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It is a lot of work to move people's furniture. That is why when most people want help moving, most friends run for cover and say they are busy.
So one time I was excited about having a new friend and when she asked for help moving things I was not too busy and spent my afternoon helping with the move.
I always thought that one aspect of friendship was: " I help you with something, and then you help me later" Life has told me through the years that most people don't think that way. I do them a big favor and then when I need help, they are usually too busy to help me. When I complain, they say my philosophy of: "I help you with something, and then you help me" does not make sense. They say "I don't owe you anything. You helped me, that was nice, but it should not be a tit for tat arrangement."
A common reply should be, "well find new and better friends." But most new friends seem to agree with the lady who I helped move but would not help me out when I needed her. Thoughts?
You know, I get it.
But your friends are right in a way. Your approach that I highlight is completely wrong. It's keeping score. You are friend for who they are not what they can do for you. Yes, a friend will help you in need, but that's not why you're friends with them in the first place.
As far as the woman, I have no idea all of what happened between the time you helped her move and you needed the ride to the airport.
When I asked her to drive me to the airport it basically to save money on parking. Which is $16 a day. It was a month long trip so the parking would be $480.00. I lived at the time about 60 miles from the airport so a taxi would have been very expensive. Actually, the lady who would not drive us to the airport, which was 3 miles from her house, was a family friend and my wife was closest to her at the time. My wife was very upset at her.
I see that the OP is "no longer a member", but I can see how someone might balk at being asked not just to drive the spouse of a family friend to the airport, but then to have to babysit his car for a month? Nope. And since the OP mentions a wife, why can't the wife drive him?
If you help a friend, then they should be more helpful when you need help. However, maybe she was not available at the time you needed a ride. You sound like a kind hearted person, so don't be too giving until you know a person better.
I might be willing to drive someone 3 miles to the airport, but it doesn't mean I want their car at my place for a whole month.
Plus, someone who lives that close to the airport probably gets this same request from A LOT of people, and gets really tired of being an airport shuttle service.
No, friendships should not be tit for tat. However, when one person is doing favors for another all the time, and then finally has occaision to ask what seems like a small favor and there is an immediate excuse, that is a sign to move on.
It is a lot of work to move people's furniture. That is why when most people want help moving, most friends run for cover and say they are busy.
So one time I was excited about having a new friend and when she asked for help moving things I was not too busy and spent my afternoon helping with the move.
I always thought that one aspect of friendship was: " I help you with something, and then you help me later" Life has told me through the years that most people don't think that way. I do them a big favor and then when I need help, they are usually too busy to help me. When I complain, they say my philosophy of: "I help you with something, and then you help me" does not make sense. They say "I don't owe you anything. You helped me, that was nice, but it should not be a tit for tat arrangement."
A common reply should be, "well find new and better friends." But most new friends seem to agree with the lady who I helped move but would not help me out when I needed her. Thoughts?
I agree, if you had an IOU attached to helping her, she had a right to know it. You didn't give details about why, but I will tell you I don't do airport pickups for the most part because I get scared trying to navigate the airport area, and there's tons of traffic, it's over an hour away from me. There are other things I will do however. If you need a place to stay, you're welcome to come...if you need money I might even help with that depending on who it is, but I don't like driving into Philly and not going to feel guilty about it. I don't even drive there when I go to the airport, I go to a place miles away where I leave my car and they drive you to the actual airport.
You also didn't state anything about your flights...are they on Friday during rush hour? 6am Saturday morning? 12 midnight? There are in my opinion some things you just don't ask, like airport rides at these type of hours. When I stayed with a friend in Detroit, I didn't rent a car. She picked me up when I arrived because it was a convenient time for her, but my return flight was at 7am. That means she would have had to get up at like 4 am to get me there 2 hours before my flight. I would never ask that of someone, regardless how good a friend. For the return trip I arranged a car service to pick me up at her house at 5am, before I even left to go visit her, because that's again just a rude thing to ask of someone's hospitality for me, anyway.
I will bend over backwards to help my friends when I can, and I'm grateful for any help they give to me. But if I can't do something because of a conflict that cannot be avoided, that should be respected.
For example, I will help anyone move if my schedule is clear. But if you need a ride to the airport during a workday when I'm under deadline, you're gonna have to find another way - especially since I know there are multiple solutions to that problem that do not require me messing with my job.
Plus, someone who lives that close to the airport probably gets this same request from A LOT of people, and gets really tired of being an airport shuttle service.
That's a great point. I'm sure that the OP is not the first and only person who's asked this woman for an airport favor since she lives so close. She might be willing to do it for a close friend or family member, but not for her mom's friend's daughter's husband (or whatever the connection is.)
It is a lot of work to move people's furniture. That is why when most people want help moving, most friends run for cover and say they are busy.
So one time I was excited about having a new friend and when she asked for help moving things I was not too busy and spent my afternoon helping with the move.
I always thought that one aspect of friendship was: " I help you with something, and then you help me later" Life has told me through the years that most people don't think that way. I do them a big favor and then when I need help, they are usually too busy to help me. When I complain, they say my philosophy of: "I help you with something, and then you help me" does not make sense. They say "I don't owe you anything. You helped me, that was nice, but it should not be a tit for tat arrangement."
A common reply should be, "well find new and better friends." But most new friends seem to agree with the lady who I helped move but would not help me out when I needed her. Thoughts?
I assume they will help me later, however I DO NOT keep score, it doesn't have to be one for one..
I might help my Friend 3 times, and he helps me once, no score keeping required..
I lived at the time about 60 miles from the airport so a taxi would have been very expensive. Actually, the lady who would not drive us to the airport, which was 3 miles from her house, was a family friend and my wife was closest to her at the time.
So would she be expected to drive 60 miles to pick you up and then drive you back to the airport, or where you going to drive to her house and she would have to deal with your car for a month? I would not want someone's car sitting in my drive way or in front of my house for a week. She might not be able to store your car on the street for that long, and depending on the driveway she might have to play musical cars every time she leaves her house and comes home. Having to deal with that for a month is a much bigger commitment then helping someone move for a few hours.
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