At dinners where the same people never help pay the bill (wife, boyfriend)
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What exactly are you wondering about? You think i made this up? Lol.
I honestly dont know if mil and the bf are on social security. Quite honestly i dont know why the BOTH retired at the same time. I dont even know why they both moved to AZ especially when they no seem to want to be back here all the time. Bf is younger than mil, he is in fine shape and seems to me like a man who should have a job. Again both of them retiring seemed dumb. People are living longer and working longer. So again, i dont know what they live off of but i think one of them should have kept their day job a bit longer.
I have also said a few times that I dont mind paying for MIL when it comes down to it. It's really the combination of her and the bf, then lazy BIL and the other rude MIL have to show up as well. Thats really what sets me over the edge.
Its really just a combo of bad behaviors over the past few years that has set me over the edge. I told DH that i dont want to be a part of these dinners. I did miss a lunch but like i said dh still paid half the bill and even he pointed out that me not going to the dinners screws us even more because he still pays half.
We go out with my parents and sometimes dh pays but more often it seems my parents pay. My dad is a gentleman and he feels bad having us pay. Apparently MIL doesnt have those feelings towards her kids ever.
There were issues with the bf before i came along. Dh and BIL disliked him and found him rude and they told MIL to not bring him.she didnt bring him for a while and i actually felt bad. But now I see why people get annoyed with him.
Whenever we eat out with others, before we even order we always tell the server that we will be on separate checks. We tell them that we will make up one check and then it's up to the others to figure out who is paying. If we're covering someone else, we let the server know. We do this before we even order drinks. This isn't open to discussion. We do not split the bill with anyone. We pay our way not everyone else.
There were issues with the bf before i came along. Dh and BIL disliked him and found him rude and they told MIL to not bring him.she didnt bring him for a while and i actually felt bad. But now I see why people get annoyed with him.
Ok, so you'd be better with the whole thing if your MIL's BF helped share in the check, and your lazy BIL wasn't included, nor was your SIL's mom? That would make you happy?
DH should pay for your family and his mom (since she is not staying with you - be thankful!).
BIL should pay for his family and his MIL.
BF and lazy brother should pick up their own dang check. DH and BIL should tell them in advance . If they choose not to come, it is their choice. If Mom doesn't like that arrangement, SHE can pay for them. Bet she won't.
We have had a couple of constant moochers in our family. When MIL dies, they will have a very rude awakening as the gravy train will abruptly stop.
That's absurd. Nearly every "non-romantic relationship" thread contains FAR, FAR worse in-law stories! Even threads that aren't about in-laws!
Here's the thing, OP: a whole lot of objective people who only know what you've posted are trying to tell you, "Your in-law aren't that bad! These issues don't even have to be problems--you're choosing to see them as problems! Let it go!"
I know, right? This is the least 'problem'I ever even heard of. Again, the OP is selfish and immature. She will hold on the rest of her life to that gift that wasn't sent and that is sad.
When my friend who is like this calls now I just hit 'reject'. I'm not going to listen.
DH should pay for your family and his mom (since she is not staying with you - be thankful!).
BIL should pay for his family and his MIL.
BF and lazy brother should pick up their own dang check. DH and BIL should tell them in advance . If they choose not to come, it is their choice. If Mom doesn't like that arrangement, SHE can pay for them. Bet she won't.
We have had a couple of constant moochers in our family. When MIL dies, they will have a very rude awakening as the gravy train will abruptly stop.
Families decide among themselves what they 'should' do. There are always more factors at play than what is seen on the surface.
Again, I was 'over' the OP's 'issues' when she was resentful of her husband helping the aging father who I would assume made sacrifices all his life to raise him.
What exactly are you wondering about? You think i made this up? Lol.
I honestly dont know if mil and the bf are on social security. Quite honestly i dont know why the BOTH retired at the same time. I dont even know why they both moved to AZ especially when they no seem to want to be back here all the time. Bf is younger than mil, he is in fine shape and seems to me like a man who should have a job. Again both of them retiring seemed dumb. People are living longer and working longer. So again, i dont know what they live off of but i think one of them should have kept their day job a bit longer.
I have also said a few times that I dont mind paying for MIL when it comes down to it. It's really the combination of her and the bf, then lazy BIL and the other rude MIL have to show up as well. Thats really what sets me over the edge.
Its really just a combo of bad behaviors over the past few years that has set me over the edge. I told DH that i dont want to be a part of these dinners. I did miss a lunch but like i said dh still paid half the bill and even he pointed out that me not going to the dinners screws us even more because he still pays half.
We go out with my parents and sometimes dh pays but more often it seems my parents pay. My dad is a gentleman and he feels bad having us pay. Apparently MIL doesnt have those feelings towards her kids ever.
I think THIS is a big part of what could be upsetting you so much.
I have experienced this with IL's before too. My parents are also very generous and feel awful having us pay for meals, though we do insist at times. We wouldn't want to be free loaders, it might not always be 50/50, but it's at least 35/65.
Yet, SO's family members have been very cheap and wouldn't take out their wallets or even appreciate when you do pick up the check. I think it bothers me so much because the way my parents are. Could this be your issue too? I don't mean it in a negative way, nor am I attacking you.
There is one relative my fiance took care and gave $15k to pay off a car loan to (this person who was always whining about being broke). That person sent him a box of literal garbage (think crap from a 25 cent vending machine) from around their house for Christmas. Like, really? Would it be that hard to send a more thoughtful $25 gift?
He has sense realized that that large gift from a last year has probably been long forgotten and now the gifts are much more inexpensive.
And PS, it matters not what the OP thinks. She can run around the neighborhood naked and scream, but the her husband is NOT going to change how he wants to treat HIS family.
So, even if she were right, sometimes (often), we deal with things that just ARE.
Nagging is just going to ruin the marriage, not make anyone any happier.
And PS, it matters not what the OP thinks. She can run around the neighborhood naked and scream, but the her husband is NOT going to change how he wants to treat HIS family.
So, even if she were right, sometimes (often), we deal with things that just ARE.
Nagging is just going to ruin the marriage, not make anyone any happier.
For the most part, I've agreed with your posts on this topic, but I kind of do want to play devil's advocate for a moment.
To be fair, there are a couple attendees at these frequent dinners (I can't even recall how often TBH) that aren't DH's family, the 'other' MIL and her boyfriend. And I have a hunch that the BIL's wife may be a tad high maintenance?? The $10,000 birthday, if true, is a clue.
IMHO, if it was just two brothers taking their families and mom out for dinner...splitting it is 1000% appropriate. BIL's hosts their mom too...that's HUGE.
But adding IMHO the extra MIL and her BF and the brother (I'm sort of 50-50 on him...he's got to have issues) make it something at least to be discussed, discreetly, if it's a regular occurrence.
But as the OP continues with her screed of grievances, it's really hard to have much sympathy.
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