My sister has been giving me the silent treatment for a year - now it's Xmas. Help! (Christmas, boyfriend)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
tl:dr My sister tried to kick me out of my bed so she could sleep in it with her boyfriend, then she has been giving me the silent treatment for nearly a year because I stood up to her. Now it's Xmas and I have to spend time with her - how do I deal?
Hi all. Long story short, I've never really gotten on with my sister. I think she's spoiled, selfish and rude but I tolerate her for the sake of our family. Anyway, she's recently had some mental health problems and took some time off work to do a masters degree. During this time she's been more and more bossy and expects us all to run around after her and do whatever she tells us to do.
In February, I had just come back from vacation. I was exhausted. My sister then asked me if she and her boyfriend could sleep in my bed and could I sleep somewhere else for the night. Bear in mind, our house has several bedrooms with spare beds. Instead of sleeping separately for one night, they wanted me to move out of my room so that they could sleep together in it (it's the only other double).
I said no. My sister completely lost her temper because of this, said I have sex with random guys (not true) and brought up some stuff from way back when I slept in her bed with my ex-boyfriend (bear in mind my sister wasn't even living in the property at the time I did this, let alone trying to get a good night's sleep in that bed). I was absolutely furious that she was trying to **** shame me because I didn't do what she said and I responded angrily.
Since February, my sister has given me the silent treatment. We don't live in our parents house anymore but at family gatherings, she refuses to say hello or even acknowledge me. She will respond to everyone else except me and if I say anything to her, she just ignores it. I am so exasperated now as it's been almost a year. As far as I'm concerned, I have done nothing wrong - she is the one who was being unreasonable as usual. It's now coming up to Christmas and I'm going to have to spend the whole day with her at my parents house which I am dreading because it's going to be awkward and it upsets me to be around someone who ignores me like that.
I've tried to speak to my parents about it but they seem to take her side and say 'you know what she's like, you hurt her feelings, she'll get over it'. To me, this isn't good enough - no one has acknowledged that I didn't do anything wrong in the first place. I'm seriously considering skipping family Christmas altogether as I just don't want the drama. Any advice would be great.
Your parents are the reason your sister is the way she is. Snub them all and go visit Key West where people are friendly and will all talk to you.
Yeah I agree. No they are still together and he is actually very nice and polite. I think it's more about the fact I didn't obey her and the argument we had after. Still, I'm over it and what she said to me was much worse than what I said to her.
On second thought, forget my last response. Tell the boyfriend he's welcome in your bed, but she's not.
I have a coworker like this. She has been nasty to me because she says I make her look bad by doing my job well. She has been super nasty to me always. @ this point I just have fun with it. When we are in front of others, I make a point to saying hello to her specifically when others are paying attention. She ignores me and it is very obvious to others. I admit to enjoying this very much.
This is going to be very hard. You absolutely must not let your sister control ANYTHING that you do, say, think, or feel. She is a narcissist and your parents have enabled her all of this time. She is not your responsibility AT ALL. If you want to go to the Xmas celebration, then go. But make sure you have a great time with your parents and don't allow anything she says or does to affect you. OR, do not show up, don't offer an excuse or an explanation, and celebrate with your parents either earlier or later in the day or week.
There is absolutely NO reason to subject yourself to the stress and drama of your narcissistic sister. Decide what will make you feel best (or at a minimum the least stressed), and then do that. And I repeat, under no circumstances are you to provide any excuse or explanation for your decision. Don't play her games. For example, in the case of the desserts, you don't ask your mother what the boyfriend or your sister are bringing. If she can't or won't communication with you, then just do you. It doesn't matter what she is or is not going to do. IT DOESN'T MATTER! It is all a GAME. One designed to cause you to capitulate. Don't play the game.
My sister didn't speak to me for over a year and I administered the tough love my parents should have. My parents were still triangulating through this year and wanting ME to make the first move. I said to hell with all of them. It was a difficult situation but I am stronger because of it and she now knows that I am not going to stand for her crap. I am not her puppet. And you're not your sister's puppet.
Damn -- so close to a solution, and your mom had to blow it by apologizing. :-)
PS: There's a difference between being "sweet and peaceful" and a "doormat". Your mother is a bit of a doormat, dear. She's not going to change at this late date, unfortunately. So if you don't come, and your sister doesn't come -- where does that leave your parents? :-)
Your mother is also an enabler. I know because my parents are total enablers and they triangulate. Please research narcissists and the dysfunctional family. Lots of great information out there.
Learn to be strong now while you are young. If you do, your life will go a lot more smoothly in the years to come.
My only hope now is that my sister is stubborn enough to not show up and spend it alone with her boyfriend instead.
Correction: Your only hope now is that you will learn all you can to put an end to this type of abuse. And make no mistake you are being abused. At a minimum, you want to learn how to manage your family dynamic. Your hope now is to free yourself from this crap ASAP.
ETA: Okay, so I'm seeing you've been given a ton of great advice and understanding. Heed the advice.
tl:dr My sister tried to kick me out of my bed so she could sleep in it with her boyfriend, then she has been giving me the silent treatment for nearly a year because I stood up to her. Now it's Xmas and I have to spend time with her - how do I deal?
Hi all. Long story short, I've never really gotten on with my sister. I think she's spoiled, selfish and rude but I tolerate her for the sake of our family. Anyway, she's recently had some mental health problems and took some time off work to do a masters degree. During this time she's been more and more bossy and expects us all to run around after her and do whatever she tells us to do.
In February, I had just come back from vacation. I was exhausted. My sister then asked me if she and her boyfriend could sleep in my bed and could I sleep somewhere else for the night. Bear in mind, our house has several bedrooms with spare beds. Instead of sleeping separately for one night, they wanted me to move out of my room so that they could sleep together in it (it's the only other double).
I said no. My sister completely lost her temper because of this, said I have sex with random guys (not true) and brought up some stuff from way back when I slept in her bed with my ex-boyfriend (bear in mind my sister wasn't even living in the property at the time I did this, let alone trying to get a good night's sleep in that bed). I was absolutely furious that she was trying to **** shame me because I didn't do what she said and I responded angrily.
Since February, my sister has given me the silent treatment. We don't live in our parents house anymore but at family gatherings, she refuses to say hello or even acknowledge me. She will respond to everyone else except me and if I say anything to her, she just ignores it. I am so exasperated now as it's been almost a year. As far as I'm concerned, I have done nothing wrong - she is the one who was being unreasonable as usual. It's now coming up to Christmas and I'm going to have to spend the whole day with her at my parents house which I am dreading because it's going to be awkward and it upsets me to be around someone who ignores me like that.
I've tried to speak to my parents about it but they seem to take her side and say 'you know what she's like, you hurt her feelings, she'll get over it'. To me, this isn't good enough - no one has acknowledged that I didn't do anything wrong in the first place. I'm seriously considering skipping family Christmas altogether as I just don't want the drama. Any advice would be great.
Its awkward because you let her push you around.
The advice is to keep it simple and not associate with people you don't get along with, life is short, every minute you are in the presence of angry off the wall people, its a minute you can't get back.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,487 posts, read 3,338,908 times
Reputation: 9913
Quote:
Originally Posted by winterbird
hannahwh456:
This is going to be very hard. You absolutely must not let your sister control ANYTHING that you do, say, think, or feel. She is a narcissist and your parents have enabled her all of this time. She is not your responsibility AT ALL. If you want to go to the Xmas celebration, then go. But make sure you have a great time with your parents and don't allow anything she says or does to affect you. OR, do not show up, don't offer an excuse or an explanation, and celebrate with your parents either earlier or later in the day or week.
There is absolutely NO reason to subject yourself to the stress and drama of your narcissistic sister. Decide what will make you feel best (or at a minimum the least stressed), and then do that. And I repeat, under no circumstances are you to provide any excuse or explanation for your decision. Don't play her games. For example, in the case of the desserts, you don't ask your mother what the boyfriend or your sister are bringing. If she can't or won't communication with you, then just do you. It doesn't matter what she is or is not going to do. IT DOESN'T MATTER! It is all a GAME. One designed to cause you to capitulate. Don't play the game.
My sister didn't speak to me for over a year and I administered the tough love my parents should have. My parents were still triangulating through this year and wanting ME to make the first move. I said to hell with all of them. It was a difficult situation but I am stronger because of it and she now knows that I am not going to stand for her crap. I am not her puppet. And you're not your sister's puppet.
tl:dr My sister tried to kick me out of my bed so she could sleep in it with her boyfriend, then she has been giving me the silent treatment for nearly a year because I stood up to her. Now it's Xmas and I have to spend time with her - how do I deal?
Hi all. Long story short, I've never really gotten on with my sister. I think she's spoiled, selfish and rude but I tolerate her for the sake of our family. Anyway, she's recently had some mental health problems and took some time off work to do a masters degree. During this time she's been more and more bossy and expects us all to run around after her and do whatever she tells us to do.
In February, I had just come back from vacation. I was exhausted. My sister then asked me if she and her boyfriend could sleep in my bed and could I sleep somewhere else for the night. Bear in mind, our house has several bedrooms with spare beds. Instead of sleeping separately for one night, they wanted me to move out of my room so that they could sleep together in it (it's the only other double).
I said no. My sister completely lost her temper because of this, said I have sex with random guys (not true) and brought up some stuff from way back when I slept in her bed with my ex-boyfriend (bear in mind my sister wasn't even living in the property at the time I did this, let alone trying to get a good night's sleep in that bed). I was absolutely furious that she was trying to **** shame me because I didn't do what she said and I responded angrily.
Since February, my sister has given me the silent treatment. We don't live in our parents house anymore but at family gatherings, she refuses to say hello or even acknowledge me. She will respond to everyone else except me and if I say anything to her, she just ignores it. I am so exasperated now as it's been almost a year. As far as I'm concerned, I have done nothing wrong - she is the one who was being unreasonable as usual. It's now coming up to Christmas and I'm going to have to spend the whole day with her at my parents house which I am dreading because it's going to be awkward and it upsets me to be around someone who ignores me like that.
I've tried to speak to my parents about it but they seem to take her side and say 'you know what she's like, you hurt her feelings, she'll get over it'. To me, this isn't good enough - no one has acknowledged that I didn't do anything wrong in the first place. I'm seriously considering skipping family Christmas altogether as I just don't want the drama. Any advice would be great.
My fraternal twin brother is giving me the silent treatment, 8 months and counting. I have done more for him than he would ever think to do for me, and now with most of our elder family members have passed on, he decides he wants to be abusive towards me. I have decided to take and stand and I am not going to put up with his treatment of me with a smile. And I suggest you do the same. Sometimes, the loudest, clearest message you can give your family, (that is either toxic or with toxic family tendencies) is:
1. Silence
2. Absence
Call your parents for Christmas, send a nice gift basket and a Christmas Card. Then: Take yourself on a nice holiday about 7 days long. Dance, dine, flirt, dress up, contemplate the stars in the nightime sky from some prime view. Lavish love and enjoyment upon yourself. It will strengthen you. Your sister is a shallow jack*ss for putting some random manś comfort and preference before her sister´s. Completely disrespectful. If that were you in the situation, you´d probably get a morals lesson or a sermon for wanting a sleeping arrangement like that while on a visit. Try to forgive your parents for not standing up for you. Forgive and forget your sisterś selfish ways, but you don´t have to hold still while they heap more abuse upon you.
God bless you, be well, enjoy life and honey, love yourself.
Last edited by laorbust61; 12-04-2016 at 02:19 PM..
Reason: added some thoughts to post.
your mother is also an enabler. I know because my parents are total enablers and they triangulate. Please research narcissists and the dysfunctional family. Lots of great information out there.
learn to be strong now while you are young. If you do, your life will go a lot more smoothly in the years to come.
this.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
