Should I tell my female best friend I am distancing myself from her because I have feelings for her?

[GoCUBS1]

Contrary to popular opinion here, I don't think you should tell her anything.

I do think you should make a point of spending more time with other friends, making new friends, dating more, picking up hobbies, etc. so you won't have the time/inclination to dwell on a woman who has a bf and is sending mixed signals. You will also have a built-in excuse for why you're not spending as much time with her (e.g. you're spending more time with your new hobby, friends, etc.).

IMO not telling her anything 1) helps you retain your self-respect/dignity 2) keeps you from a possible dispute with the bf 3) keeps you more viable for a potential relationship should she become single again, as she won't see you as the guy she rejected and you'll still have a bit of mystery to you...

If you want to call this a "game" so be it - spilling all your feelings can be overrated. In my younger, single, hot and selfish years I know how I treated my guy "friends" who professed their feelings for me when I was into someone else, and it wasn't always pretty..

[kelly237]

Originally Posted by GoCUBS1

Contrary to popular opinion here, I don't think you should tell her anything.

I do think you should make a point of spending more time with other friends, making new friends, dating more, picking up hobbies, etc. so you won't have the time/inclination to dwell on a woman who has a bf and is sending mixed signals. You will also have a built-in excuse for why you're not spending as much time with her (e.g. you're spending more time with your new hobby, friends, etc.).

IMO not telling her anything 1) helps you retain your self-respect/dignity 2) keeps you from a possible dispute with the bf 3) keeps you more viable for a potential relationship should she become single again, as she won't see you as the guy she rejected and you'll still have a bit of mystery to you...

If you want to call this a "game" so be it - spilling all your feelings can be overrated. In my younger, single, hot and selfish years I know how I treated my guy "friends" who professed their feelings for me when I was into someone else, and it wasn't always pretty..

No game there, I tend to agree with your advice. I was just saying that if he tells her, then tell her like an adult.

[AKtoWAtoUT]

Originally Posted by miu

I wouldn't complicate matters by telling her your feelings. Instead, since she is in a relationship, perhaps you should try to make some new friends and look for a girlfriend.

BTW are you waiting and hoping that she becomes available in the near future? IMO if she becomes available at some point, and in the meantime you never date anyone else, I feel that she will still view you as a brother figure. But... if you at least asking other women out, she might feel some pangs of jealousy or at least see you as boyfriend material since other women are having interest in you.

Anyway, distance yourself from her by spending time with new friends and other women. It will make you seem more interesting to her.

This makes sense, but it'd be kind of disingenuous to date other women just to make this girl jealous. I'm not saying people don't do this ALL THE TIME, though.

[juancarbonell]

Something I have learned over time is that women don't like it when you are too much into them. They like men who are not into them.

You ask a girl out and there is a 50/50 chance she will say yes or no. Some will say no, but eventually one will say yes.

[kelly237]

Originally Posted by juancarbonell

Something I have learned over time is that women don't like it when you are too much into them. They like men who are not into them.

You ask a girl out and there is a 50/50 chance she will say yes or no. Some will say no, but eventually one will say yes.

I think it is just that if you are not attracted to a guy it is awkward if they don't take the hint.

When 2 people are both interested in each other it usually falls into place very easily.

[ItsRick24]

The OP is in a catch-22. He can distance himself, not reveal his true feelings, and she may think he's weird...
Or he can go ahead and reveal - and still she may think he's weird.

But she is already taken - in which case, I'd just keep my mouth shut. Might, repeat, might be a different story if she wasn't.

[Spreadofllknowledge]

It's good to have female friends