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I'm a woman over 35, and I have a female cousin who is even older, and we are the last of our bloodline. we are pressured constantly to have kids to preserve the blood, but neither of us have had the desire. We're both very career oriented, so I guess that had a lot to do with it.
What, though, really is preserved in your bloodline? Your children have half of your genes, but by the time of your great grandchildren it is 12% at the most, and beyond that little more is shared than with a random person from the general population. None of our genes is unique, we share most of them with every other human. I think it is more important to help ensure the future of human-kind in general than my descendants in particular. I have no children, but there is as much of me in my nieces and nephews as there would be in my direct grandchildren. Have children for their own sake, but not to preserve a legacy.
I know there's people who are sure they don't want kids. But is there anybody who is older and still hasn't decided yet.
Ok, I'm a good amount older than 35 actually. But I am a guy.
So, what do you do if you're still not sure?
I guess you could say I live the life of a much younger person. I still like going to the bar and drinking beers, watching movies I've watched before, and I have a variety of hobbies and interests that are still pretty strong. I love my goofing off time.
My social network is thin, but dating/relationship has provided me with entertainment and adventures recently.
There's just never been a strong urge for me to have kids. I mean, I think I could be a good father. But I also think it would 'get in the way' of me enjoying life if that makes sense. Plus, I really don't like my career that much, so the idea of working my arse off and coming home and having no time to unwind is a bit scary.
People have told me I'm selfish for these reasons. I think that's rubbish. But I digress.
What do you do if you're still not sure at this age? Let's just say I should probably decide soon. Or at least strongly lean one way.
Any others in this boat or have been? Any experiences, and ideas?
I'm a good bit older than 35 and I am comfortable with my choice not to have kids. I have moments where I wonder, but overall I'm ok with it. I'm biased obviously, but I think it's dumber than a bag of hammers to call someone selfish for not having kids. I mean who do you think you are dictating who should have kids, I mean it's almost offensive to me. No one owes society kids. I can see if we're rebuilding from the zombie apocalypse and need more people, fine, otherwise keep your wagging finger out of my face.
What, though, really is preserved in your bloodline? Your children have half of your genes, but by the time of your great grandchildren it is 12% at the most, and beyond that little more is shared than with a random person from the general population. None of our genes is unique, we share most of them with every other human. I think it is more important to help ensure the future of human-kind in general than my descendants in particular. I have no children, but there is as much of me in my nieces and nephews as there would be in my direct grandchildren. Have children for their own sake, but not to preserve a legacy.
Mitochobdrial DNA is preserved forever in female descendants. I like the thought of oreserving my maternal "bloodlne."
There are times I want to have kids but then I remember dating is a lot of work so it turns me off to marriage, I like my freedom, and the world is overpopulated and likely headed for a major environmental catastrophe.
I'm unsure and I'm going to be 30 this year. It's a little different for me because i'm a woman. consider yourself lucky that you have a lot of time to decide. This is something that causes me stress pretty much on a daily basis so i can understand the difficulty of being unsure, but like i said, it's a lot harder as a woman.
Either way, it sounds like you are very content with your life. If you wanted to have kids maybe you would feel like you are missing out on something and you would have had them already. sounds like you are pretty fulfilled which is awesome!
Selfish is selfish is selfish no matter the age or status:kids/no kids.
It can be very selfish to bring children into this hectic world.
It can be very selfish to not: "It's all about ME! ME! ME!"
OP-- Perhaps explore all of this with a good counselor.
it's not always about me me me even when you don't have children.
A dear friend of mine desperately wants children but she takes care of her sick parents full-time. Hardly seems selfish to me...
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Or at least strongly lean one way.
so i can understand the difficulty of being unsure, but like i said, it's a lot harder as a woman.
