Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm 20 and the youngest of four. I still live at home because I'm in school, and it's the most financially feasible option. Once I graduate and start my career, I'll be looking towards moving out. However, all my siblings are over 25 and they still live at home. My youngest sister is 27, my brother is 28, and my oldest sister is 33. They're not in school. I'm the only person in my immediate family that has gone to college. My youngest sister and my brother both work and have their own vehicles, but they still live at home. My oldest sister doesn't work and she doesn't have a car, and she still lives at home.
I would just like to get an outside opinion on this. Do you guys think it's weird to still live at home at those ages? Why or why not?
Living at home is not at all a problem- my brother does, but I don't. We both have full time jobs, graduated college and in fact, his career is stellar compared to mine! And he pays for the mortgage. I give my parents money each month b/c social security ain't gonna do anyone jack s*** if they want a half-way decent quality of life. So to each his own on what he feels comfortable as a living arrangement.
What bothers me with your situation if the lack of ambition, education, etc., on the part of your siblings. But you can only improve yourself (as you are now) and get out when it's time. As for them, use them as lessons on what not to do. I'm just concerned you'll end up being responsible for your siblings at some point when they have no money left and your parents are unable to provide for them.
He doesn't have to live at home. He's 20. It's his parents house and if they are okay with it, it's not his concern.
He's 20 and in school. Makes sense for him to live at home. For ALL 3 of his older sibs, as old as 33 to still live there is not normal. If any 1 of them lived there, I wouldn't think it was a problem. All of them still living there with no plans to change anything is not normal.
When I was 18 I joined the Army. Anything was better than living at home. These adult children still living at home, I don’t understand. I wanted my freedom. I guess it reflects on the parents. (The enablers)
I don't think they are disabled. I just think they're too comfortable living at home, and don't want to leave. With my youngest sister, she does go over her fiance's house, so they can take care of their baby. He still lives at home as well. His mother doesn't drive, and she's dependent on him to do a lot of things. I believe that could be his reason for still living at home, but I'm not sure.
I think Zentropa's point was that the bolded isn't normal. Most kids want to get out on their own, can't WAIT to get out on their own, in fact. But if they only have HS degrees, or not even that, then they don't have much in the way of job skills. If you're in a higher-rent area, it could be that they wouldn't be able to earn enough money to pay rent and utilities somewhere, even for a studio.
This leads one to suspect that something was not well with the family, as the kids were growing up. There was some kind of dysfunctional parenting.
If the parents are OK with it all and if the children HELP I see no problem.
I couldn't wait to get out of my parent's house and got married from that house, no apt living on my own. Dad was alcoholic so not a happy life with dad.
A friend lived with her parents well into college and after and worked and saved a lot of money and when she got married had about $200K saved to buy their first marriage home.
My niece is about 46, never married, in and out of her parents' house and when my sister got really bad with MS moved back in to help with her mothers' care, My sister died and my niece still lives with her dad. I guess it works, they 3000 miles from me so I don't see/hear anything. Who knows if she'll ever marry...she works a couple jobs and has a partnership in a gym.
I don't think the OP's family is the norm today, but it is awfully hard to establish a career these days and pay rent. Rent in some places is very expensive. So even though 4 adult kids living in the family home is not the norm, it isn't totally weird in these times.
OP can't control his oldest sister. She is the one who has to decide how she wants to live. The introverted son is hampered by his lack of social skills and outlets, I think. The youngest sister would have done better to have waited to have a kid, but this also is common now.
To the OP: yeah it is better to find a way to live your life away from the family home. After college, you can find a good enough job to support yourself, if you've chosen a good field to study.You don't have to stay in the same city either. You can move away; plenty of young people move away from their home cities. At least you won't have to worry about who is taking care of mom!
I think you should follow your own path, choosing the life you want for yourself, and then pursuing it. Your siblings have to choose their own paths as well.
Well you have what is called "some disfunction" in the family. I am sure mom is not saying nothing , as she still lives by the "family honor" and "blood thicker than water" code. This old code dictates that the daughters leave only when married. The sons go off to college , and are supposed to be a man, and walk on his own 2 feet.
Now it gets complicated, because the man sometimes thinks he should be doing things like the daughters, but in actuality, he needs to be the complete opposite. The oldest probably has high standards, and just boxed herself in this corner, feeling like some sort of leader of the rest of you guys. She should be embarrassed still "milking off of moms nipple".
The youngest daughter and the father of the baby need to form a family officially, and take the plunge being independent. What is stopping them? they should be raising their own kid 100 %!
As for the older brother, he really needs to be out there trying to make a name for himself, and find that someone he can share his life with. Besides the younger sister, I guess the other 2 are so comfortable living at home, that they do not need intimacy of the sexual kind? I guess these grown adults have to still follow house rules like a bunch of babies?
As for yourself, dont fall for this trap. Do not rely on Mom and her stability, but do things on your own. This is the way it should be. You need to live the struggle to understand life. Life is more rewarding than the comfort of a baby's crib, which is Moms home. That excuse of saving up is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. "I am saving for the future, but I still will buy a new car anyway", is the usual song.
I don't really have an issue with adult children living at home, but I do have an issue with adult children who live at home, mooch and don't contribute to household expenses. Your sister not having a job at 33 is ridiculous, especially if she isn't sick or disabled.
Why do you care? Is this impacting you in some way?
My 3 adult kids still live at home (19-23). They've all worked since they were 14 and go to school. They also pay all of their own expenses (car, insurance, phones) and contribute to household expenses. We have a cleaning chart and everybody does their share. I admit to doing most of the cooking, but I love to cook. They do clean up after me in the kitchen. We take turns doing laundry, etc. This is a total win-win for us.
My expenses are lowered, we are all able to save money (they have very healthy savings and investment accounts) and we genuinely get along and like each other. Girls are not allowed to sleep over. They do have girlfriends, but I don't know anything about their love life. Thank goodness. They have their own lives.
Overall, I'd say we've shifted into adult relationships and I like it. Despite my kids living with me, they seem to be far more independent than some of my friends' kids. They are definitely more financially savvy.
Your situation, with a teenager and two adult children living at home, having jobs, going to school, saving money, and being "adults" is completely different from the OPs situation. His siblings are in their late 20s/early 30s.
Frankly, I bet that the OP is worried that he may be called in to help support his siblings at a later date, such as his 33 sister who does not have a job, and appears to have no interest in ever having a job.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
