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There is absolutely nothing wrong with a Samsung! Both my daughters have had Samsungs since they were allowed cell phones and I'm incredibly satisfied. I would have no issue putting my foot down and telling her she has to live with using a Samsung had I not promised her an iPhone. My main issue is that I don't want to disappoint her after promising her something I know she's been looking forward to for 3 years. She isn't too spoilt. If I hadn't made the mistake of promising her the newest iPhone at 16 she would completely understand us not being able to afford the latest model and would just ask for something else, but I promised her something and my wife and I have always tried to instill the value of staying true to your word in our kids, so it would be so hypocritical of me to manipulate that value whenever it suits my fancy. Not to mention I'd feel horrible letting her down.
The blame here is on me, I even got into a massive argument with my wife over this no more than 2 hours ago because she also thinks this whole situation is on me
You have to choose. You either own up to your mistake of promising something which you had every intention to keep, but circumstances won't allow. Or you disappoint her.
Which is the better life lesson.
It seems to me that you are most concerned about losing face, then teaching your daughter a lesson in reality. Arguing with your wife about this is simply compounding this....And, what does that teach your daughter. For that matter, what does this teach your wife.
It seems to me that the phone is symbolic of larger issues that should be your focus of concern.
ETA: Wow....I just read your latest post. Tantrums, cussing at you, demanding, there is no way this child has earned a new phone, let alone one that you cannot afford. After hearing how bad her behavior is I would not even give her money towards this phone. To do so after this behavior is to reinforce all this bad behavior.
As I posted earlier, this is about much more than the phone. There is an old saying....
What you accept, you teach.
You'd better get on board with your wife and parent this child like she deserves....or it will be something that you'll regret. The behavior you described is not acceptable, I don't care how you rationalize it, or where you live.
And, while you are at it...Maybe you could use the recent Calif fires as an example of real life hardships, of which not having the latest iphone is not one.
Last edited by JanND; 12-16-2017 at 05:05 AM..
Reason: ETA text
She's disrespectful because you've taught her to be. She's been indulged, sheltered, not taught the value of things. She sulks you jump. She knows you'll cave. This was the lesson she learned from you; she'll get what she wants if she guilts you into it or gives you the pity party. When she was little and her wants were a lot simpler and less expensive it was easy to satisfy her. Now the wants are much bigger and she expects the same result. Part of your post explains a lot..."sometimes I feel she has a right to be angry" What? Who's manipulating who here? Maybe she's getting a glimpse that the gravy train is coming to an end sooner than she'd prefer, so she's acting out. Don't blame this on a "phase". Its more serious than that.
I really wanted to sympathize with you, honestly I did. Until your followup posts explained more about her behavior. If you buy her the danged phone, even through a deal you can handle, she still ended up with the result she expects from you...a lot of anxiety and bending over backwards on your part just to sate her. If you don't buy her the danged phone and attempt to explain why it isn't realistic, she'll pout, act out, give you the silent treatment or whatever technique gets the best reaction, make you feel terrible, and won't learn a thing.
Its not about which phone it is, how to swing it, which model is better, all the fascinating technical detail, none of it. That is all convenient distraction. Its about reaping what you sow. When the big mean old world hits her in the face she will learn very fast that no one else is going to hand her what she wants just because she can behave badly.
If a child of mine acted this way there is no way I would buy them a new phone at all. If they show some respect and appreciation, that's when good things happen.
I would take their current phone away. Give them a flip phone for emergencies. Show how 'horrible' life can be. OMG! She has clothes on her back, food in her stomach, and a roof over her head. This is ridiculous.
Bottom line Dad, no there is no way to make the phone of her dreams affordable. And, it's ridiculous to pay it off monthly. You'll still be paying for that one when she wheedles for the IPhone XV. Reality check time, for both of you, is in order.
Actually more often than not whenever we argue about anything money related she always tells me something along the lines of "You know dad I'm going to work extremely hard to get into college and pursue a career that makes sure my kids don't have to go through what I'm going through with you and mom because it really sucks to be me right now" plus a few curse words in there I'm not going to repeat. I really don't appreciate the disrespect and I always tell her to be respectful towards us but we have quite a few issues with her in general.
Oh boy.
Let's say you cave and get her the phone. Are you also going to get an additional job this next year to pay it off? Keep in mind that next Christmas is only 374 days away. What's she going to want then?
You said you would get her an I-phone but did you say you would get her the latest and greatest I-phone? An I phone 6 is half the cost of an I-phone 10. It is still an Apple phone. Maybe you make a deal with her that you pay 500 bucks towards the phone of her choice and she comes up with the rest?
My husband did something similar with my daughter. He told her on her 16th birthday we would take her to Hawaii, very insistent on it. I told her it was a maybe, but my husband kept talking about it.
He lost his job, Hawaii won’t happen. I talked to her about it, and asked her to chose something affordable. She is disappointed but understands. It a good lesson for her.
I think this is what you need to do. Don’t put yourself in a bad situation to please your daughter.
Except that he’s told her repeatedly that he would get her an iPhone when she was 16. I think that was the mistake. Another lesson is the importance of keeping your word, and not getting her one at this point doesn’t help teach her that.
Of course if the money isn’t there it isn’t and OP may not be able to follow through. But I definitely don’t think it was right to repeatedly promise her an iPhone and then not get her one. FYI - there are monthly payment plans for iPhones.
So what if he told her that? Circumstances change (like the cost of iPhones going up and up). Time for a life lesson here. Sit her down and explain that the phones are too expensive and that it's simply not possible to spend the money at this time. If the daughter then makes "life miserable" because of a phone, and the fact that her parents are doing what's best for the family, she's headed for a life of entitlement and spoiled brat behavior.
Reminds me of a high school grad I once worked with. His father had promised him a new truck on his 21st birthday. A year before that, the dad's business went bankrupt and his parents divorced. Dad told his son there would be no truck. I listened week after week to this brat complain that his dad should just take a loan out, or sell his house, or work 2 jobs. Mind you, this kid worked part time and wasn't going to college.
16 might be too late to learn this valuable life lesson, but it's a start.
OP- go to "offer up" or "let go" sites......click on the deal that looks ridiculously cheap, meet the seller in the shady neighborhood after dark. When you get robbed, then tell the tale to your kid so they can believe in you for another year!
If you are broke, don't buy a kid a $950 Iphone......that is just crazy talk!
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