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As a rule, I don't befriend coworkers. Now, I know it is important to maintain a functional working relationship so I try to stay friendly but I'm very reserved against being too close to coworkers. Because when more money or a better position is on the line, every man for himself.
This has always been my MO too. Friendly on the job, a good working relationship, but not too personal. I have found that works best also with neighbors. You can build a personal friendship, but it takes time and trust.
You never know what someone really holds against until it is too late, and in a career this can have real negative consequences.
I have had friends who would talk about their new boyfriends, and very personal things with co-workers, over-sharing imo....only to have it discredit them professionally.
Last edited by JanND; 05-04-2017 at 07:13 AM..
Reason: added text
Yes. Anything you say can and will be used against you, maybe not that day, maybe years later. Opinions about anything except the weather can be used as blackmail.
Yes. Anything you say can and will be used against you, maybe not that day, maybe years later. Opinions about anything except the weather can be used as blackmail.
I'm just happy I learned this lesson before too much damage was done. It's been a very jarring experience.
I used to think I was very good at reading people and I knew who I could trust and who I can't. I've had a serious reality check and I've come to realize you can never totally read anyone. Even when people really are being genuine, they can change on you when circumstances change.
NEVER AGAIN! Moving forward I will just focus on doing amazing work and try to distance myself from the relationships. When I think of some of the personal information I almost shared with someone who ended up stabbing me in the back later I get chills!
A friend of mine used to be a clerk in a law firm, and the other non-lawyer employees were real gossips, actually not very nice people. She used to feed them all sorts of made-up stories to give them something to chew on. One time she was going to a Christian revival meeting out of town but rather than say that, she told someone she was going to a nudist colony weekend retreat. This person repeated the story to some others, and someone else walked up to her and asked whether it was true, and she said "Yes!" To this day, they probably believed her.
Not that I have anything against nudist retreats. It's just funny that these people apparently have no lives and the highlight of their day is to gossip and back stab.
By the way, I get a kick out of the auto-generated "Similar Threads":
"Please help, backstabbing friend owes me lots of money"
"GOP backstabbing GOP -- who knew?"
"backstabbing sale agents"
Anyone experience getting stabbed in the back by co-workers as you advance more in your career?
Its finally sinking in to me that you cannot have friends at work unless you want to stay at a low level.
Every time I rise up a little I experience backstabbing, sabotage or other nonsense from co-workers. Often people whom I had good relationships with before. Its very disappointing and sad.
I have a buddy experiencing the same thing on his job.
Is it them hating on you OR do you have a mild case of "I'm the man" attitude (ego) because of the "rise"?
Sometimes, we have to look in the mirror and do a humility check.
It can certainly happen that a co-worker is a backstabber. But if you're experiencing it across the board, then it might be something specific to your field, your company, or your personality.
Anyone experience getting stabbed in the back by co-workers as you advance more in your career?
Its finally sinking in to me that you cannot have friends at work unless you want to stay at a low level.
Every time I rise up a little I experience backstabbing, sabotage or other nonsense from co-workers. Often people whom I had good relationships with before. Its very disappointing and sad.
I have a buddy experiencing the same thing on his job.
I was reading some of the posts here and it's quite interesting. There are people who have never experienced back-stabbing in their career. This is supposedly because they have people skills and others don't. I'm sorry to say you can have all the people skills in the world - this is what I charge on - you can be nice, you can be cold, you can mind your own business, you can be a gossip and so on. It doesn't matter...all of us will experience a person who will go behind our back to do something to sabotage our work/fammily life/lifestyle etc. It's about attention and how much you're getting.
Mother Theresa (and all of us know she had people skills) experienced this. https://cmpaul.wordpress.com/2010/08...mother-teresa/
I was reading some of the posts here and it's quite interesting. There are people who have never experienced back-stabbing in their career. This is supposedly because they have people skills and others don't. I'm sorry to say you can have all the people skills in the world - this is what I charge on - you can be nice, you can be cold, you can mind your own business, you can be a gossip and so on. It doesn't matter...all of us will experience a person who will go behind our back to do something to sabotage our work/fammily life/lifestyle etc. It's about attention and how much you're getting.
Mother Theresa (and all of us know she had people skills) experienced this. https://cmpaul.wordpress.com/2010/08...mother-teresa/
This is true.
A lot of people here are trying to blame ME for some reason. I don't know why. People are responsible for their own behavior. If you back-stab someone that is a choice YOU make. You cannot blame that person's ego or personality and say it justifies stabbing them in the back.
No excuse!
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovely40
Is it them hating on you OR do you have a mild case of "I'm the man" attitude (ego) because of the "rise"?
Sometimes, we have to look in the mirror and do a humility check.
There is NO EXCUSE to stab someone in the back! Doesn't matter who they are or what their personality is. Wrong is wrong.
I'm just happy I learned this lesson before too much damage was done. It's been a very jarring experience.
I used to think I was very good at reading people and I knew who I could trust and who I can't. I've had a serious reality check and I've come to realize you can never totally read anyone. Even when people really are being genuine, they can change on you when circumstances change.
NEVER AGAIN! Moving forward I will just focus on doing amazing work and try to distance myself from the relationships. When I think of some of the personal information I almost shared with someone who ended up stabbing me in the back later I get chills!
Well thankfully you found out before you over-shared. Keep personal out of the office, always. People can be very untrustworthy where income is involved. Good luck to you going forward.
Folks,
Workplace backstabbing is a way of life, didn't you know that?
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