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I'd like some advice regarding an issue I'm dealing with this year as far as Christmas is concerned.
So my youngest daughter Daniella asked my wife and me for the newest iPhone that just got released and I'm not sure how to buy her one without spending most (if not all) of the money I've put aside for Christmas shopping this year. I looked into how much the model she wants costs and the cheapest one I could find was $950. There is no way on earth my wife and me can afford that, we can't even afford the model that costs $450, which to me is an obscene amount of money to pay for a mobile phone to begin with? I would say no and put my foot down but she's been asking for an iPhone for 3 years straight and every single year I always tell her I'll get her one at 16; she's been 16 for almost 2 months now and I know it'll crush her if I turn her down yet again, and locking horns with my daughter really isn't how I'd like to spend Christmas as I know it'll ruin the holiday spirit for our entire family. She also keeps on throwing this argument around that she's the only one out of all her friends with a Samsung and that it's really embarrassing for her. As a parent, that makes me feel greatly conscience-stricken and like I'm not living up to my responsibilities as a father. If I was worth millions I'd offer her the world, but unfortunately we're on a budget we have to stick to and sometimes it can get difficult to get everyone exactly what they want because it's not exactly like I have wads of cash rolling out of my pockets, which is a concept that's difficult for both my daughters to grasp at times, especially during winter break and Christmas.
My wife and me really aren't sure how to handle this so if anyone has any ideas they'd like to pitch it would be greatly appreciated.
Warmest Wishes & Happiest of Holidays to everybody!
-Ken
... She also keeps on throwing this argument around that she's the only one out of all her friends with a Samsung and that it's really embarrassing for her. As a parent, that makes me feel greatly conscience-stricken and like I'm not living up to my responsibilities as a father.
Ken, you are making a mistake feeling that you are not being the best possible parent. I will not take any cheap shots here, only to say that her Samsung argument is simply absurd. The best gift that any parent can give is to instill the values of sharing and sacrifice. Make it clear that her attempts to guilt trip you will not be successful ... time for her to show some maturity.
she can get a part time job and earn the money for it if she really "needs" it.
You haven't failed in regards to providing for your family. But I recommend to have a talk with her so she realized money doesn't fall from a tree. She doesn't seem to know that.
Ken, you are making a mistake feeling that you are not being the best possible parent. I will not take any cheap shots here, only to say that her Samsung argument is simply absurd. The best gift that any parent can give is to instill the values of sharing and sacrifice. Make it clear that her attempts to guilt trip you will not be successful ... time for her to show some maturity.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
she can get a part time job and earn the money for it if she really "needs" it.
You haven't failed in regards to providing for your family. But I recommend to have a talk with her so she realized money doesn't fall from a tree. She doesn't seem to know that.
Except that he’s told her repeatedly that he would get her an iPhone when she was 16. I think that was the mistake. Another lesson is the importance of keeping your word, and not getting her one at this point doesn’t help teach her that.
Of course if the money isn’t there it isn’t and OP may not be able to follow through. But I definitely don’t think it was right to repeatedly promise her an iPhone and then not get her one. FYI - there are monthly payment plans for iPhones.
I guess the lesson here is to not promise gifts you can't afford. You've been promising for three years. Your credibility is going to go way down when she finds out you have lied to her.
Are any of the cell companies offering it as an enticement to sign up?
The previous generation ones should be cheap now that there is a new version out. Try looking into that possibility. At least that is close to what you promised. You can alays claim your promise 3 years ago was for the version out 3 years ago, not the new version in 2017..
I don't think a teenager needs the latest most expensive phone, but then I wouldn't have promised one. I'd rather say no and take the disappointment right when they first ask instead of trying to stall a kid off with an empty promise.
she can get a part time job and earn the money for it if she really "needs" it.
You haven't failed in regards to providing for your family. But I recommend to have a talk with her so she realized money doesn't fall from a tree. She doesn't seem to know that.
You can agree to put up half (or whatever percentage you feel comfortable with) and she can earn the rest. She can also be responsible for paying some of the phone bill each month. She might be going to college soon so budgeting her money and learning how to not keep up with the Jones's are valuable lessons that she will need to learn.
Don''t fall for everyone else has X and it's embarrassing that I don't routine, kids have been using that scenario for years. Does she know that you are on a budget, and while you would like to give her the world, it is impossible right now.
Coming back to add this: I hear about ordering them from overseas and getting ripped off, maybe phone is for a different system or can't be unlocked or some other cell phone techie stuff that makes them unusable. So, I don't recomend that route.
Except that he’s told her repeatedly that he would get her an iPhone when she was 16. I think that was the mistake. Another lesson is the importance of keeping your word, and not getting her one at this point doesn’t help teach her that.
Of course if the money isn’t there it isn’t and OP may not be able to follow through. But I definitely don’t think it was right to repeatedly promise her an iPhone and then not get her one. FYI - there are monthly payment plans for iPhones.
I do agree with you. That was incredibly amiss on my part, but the mindset behind it was that during the course of those 3 years I'd save up and get enough money together to get her the cell phone, but sadly confounding variables I hadn't anticipated got in the way and I had to use up a lot of my savings to take care of the unexpected family situation that occurred.
I'm aware of the monthly payment plans and while I did pitch that as an idea my wife is against the whole pay-by-the-month idea and we argued over it.
I'd like some advice regarding an issue I'm dealing with this year as far as Christmas is concerned.
So my youngest daughter Daniella asked my wife and me for the newest iPhone that just got released and I'm not sure how to buy her one without spending most (if not all) of the money I've put aside for Christmas shopping this year. I looked into how much the model she wants costs and the cheapest one I could find was $950. There is no way on earth my wife and me can afford that, we can't even afford the model that costs $450, which to me is an obscene amount of money to pay for a mobile phone to begin with? I would say no and put my foot down but she's been asking for an iPhone for 3 years straight and every single year I always tell her I'll get her one at 16; she's been 16 for almost 2 months now and I know it'll crush her if I turn her down yet again, and locking horns with my daughter really isn't how I'd like to spend Christmas as I know it'll ruin the holiday spirit for our entire family. She also keeps on throwing this argument around that she's the only one out of all her friends with a Samsung and that it's really embarrassing for her. As a parent, that makes me feel greatly conscience-stricken and like I'm not living up to my responsibilities as a father. If I was worth millions I'd offer her the world, but unfortunately we're on a budget we have to stick to and sometimes it can get difficult to get everyone exactly what they want because it's not exactly like I have wads of cash rolling out of my pockets, which is a concept that's difficult for both my daughters to grasp at times, especially during winter break and Christmas.
My wife and me really aren't sure how to handle this so if anyone has any ideas they'd like to pitch it would be greatly appreciated.
Warmest Wishes & Happiest of Holidays to everybody!
-Ken
Buy an older model IPhone. She’ll probably be thrilled to have that.
I agree with others who are suggesting that she doesn't need that expensive phone, and that you were remiss in promising her one.
Sit her down and share what you've shared here.....if everyone else forgoes their gifts for Christmas, maybe you can afford a used one. If she is willing for everyone else to forego Christmas then you have bigger problems.
Or, make this a teachable moment. I have listed one link, there are several others. The monthly plan might fit in that you could arrange for your daughter to do duties/chores that would cover the monthly fee. This link is for one where you can trade up yearly. It could turn into a good learning experience on how to manage money.
I am old enough to remember that 950.00 used to mean a pretty darn nice used car.
I think people have lost all sense of priorities and values....and that the commercial companies are only to happy to exploit that.
Last edited by JanND; 12-15-2017 at 04:16 PM..
Reason: link added
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