just too selfish to want to think of anyone but themselves. Not all gifts have to cost money - if they were 'givers' they would find a way to give of themselves at least. Those (latter) people may get ONE thing from me ONCE .. and then never again. One can tell who they are.
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