Should I tell my female best friend I am distancing myself from her because I have feelings for her? (brother, adults)

[Crashj007]

Send her a CD of "When Harry Met Sally"

[DaveinMtAiry]

Originally Posted by snugglegirl05

It is God's will.

Both of you should talk to God about this individually.

God will let you know what he wants both of you to do.

But it has to be what God wants. Not what she wants and not what you want.

She may be open to this, but the ball is in God's court.

So wait for God's response.

Just because you tell her how you feel about her does not mean that God has chosen you for her and her for you..

So she told you that she thinks about you as a brother, and she tells you that it is God's will whether or not the 2 of you will be together.

Listen very carefully to that one.

Stop.

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by homenj

I know I shouldn't tell her I have feelings for her but I do want to distance myself from her. I stopped texting her. But if she starts to notice I am distancing myself I feel I should just be honest. I don't want to lie and say the usual "Oh I have just been too busy." Plus maybe it would be best if I just tell her just to relieve myself, even if I do destroy our friendship. I was thinking of just telling her something like "Well I want to give you some distance because you have a boyfriend and it wouldn't be right for me to hang out with you when I have a crush on you." Thoughts?

I would just keep your distance and only reveal yourself if she asks you directly.

[zentropa]

I really find it hard to understand how people can suddenly fall for their "best friend." It seems to me that a normal person ( meaning, an honest, ethical person) would choose a platonic friend of the opposite sex BECAUSE there was zero sexual or romantic attraction.

But I believe that in most cases, the attraction is already there and the friendship is used as a smokescreen that guarantees proximity and contact. Someone is fooling the other and fooling themselves.

My advice to the OP: Time to stop lying and be honest. Being an ethical person matters more than the outcome. At least it should.

[snugglegirl05]

Originally Posted by DaveinMtAiry

Stop.

The OP did mention God's will in their post.
I can reply with how I feel.
So can you.

[miu]

Originally Posted by zentropa

I really find it hard to understand how people can suddenly fall for their "best friend." It seems to me that a normal person ( meaning, an honest, ethical person) would choose a platonic friend of the opposite sex BECAUSE there was zero sexual or romantic attraction.

All my boyfriends and husband, have been my best friend first. It's a very American/Western concept to search for true love based solely on sexual attraction and looks. And that's why so many marriages fail. One shouldn't mistake initial infatuation and passion with true love and being soul mates. Mature long lasting love develops over time, where the couple finds that they have common life goals and interests, similar morals, and they have formed strong bonds through shared activities.

That said, with many platonic best male/female friends, there never is a spark and they never cross the line into becoming romantic partners. It all depends. But my previous advice to the OP still stands. If he at least tries to go on a few dates with other women, then his best friend might start to see him as a potential romantic partner. But right now, since he is not dating anyone else, he appears to her as only an assexual brotherly figure.

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by zentropa

I really find it hard to understand how people can suddenly fall for their "best friend." It seems to me that a normal person ( meaning, an honest, ethical person) would choose a platonic friend of the opposite sex BECAUSE there was zero sexual or romantic attraction.

But I believe that in most cases, the attraction is already there and the friendship is used as a smokescreen that guarantees proximity and contact. Someone is fooling the other and fooling themselves.

My advice to the OP: Time to stop lying and be honest. Being an ethical person matters more than the outcome. At least it should.

Completely not true. I have an general sexual attraction to my female best friend, but I like the friendship so much, I'm not willing to make a move on her to risk wreaking said friendship. I don't consider myself less ethical for being attracted to my best friend. Of course, I'm kind of an ahole anyway so I don't have a high ethical content anwway.

[miu]

Originally Posted by The Dissenter

Completely not true. I have an general sexual attraction to my female best friend, but I like the friendship so much, I'm not willing to make a move on her to risk wreaking said friendship. I don't consider myself less ethical for being attracted to my best friend. Of course, I'm kind of an ahole anyway so I don't have a high ethical content anwway.

Because like the OP, you are a MAN!

I think that it's much easier and more common for women to have a platonic male best friend and never be sexually attracted to him.

[GeoffD]

Originally Posted by snugglegirl05

It is God's will.

Both of you should talk to God about this individually.

You'll achieve better results if you skip the middleman and communicate with them directly.

[Debsi]

If somebody loves you like a brother, they will NEVER love you as a boyfriend.

Do you really want to be her friend if you can't ever have her romantic love? If you don't, I'd tell her the truth. It's kinder than just disappearing.