Should I tell my female best friend I am distancing myself from her because I have feelings for her? (friendship, feel)
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"We should go to the museum of sex someday."
What did you say?
Sounds like she either is interested or playing games. Are you getting a lot of mixed signals?
I think Miu had the best advice. (#7)
I am bewildered by the definition people in this thread seem to be using of "best friend."
Especially the one who said all her boyfriends were previously her best friends. What? No female best friends, just serial boy besties? That's not normal, hello.
I really find it hard to understand how people can suddenly fall for their "best friend." It seems to me that a normal person ( meaning, an honest, ethical person) would choose a platonic friend of the opposite sex BECAUSE there was zero sexual or romantic attraction.
But I believe that in most cases, the attraction is already there and the friendship is used as a smokescreen that guarantees proximity and contact. Someone is fooling the other and fooling themselves.
You meet someone, you become friends, you develop feelings of more than friendship. It happens. It happened to me with a guy. We eventually got together and were together for 8 years. Attraction can develop based on getting to know someone's personality over time. Things aren't always black or white and attraction isn't always immediate.
I am bewildered by the definition people in this thread seem to be using of "best friend."
Especially the one who said all her boyfriends were previously her best friends. What? No female best friends, just serial boy besties? That's not normal, hello.
Yes. That would be me. I've been a tomboy all my life (yes, I prefer being in t-shirt, jeans and sneakers sans makeup... and I am not a transgender). So my first serious boyfriend was the drummer in a band that I played bass guitar in. Another boyfriend was a fellow antique dealer. I met my husband through a car message board and we did take a very fun and platonic road trip to CA together before eventually becoming romantic partners.
And no, I don't connect that well with other women. I'm not interested in shopping for clothes or makeup. I don't like babies and kids. When I got married, I was not interested in being a princess for a very expensive day, surrounded by bridesmaids in matching dresses and groomsmen in rented tuxes. I do have some close friends that are women, but I just enjoy the company of men much much better. Most women don't relate well to me either. I also voted for Trump and saw all my female high school friends on Facebook have emotional breakdowns... which made me feel even more dissimilar to them.
Okay, so again... and I have said this to many of my younger female co-workers, a potential boyfriend should be best friend quality first. And what is wrong with that? And next, determine if the two of you have common long term goals, such as having kids and how to raise them, where to live, career goals, and dreams. Infatuations/sexual attractions are temporary. And if there is a marriage, that best friend connection is what is going to help the couple make it to their 50th wedding anniversary when they are grey haired or bald, and covered in wrinkles. A woman who catches her man because she is a 10 in looks, is going to be a very unhappy and insecure companion when she loses her youthful beauty.
And the same goes for men. If a woman only dates and marries a man because he is handsome, what will happen to her love for him when he becomes fat and bald?
My husband loves my brain and my personality. And that gives me confidence that he will still love me decades from now.
Oh and another important thing... another marker of success is if the couple can make each other laugh and they are smiling all of the time. Honestly, if one is so lovestruck and smitten by their date that they have problems speaking, well IMO it doesn't make for a healthy longterm romantic relationship if eventually the smitten one can't relax and be themselves around their partner.
I am bewildered by the definition people in this thread seem to be using of "best friend."
Especially the one who said all her boyfriends were previously her best friends. What? No female best friends, just serial boy besties? That's not normal, hello.
I was wondering the same thing. I think "best friend" is thrown around too casually.
Yes. That would be me. I've been a tomboy all my life (yes, I prefer being in t-shirt, jeans and sneakers sans makeup... and I am not a transgender). So my first serious boyfriend was the drummer in a band that I played bass guitar in. Another boyfriend was a fellow antique dealer. I met my husband through a car message board and we did take a very fun and platonic road trip to CA together before eventually becoming romantic partners.
And no, I don't connect that well with other women. I'm not interested in shopping for clothes or makeup. I don't like babies and kids. When I got married, I was not interested in being a princess for a very expensive day, surrounded by bridesmaids in matching dresses and groomsmen in rented tuxes. I do have some close friends that are women, but I just enjoy the company of men much much better. Most women don't relate well to me either. I also voted for Trump and saw all my female high school friends on Facebook have emotional breakdowns... which made me feel even more dissimilar to them.
Okay, so again... and I have said this to many of my younger female co-workers, a potential boyfriend should be best friend quality first. And what is wrong with that? And next, determine if the two of you have common long term goals, such as having kids and how to raise them, where to live, career goals, and dreams. Infatuations/sexual attractions are temporary. And if there is a marriage, that best friend connection is what is going to help the couple make it to their 50th wedding anniversary when they are grey haired or bald, and covered in wrinkles. A woman who catches her man because she is a 10 in looks, is going to be a very unhappy and insecure companion when she loses her youthful beauty.
And the same goes for men. If a woman only dates and marries a man because he is handsome, what will happen to her love for him when he becomes fat and bald?
My husband loves my brain and my personality. And that gives me confidence that he will still love me decades from now.
Oh and another important thing... another marker of success is if the couple can make each other laugh and they are smiling all of the time. Honestly, if one is so lovestruck and smitten by their date that they have problems speaking, well IMO it doesn't make for a healthy longterm romantic relationship if eventually the smitten one can't relax and be themselves around their partner.
I was with up up til you started slagging female friendships. Have you tried being friends with women instead of girls? Shopping and makeup was what i was into at 14, not my 30's-40s.
You meet someone, you become friends, you develop feelings of more than friendship. It happens. It happened to me with a guy. We eventually got together and were together for 8 years. Attraction can develop based on getting to know someone's personality over time. Things aren't always black or white and attraction isn't always immediate.
There have been studies done where researchers found that strangers judge other strangers more harshly about how they look. But when strangers were introduced and they spent some time in each others company exchanging pleasantries, when queried later, they found their new acquaintances more attractive.
In other words, if you're sitting at a bar with friends and making comments about the people across the room, trying to decide who to meet, you and your friends will be more nitpicking about their looks. However, if there is a chance to talk with various strangers, they might become more attractive as their personality is revealed or finding out that those strangers are doctors or have some other interesting career. Or maybe they have an exotic accent when they speak.
And with friendships, sometimes our friends let us down and then we distance ourselves from them. Or maybe the opposite happens, and in a crisis they do something amazing and really help you out. Then their status in your life is elevated.
I was with up up til you started slagging female friendships. Have you tried being friends with women instead of girls? Shopping and makeup was what i was into at 14, not my 30's-40s.
Really? What would I have in common with mature women who dote on their grandchildren? All the women my age at work want to talk about how cute their grandchildren are. So I just leave them to their discussions. And when most women's car breaks down, they don't have a clue what's wrong with it. But with the guys, sometimes I even know more than them. I also prefer driving stick shift, and that's a rare skill in a woman. Again, I am a tomboy.
Both of you should talk to God about this individually.
God will let you know what he wants both of you to do.
But it has to be what God wants. Not what she wants and not what you want.
She may be open to this, but the ball is in God's court.
So wait for God's response.
Just because you tell her how you feel about her does not mean that God has chosen you for her and her for you..
So she told you that she thinks about you as a brother, and she tells you that it is God's will whether or not the 2 of you will be together.
Listen very carefully to that one.
I disagree, this has a lot more to do with Odin and his consort Frigg. Unless OP wants a 'friends with benefits' situation in which case it is more Freya's domain.
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