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Hi original poster. I'm in my early 40's now, and was in same boat as you when I was around 31-32-ish and married for a couple years. My wife wanted them more than me, but she was ok not having them if I felt strongly that I did not want them.
I was on the fence about having them, but a nagging feeling inside that I didn't want them. So I did my research, just as you are doing now. I talked to exactly 20 older married and divorced men, mostly ones who I worked with. Told them about my feelings, and asked them if they felt that way when they were younger. Guess what they all, every one of them, said. They ALL knew they wanted kids 100%, no doubts whatsoever! Not once did I meet an older guy who said "well I wasn't sure about it but I went ahead and did it anyways and it turned out great!". Never met that guy.
I also posted on here asking like you are! So my research helped me to come to the conclusion that I didn't want kids, and I never had them and I'm soooo glad I didn't. Years later when my wife said her period was late, privately I was so scared, so terrified, so mortified that she was going to be pregnant, but luckily it didn't happen. I truly feel like I dodged a bullet lol and that just confirms that I made the right decision.
I've been married almost 15 years to a great woman and I love my life the way it is. We travel everywhere, eat out, see shows, movies, etc. go out of state on a whim, and do what our hearts desire, and its a great life. However, doesn't mean having children will not bring you happiness, or mean you can't do these things with them, its just some of us are not meant to have them, and if you know in your heart that's the case, the best thing to do is listen to yourself. You will be much happier, and you will have avoided having an unwanted child. My advice, don't have them if you are feeling the way I did about 13 years ago. I did the research for you! Volunteer your time with kids to make up for it
Another word of advice original poster, do not under any circumstances take advice about this topic from women, only listen to advice from men who either have or don't have kids. When I was doing my research every woman said to ignore my feelings, and to just have kids anyways. Said I'll change my mind, and never mind that I'm unsure. Every one. Women are genetically inclined to love having kids no matter what, its just the way they're designed. And that's a good thing!
Another word of advice original poster, do not under any circumstances take advice about this topic from women, only listen to advice from men who either have or don't have kids. When I was doing my research every woman said to ignore my feelings, and to just have kids anyways. Said I'll change my mind, and never mind that I'm unsure. Every one. Women are genetically inclined to love having kids no matter what, its just the way they're designed. And that's a good thing!
That's unfair. I am a woman and am decidedly child-free. I know many women who are. You can't make sweeping generalizations like that. We are individuals!
Hi original poster. I'm in my early 40's now, and was in same boat as you when I was around 31-32-ish and married for a couple years. My wife wanted them more than me, but she was ok not having them if I felt strongly that I did not want them.
I was on the fence about having them, but a nagging feeling inside that I didn't want them. So I did my research, just as you are doing now. I talked to exactly 20 older married and divorced men, mostly ones who I worked with. Told them about my feelings, and asked them if they felt that way when they were younger. Guess what they all, every one of them, said. They ALL knew they wanted kids 100%, no doubts whatsoever! Not once did I meet an older guy who said "well I wasn't sure about it but I went ahead and did it anyways and it turned out great!". Never met that guy.
I also posted on here asking like you are! So my research helped me to come to the conclusion that I didn't want kids, and I never had them and I'm soooo glad I didn't. Years later when my wife said her period was late, privately I was so scared, so terrified, so mortified that she was going to be pregnant, but luckily it didn't happen. I truly feel like I dodged a bullet lol and that just confirms that I made the right decision.
I've been married almost 15 years to a great woman and I love my life the way it is. We travel everywhere, eat out, see shows, movies, etc. go out of state on a whim, and do what our hearts desire, and its a great life. However, doesn't mean having children will not bring you happiness, or mean you can't do these things with them, its just some of us are not meant to have them, and if you know in your heart that's the case, the best thing to do is listen to yourself. You will be much happier, and you will have avoided having an unwanted child. My advice, don't have them if you are feeling the way I did about 13 years ago. I did the research for you! Volunteer your time with kids to make up for it
Your wife ended up being ok with the decision to not have kids? or are you with a different woman now?
That's unfair. I am a woman and am decidedly child-free. I know many women who are. You can't make sweeping generalizations like that. We are individuals!
Very true......I've got several female friends who are child-free by choice, one of whom had a hard time convincing doctors that she really DID want to have a tubal ligation.
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