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I never personally had a date actually ask to come in; they all waited to be invited, and to ask after a first date seems out of line. I know a woman, a senior no less, who asked a date in for coffee after a movie date. Well she started the coffee pot in the kitchen and when she returned to the living room the man was standing there nude! You just never know!
She should never have shared a car with him.
She should never have showed him where she lived.
I have to agree, here. Years ago, I joined Match. com, and started receiving calls from prospective dates. I had consented for my phone number to be given out, but not my address. Someone screwed up at the dating center and was giving my address out left and right. I didn't know this until I consented to a date with a young man for the upcoming weekend, and he already knew where I lived. The first sign of something being wrong was the fact that after we had made the date, he phoned me every night to "see how I was doing." I told him that I would see him that weekend, but the calls continued until I had to ignore them.
I began to feel as if I should cancel the date but since he already knew where I lived, I decided to go through with it so that I at least would know what he looked like and what kind of car he drove in case he turned out to be a creep. We went to a movie in his car, and he kept staring at me meaningfully instead of at the movie and I felt really uncomfortable. At the end of the evening he drove me home and insisted on coming in, but I told him I was tired. I resolved not to see him again but he started phoning me every day once more. One night he showed up, uninvited around midnight and started knocking really hard on the front door. I called the police but he had already driven away. I was frightened at this point and called the dating service and canceled. Thankfully after I threatened to report him to the authorities he stopped calling!
Oh, good lord, NO, she should not be tattling to the pastor that the choir director was a pushy date. She handled it, and that was that. Why turn it into a drama-rama? If every guy was outed to their boss when they tried to push the limits -- there would be a lot of bosses getting phone calls first thing Monday morning, y'know? Being a choir director is not a precursor to sainthood.
Oh, good lord, NO, she should not be tattling to the pastor that the choir director was a pushy date. She handled it, and that was that. Why turn it into a drama-rama? If every guy was outed to their boss when they tried to push the limits -- there would be a lot of bosses getting phone calls first thing Monday morning, y'know? Being a choir director is not a precursor to sainthood.
A church is not a regular job. It's a community of faith. I think comparing this to a job is inappropriate. The choir director has more than job authority over people. He has a social / spiritual leadership responsibility and that involves acting ethically.
I do agree that this is not enough in and of itself, but if he follows up, she should speak up.
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