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I recently inherited a collection of polished stones from my grandfather who died decades ago. No one in the family was interested in taking them, and because I have a business selling crafts I make, I wanted them. It didn't seem right to me to just take all these rocks and sell them, despite the fact that my family had the option of taking some and passed. So what I did was make necklaces, Christmas ornaments and sun catchers out of the best of the lot. I then sent out one of each to all my sisters, cousins and their children with a note containing a little story about where the trinket came from and the family connection. There were 13 packages in all.
I am Facebook friends with every single person who got a package, and all of us post several times a week. So first let me say, it is not difficult for any of these people to get in touch with me. But here's the response I got:
1 person sent me a written thank you card
2 people sent me e-mails the day they received the package
3 people posted a thank you on my Facebook page within a few days of getting the package
That leaves 7 people who have received the package (it's been more than 2 weeks now), who post on Facebook all the time, who have not said a solitary thing about receiving the gift, much less a thank you for receiving it.
I don't think I'm so much hurt or angry at not receiving an acknowledgment as I am dumfounded. I just can't fathom receiving something and not even so much as putting a note on Facebook saying thanks. Heck, even if I hated it, I would lie and say thank you under the rule, "It was the thought that counts."
What do you think about this? Am I missing something? I won't say it's a generational thing because two of the people who didn't say thank you at all are my sisters who are both in their 60's.
I understand your story exactly, some times I wonder too,, why people are like that. For me it is not a big deal to say thank you even I don't like what I got
People just aren't appreciative, not like when I was a kid, or even myself now in my 60s...I adore when someone does something nice, especially personalized
I get the same response at times to my often well thought out gifts.... After much effort, and often expense...going without to do for them....it is disappointing. it truly hurts my feelings, but worse, I am starting to resent it. Personally, I have reined myself back a lot over the last few years.
I think it was an awesome thing to do with your Grandfather's stones....I hope that you made one for yourself too
A lot of my family and business contacts are like that. My sister (to go a step further) would probably critique the artistry in her email to me that she in symbolic "correctness" would send. It took a long time to get it through my thick head that nothing I sent her would ever be right. I finally got it and I never send her anything now as it would be unappreciated and re-gifted, donated or just tossed. FWIW I understand.
I'm sorry that you spent so much time and effort to add value to your grandfather's polished stones and have the response be underwhelming. Being an old rockhound from way back I'd have been thrilled.
I also think when someone goes to the effort that you did, a phone call would be nice. The hand written note was classy, I guess a personal email is OK, sorry I am not a fan of FB.
Say thank you and make a little effort in saying thank you.
In addition to your time and effort, I imagined it cost you money to ship them.
People just aren't appreciative, not like when I was a kid, or even myself now....I get the same response at times. After much effort, and often expense...going without to do for them....it is disappointing. Personally, I have reined myself back a lot over the last few years.
I think it was an awesome thing to do with your Grandfather's stones....I hope that you made one for yourself too
I like what you said in fact that is true! those human qualities are fading away I think. When I was small I remember my mother make beautiful cards with beautiful phrases with admiring what she got and post it. Those are really heart touching. But now everything become whatsapp or viber or pings
I recently inherited a collection of polished stones from my grandfather who died decades ago. No one in the family was interested in taking them, and because I have a business selling crafts I make, I wanted them. It didn't seem right to me to just take all these rocks and sell them, despite the fact that my family had the option of taking some and passed.
A thank you note is always appropriate. I send a hand-written one, even if the gift is donated or trashed.
However, in your case, I could see why you did not receive many!
The family did NOT want the polished stones, for whatever reason. And then there you went, sending them the darn stones that they passed on.
And to boot, you made them into trinkets that they do not want.
Maybe they are thinking it is better to say nothing at all, then to remind you they did not even want the stones in the first place.
I have to say, I don't regret sending them out even though it cost me time and money. I will be making similar jewelry and crafts out of the rest of them that I will sell, and by sharing them with everyone in the family first, I never have to worry that people will think I'm a jerk for profiting from Grandpa's rock collection.
One of the people who showed the most appreciation was the cousin who gave me the rocks in the first place. So getting that acknowledgment from her mattered most.
As for the rest, like JanND said, I'm going to be reluctant to send gifts in the future. I had done that with birthday cards for years, sending them out to my sisters and never ever ever getting one back. I kept telling myself I was going to keep being the bigger person, but after so many years, I stopped. I now only send a birthday card to the sister who does reciprocate.
However, in your case, I could see why you did not receive many!
The family did NOT want the polished stones, for whatever reason. And then there you went, sending them the darn stones that they passed on.
And to boot, you made them into trinkets that they do not want.
Maybe they are thinking it is better to say nothing at all, then to remind you they did not want the stones at all in the first place.
That is definitely one of the things that goes through a person's mind when they don't get a thank you. Although, I am pretty sure that if the collection was a bunch of necklaces made out of the stones, my sisters would have taken them. I think it was more that no one besides me knew what to do with them, as I'm the only jewelry maker in the family.
But like I said, when you don't get a thank you, it leaves the person wondering if they've done something wrong.
For the people who received necklaces, I'd sent them on the pre-printed jewelry cards I use for my business. They have my business name on them, and I wonder if they thought I was shamelessly plugging my business. I wasn't. It was just that that's the only packaging I have. I'd already spent the money on the findings and the shipping, I wasn't going to go buy blank cards to mount the necklaces on, and I didn't want to just throw the loose necklace in an envelope. Again, when you don't get any acknowledgment at all, you start wondering all kinds of things.
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