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When someone does something nice for me, it's never forgotten and will be reciprocated in the future. It doesn't have to be that week, but it will be sooner then later.
When I give gifts, the thought of reciprocation never crosses my mind.
This.
When I send someone a card, or give them a gift, it is not from a box of cards or random gifts to whomever, I personally go out and look for a card that fits that person. The message inside is something that I know they'll understand, or make them laugh (usually this choice). Same for gifts, I go out and look for something specifically for that person. At no time have I ever thought, "now you owe me". That completely defeats the purpose of the whole idea.
I give something because I WANT to, not because I expect anything in return. I don't keep points.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckWife518
Someone just texted me asking for my address so she can mail me a Christmas card.
As I replied & gave her my address, I thought maybe I should ask for her address as well & mail her a Christmas card too.
But then I thought, no, that'll just be way too obvious that I'm only sending her one because she's giving me one and I don't believe in giving cards or gifts because someone else gave me one first.
Do any of you feel the same way? To me, if I give a person a card or gift just because they gave me one, then that cheapens my gesture and almost turns it into into a form of payment.
Yes I do and it sucks. My friends who know me would know I'd rather have their presence than presents. The most common drink I get from friends is drinks which I don't mind since I can easily buy the next one. I'd be mortified if I got something super expensive from a friend because that'd put pressure on me to pay them back.
I think that the root question here is whether you want to be friends with this person? I ask because I believe that reciprocation is a fundamental element to friendship. I think that it's rather petty for the giver to expect something in return and I sure as heck do think that keeping points is just too time and energy consuming, but when it comes down to it, I do think that reciprocation is as kind and genuine as the original gesture, especially when it's something as little as a Holiday card.
Obligated? Hmm.....Manners would say so .
when someone says "thank you" we reciprocate with "your welcome".
So too with Gifts....we are engrained to Balance out the kindness ( if we were raised with manners).
reciprocating can be as simple as acknowledging the gifter...sending a thank you card.
I come from a long family tradition of "giving" with no expectation...other then a Thank you. Some come wrapped in a package or with a hug. Do balance out the kindness though, it makes both equals
When I send someone a card, or give them a gift, it is not from a box of cards or random gifts to whomever, I personally go out and look for a card that fits that person. The message inside is something that I know they'll understand, or make them laugh (usually this choice). Same for gifts, I go out and look for something specifically for that person. At no time have I ever thought, "now you owe me". That completely defeats the purpose of the whole idea.
I give something because I WANT to, not because I expect anything in return. I don't keep points.
Right. Who wants a fruitcake?......unless someone really likes 'em.
If I'm considering giving to someone I haven't before sometimes I'll say "I'd really like to get you a little something for Christmas" and gauge their reaction...if they're really negative in terms of not wanting it then I'll abide by that or just go with an actual greeting card or really small thing.
I don't see sending cards as some huge expense. I'd probably reciprocate and mail one out also.
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