At dinners where the same people never help pay the bill (meeting, wife)
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OP hasn't been back for almost a week now, so I think people can stop telling her how wrong she is for being upset that her husband's family takes advantage of him, and for thinking she's entitled to care about how her family's money gets spent.
From what I have read, you are the only one telling her that, with this post!
To the OP,
Stay out of it. That is your husbands family, not yours. Is all the money in your house hold yours?
If not, just stay out of it.
You haven't even been married that long, LOL, you seem to dislike his family period.
BUT, they are his family. Whether you like it or not, you have to be nice, and if you can't keep
your mouth shut, don't go to the dinners, rather than embarrass your husband.
Oh, and by the way, if your mother in law stays at another one of her children's home while
she is visiting her children, you can't complain. She isn't staying with you.
Life is short, start enjoying it.
Yes his family isnt great, im learning that more and more. Not looking forward to seeing them at all.
Oh but I think i mentioned lazy BIL lives at MY aunts house. It's a long story but my grandma owned a 3 family home. Aunt never married and still lives in the 3 family home. It was left to my grandmas 4 kids, one being my aunt. So there was a vacancy, lazy BIL needed a place to live so he has been living there a few months. I dont believe he pays anything, but if he does it's very little and there was a verbal agreement that he'd help with things around the house. Saw my aunt last wknd and my mom said, oh have you seen 'lazy BIL' and my aunt said, oh yeah i was out doing yard work one day and he walked by me like he didn't want to see me and just went in the house. Hes also done nothing to help. Shocking.
I also felt mad because if it werent for me marrying DH clearly lazy BIL would not he living there. He has not once thanked me or my aunt. I also would have thought MIL might have some decency or common courtesy to reach out to me or my family to thank them for providing her son a place to live. They just suck.
Yes his family isnt great, im learning that more and more. Not looking forward to seeing them at all.
Oh but I think i mentioned lazy BIL lives at MY aunts house. It's a long story but my grandma owned a 3 family home. Aunt never married and still lives in the 3 family home. It was left to my grandmas 4 kids, one being my aunt. So there was a vacancy, lazy BIL needed a place to live so he has been living there a few months. I dont believe he pays anything, but if he does it's very little and there was a verbal agreement that he'd help with things around the house. Saw my aunt last wknd and my mom said, oh have you seen 'lazy BIL' and my aunt said, oh yeah i was out doing yard work one day and he walked by me like he didn't want to see me and just went in the house. Hes also done nothing to help. Shocking.
I also felt mad because if it werent for me marrying DH clearly lazy BIL would not he living there. He has not once thanked me or my aunt. I also would have thought MIL might have some decency or common courtesy to reach out to me or my family to thank them for providing her son a place to live. They just suck.
Again, there is nothing to thank YOU for. The Aunt, yes, but that is between them. It's up to her to enforce that he help like he is supposed to.
Yes his family isnt great, im learning that more and more. Not looking forward to seeing them at all.
Oh but I think i mentioned lazy BIL lives at MY aunts house. It's a long story but my grandma owned a 3 family home. Aunt never married and still lives in the 3 family home. It was left to my grandmas 4 kids, one being my aunt. So there was a vacancy, lazy BIL needed a place to live so he has been living there a few months. I dont believe he pays anything, but if he does it's very little and there was a verbal agreement that he'd help with things around the house. Saw my aunt last wknd and my mom said, oh have you seen 'lazy BIL' and my aunt said, oh yeah i was out doing yard work one day and he walked by me like he didn't want to see me and just went in the house. Hes also done nothing to help. Shocking.
I also felt mad because if it werent for me marrying DH clearly lazy BIL would not he living there. He has not once thanked me or my aunt. I also would have thought MIL might have some decency or common courtesy to reach out to me or my family to thank them for providing her son a place to live. They just suck.
Yep, that's pretty lame of him but it's not your house and you're not the one letting him stay there so he doesn't owe you anything. I can understand if you feel like he's taken advantage of your aunt though, so have you tried talking to him about it, maybe say something like: "Hey, I know you had a deal with my aunt to help out around the house and in return she wouldn't charge you rent. I hear you're not keeping up your end of the bargain. My aunt is too nice to say anything and since she's my aunt, and I care for her, I'd hate to think of someone else I care about taking advantage of her good nature. Think you can maybe step up a little bit here?"
If you haven't tried to talk to him about it, then stop whining. I'm not sure why you seem to think that doing nothing but ranting to strangers on the internet will suddenly result in a change in his behavior. If you have tried talking to him about it and nothing has changed, there's nothing you can do and once again, dwelling on it will just drive you crazy and turn you into an angry, bitter person with a giant chip on your shoulder.
Im venting. Ya'll are a group of neutral peeps and i dont have anyone to talk to about this other than 1 friend who does agree with me. Again, just wanted to see what others think.
Im just going to stay out of the aunt/lazy BIL thing. It's almost funny because my aunt has been pretty lazy her whole life and never did a damn thing with that house that is apparently so important to her so now she can see what it's like having another lazy person around.
Yes his family isnt great, im learning that more and more. Not looking forward to seeing them at all.
Oh but I think i mentioned lazy BIL lives at MY aunts house. It's a long story but my grandma owned a 3 family home. Aunt never married and still lives in the 3 family home. It was left to my grandmas 4 kids, one being my aunt. So there was a vacancy, lazy BIL needed a place to live so he has been living there a few months. I dont believe he pays anything, but if he does it's very little and there was a verbal agreement that he'd help with things around the house. Saw my aunt last wknd and my mom said, oh have you seen 'lazy BIL' and my aunt said, oh yeah i was out doing yard work one day and he walked by me like he didn't want to see me and just went in the house. Hes also done nothing to help. Shocking.
I also felt mad because if it werent for me marrying DH clearly lazy BIL would not he living there. He has not once thanked me or my aunt. I also would have thought MIL might have some decency or common courtesy to reach out to me or my family to thank them for providing her son a place to live. They just suck.
I am very confused.
Why in the world is your husband's brother living in your aunt's house?
My husband's brother only met my aunts at our wedding and he certainly would not know that one of them have a vacant house they owned. How did your BIL even know about the vacant house?
And, why did your husband's brother think that it was "his right" to live with YOUR aunt for free?
Now that I think about it, my brothers only met my hubby's aunts at our wedding, too. I am not even sure that my brothers know/knew my husband's aunts names, and my brothers certainly would not know if any of my husband's aunts had a vacant house. And, NO ONE would expect to live in a vacant house of a complete stranger for free. Sheesh!
And, why can't your aunt just kick the man out if she is unhappy with the situation?
Heck, if someone was "squatting" in a house that I owned I would kick them out or legality evict them. Why isn't your aunt doing that?
None of this makes any sense at all.
Last edited by germaine2626; 01-28-2017 at 07:47 PM..
Im venting. Ya'll are a group of neutral peeps and i dont have anyone to talk to about this other than 1 friend who does agree with me. Again, just wanted to see what others think.
You wanted to see what others think, but you won't listen to anyone who gives you advice. You only have one friend who agrees with you but you won't consider the idea that maybe the overwhelming majority is right...
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Im just going to stay out of the aunt/lazy BIL thing.
Okay - but staying out of it means you don't really have a right to complain about it either.
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It's almost funny because my aunt has been pretty lazy her whole life and never did a damn thing with that house that is apparently so important to her so now she can see what it's like having another lazy person around.
Wowzers, you just have a bone to pick with everyone, don't you...
Why in the world is your husband's brother living in your aunt's house?
My husband's brother only met my aunts at our wedding and he certainly would not know that one of them have a vacant house they owned. How did your BIL even know about the vacant house?
And, why did your husband's brother think that it was "his right" to live with YOUR aunt for free?
Now that I think about it, my brothers only met my hubby's aunts at our wedding, too. I am not even sure that my brothers know/knew my husband's aunts names, and my brothers certainly would not know if any of my husband's aunts had a vacant house. And, NO ONE would expect to live in a vacant house of a complete stranger for free. Sheesh!
And, why can't your aunt just kick the man out if she is unhappy with the situation?
Heck, if someone was "squatting" in a house that I owned I would kick them out or legality evict them. Why isn't your aunt doing that?
None of this makes any sense at all.
It makes sense to me. OP's family seems to be very nice and generous and the Aunt ended up knowing about BIL and this set-up was arranged.
I would be mad too if he didn't do what he is supposed to for her. Unfortunately it's hard to meddle. When it's the Aunt that needs to set the rules.
I let someone stay with me and it was weird and hard at first to boss him around but after a while I was like hey - I'm not giving up part of my space for no reason. If you don't want to do what you are supposed to, then you can leave.
Sounds like the Aunt doesn't want to be that way. It is hard for nice people who do right and expect that others will as well. It's an extra burden for her that he puts her in that position. To be stern with him when he should just be doing it on his own.
I would have flipped on him walking past that yard work or whatever. I would have been like you need to come over here and help me with this. Period.
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