What should my son's girlfriend call me? (relatives, college)
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Agree!! Maybe is some parts of the country that makes sense though.
This. People come from all different types of backgrounds and were raised differently. Maybe 100 years from now all customs will "merge", but for now as long as the it is in a respectable and sincere manner, it really shouldn't matter. IMO, some people are wound up so tight and "stuck in their ways", they refuse to accept anything outside of their tunnel vision.
With the parents of someone I dated at that age, it was always Mr. and Mrs. Last name, until I was told to call them by their first names. I was not instructed to do this by them, but it was appropriate etiquette, save for when they had another title.
Much of it depends upon how close you are to the young lady to have her address you informally, as that is your prerogative as to how you wish her to address you. Generally, first name or Mrs. Last name are the viable options, as it's decidedly less formal and much more close a relationship to have non-family members referring to you as "mom" or any derivative thereof.
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Agree!! Maybe is some parts of the country that makes sense though.
It’s very common in the South. Here in Maryland (which blends traits from the North and the South), Mr. First Name and Miss First Name is the standard from kids to adults. I was raised elsewhere when kids called adults Mr. and Mrs. Last Name, but I’ve gotten so used to Mr. First Name that the other way sounds strange to me.
Personally, I wouldn’t go with Mom and Dad just yet. I would reserve that for if they get engaged. Until then, I would go with whatever you expect any other young adult to call you.
Many years ago, when I married my wife, her family (especially her mom) wanted me to call them mom and dad. I refused, I only had one mom and dad, my real ones. It caused some hard feelings for a while, but I never stopped calling them by their first names.
(Not only that, but I wasn't all the crazy about them anyway)
I hear all of you... I was raised in EU, came here when I was very young... Can't help it that I have this background. Her calling me by my first name would seem odd, to be honest. She is very respectful and nice. This is not a power trip for me, I feel very close to her, and that is great. Mom sounds a lot better than first name or Mrs Last Name, because that's how I feel toward her, but I can't really suggest that, because she has her own Mom, and the kids are just dating, not married. Maybe Mrs. R is the best option for now... Until more time goes by...
I wouldn't suggest mom. She has one and you're not her mom. I've been married for over 20 years and NEVER called my in law mom or dad. They're not my mom or dad. I have my own parents.
My best friend in high school called my mom by her first name. Still does when he sees her. What do your son's friends call you? Don't be surprised if she calls you by your first name. It's not like she's a child. She's an adult. How old does someone have to be before they're allowed to address you by your first name?
Perhaps, it is related to how old you are (what generation). I remember our last neighborhood reunion, given by my siblings and me, on our late parents farm. I was in my middle 50s, and thus clearly an adult, and knew those neighbors my entire life. Did I call them Joyce, Clara and Mary like my parents used to call them? Heck, no. I called them Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Jones and Mrs. Johnson. And, that is what they wanted to be called There were perhaps 25 neighbors there and every single one, who were the older generation, were called Mr. Last Name or Mrs. Last Name. Now, the neighbors that were our same generation, perhaps we went to HS with them or played with then as children, were called by their first name.
I wonder, too, if some of the parents who want to be called by their last name by their children's friends are older. I have a friend who was my same age and had all of her children when she was quite young (18 to 20). He children were dating and even getting married when my children were a baby and a preschooler. What she wanted her children's BFs and GFs to call her when she was 36 to 38 (her first name) may have been different if she was in her late 50s or 60s at the time. Or maybe not.
Growing up, we called all of our neighbors by their first names. One was in the military so he was used to respect and being obeyed. He left that rigidness at the armory. Another one was a teacher. She probably hear Miss Holmes more than she cared to!
Even my neighbors now, none of us call each other by surname. We ALL use our first names. I have neighbors 20+ years older than me and still call them by their first name.
Sure, but being a one time neighbor is different from being a child's partner. Even knowing people their entire life is different from being a child's partner. There are going to be different dynamics in every relationship.
The OP claims to like the girlfriend. Early dating is pretty much interviewing the person and possibly their family to determine if one wants this to be a longer-term affair. It could be very off putting for a girlfriend or boyfriend to be told to call the person by their last night after initial introduction. It's not like the OP can really ask the gf if it bothers her because the last name requirement would have already placed them on more formal grounds where being a certain type of polite is more important than being honest.
Of course, I could be wrong and it doesn't bother the gf at all but it seems like an unnecessary and outdated request for the OP to make. It could be better to just let the gf choose and if she chooses last name, then correct her when you feel comfortable.
"Meeting the parents" is different in different families. This make me think of my nephew who brought every woman that he dated more than one time "home to meet the family". I bet that he introduced 30 women to me from the time that he was 16 until he married at age 32. I bet he introduced his parents to 100 plus women. Now my adult children did not bring home their casual dates. Unless, it was a friendly coincidence, we only met the few people who seriously "made the cut" as a potential life partner or had already proposed/been proposed to. But our adult children lived out of state/out of the country so it was a major project to go home to "meet the parents."
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