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I'm calmed down. There's no point in ruining everything over some dead guy.
I'm not sure if I'm explaining that it's not bc the test says I'm 5% Italian or whatever that's making me say he's not my dad. It's bc the DNA relatives is linking me as first and second cousins to the other man's family.
The nationality thing may not be perfect but the fact that I'm cousins with the guy who my mom ****ed around the time I was conceived is the main issue.
Judas Priest...you need a paternity test, NOT a heritage test.
Mom and Dad are the ones who love you and raise you, not the ones who have a fling and poop out the baby and abandon him/her.
You should read the bibliography of Julie Andrews, the actress in The Sounds of Music, on Wikipedia. She did not know her biological father until she was 15 years old. And she did not reveal this "secrete" to the media until 2008.
There are thousands or millions of children who were born and abandoned by irresponsible people; but fortunately there were people who wanted them and loved them and raised them. Who cares about your past. You are not alone. Millions of people are in the same situation as yours. There's no secrete. Just let go and move on. Be grateful to the ones who loved you and raised you. Do good things back to your dad who raised you.
Families should never keep things like that secret from their children. We all have a right to know our true roots and our medical history. I have several hereditary medical problems that do not exist anywhere within my family. I KNOW I have illegitimate status somewhere, but nobody will talk about even though I'm in my 60s.
That being said, our "real" dads are the men who raised us, fed and clothed us, put us through school and did all the things real dads do.
When I was an adult, I found out my big sister has a different father. She's literally my sister from another mister.
However...
My father adopted her and raised her as his own when he married my mom. She has ALWAYS been my sister. Not my half sister, step sister, whatever. It doesn't matter who her biological father was. It did, however, shed some light on some of the tensions I saw between her and my dad growing up, and that one period where she called herself by a different last name...
In my case, I appreciated the reasons why they kept the truth from me, and I appreciated finally being told the truth. My sister is still my sister. That doesn't change the love and the bond.
I think so many on this thread want for this now deceased person to NOT be your Father that they are ignoring the strong evidence that you are providing. I would give a lot of thought to the option of telling "Dad" what you have uncovered but tell him how much you value his relationship and the positive impact he has made in your life since becoming a part of it. Why does this relationship have to be "Father/Daughter" to get most if not all the same benefits (non-financial) both of you have been getting from it?
Thanks for all your thoughts and insight. I think I'm resolute in my decision to not say anything. I haven't told anyone so I'm good there.
I'm going to take an Internet break and try to focus on other things.
I really appreciate all the advice.
I think that is a smart decision. Give it a few months and see how you feel. The only fly in the ointment is if dad gets a genealogy test too. If he did, do you think he would say anything to you?
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