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He may have forgot who told him so he just said one of his sons. I wouldn't put too much into this. Has he ever introduced you as his son?
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldenlove
Wow. That's just mean. I hope you feel better after saying something so cruel.
I don't see it as mean at all. The OP specifically asked if we thought that his step-father actually sees him as one of his sons. The fact that he mentioned "his son" on a phone call is a good indication, but it's not conclusive. It may have simply been easier to tell whoever he was calling about his "son" instead of his "step-son," or he simply might not have wanted to get into an explanation about it all. (And by the way, none of what I've just said should imply that the OP's step-father isn't a wonderful man.)
I do wonder how the OP's step-father introduces him to others. But even that wouldn't tell the full story. He may very well think of the OP as his own son, but he might fear that the OP would feel awkward if he were to be introduced as such, instead of by the technically correct term "step-son." I just don't know.
OP, it sounds like your step-father is a fine man and he loves you very much. Enjoy your relationship with him, regardless of how the two of you choose to label each other.
The last time I visited my stepfather I was with his biological son at a senior living apartment. As we walked out, a staff member he knew well approached us. My stepfather introduced my stepbrother with a smile as his son. After a long awkward pause, the man looked at me with some confusion. I shook his hand and introduced myself using my own last name and said I’m the other one. That was the last time I saw or spoke with that a##hole, he died two years later.
You are correct - he was an ##hole. So sorry.
As to the OP - I had an absentee father and an aloof step-father. Further up the line, my maternal grandfather was a super jerk (he used to beat my grandmother, who divorced his lousy self before I was born). Good riddance. She then married my step-grandfather, again, before I was even born. The greatest man that ever lived. He was my father figure - and a more wonderful one never lived. Take the best one out of life you can find - and be grateful you have them.
On a lighter note, it is this grandfather that I am related to Edgar Allen Poe (yeah, through marriage only) He told me that EAP was actually a West Point cadet, but got thrown out because of a parade that they were SUPPOSED to show up in white gloves & white shoes. My first thought was that he didn't show up in the required white shoes & gloves - but he DID- unfortunately, that was all he was wearing. Just when you thought EAP could not be any cooler.
I have brought up a son from age 6 to 25 and a daughter from age 12 -> so I know that he means it. Of course there are other step dads who perhaps do not, but to some people like myself, it is not a big deal to bring up someone elses kids. I can also understand men who want to father their own kids and see these as different from step-kids.
Personally, I dont want to father kids of my own since I have eczema and asthma and being bullied at school I do not want to pass on this to my own fathered children.
For my daughter, I did ask her (via my wife) if it was OK to call her my daughter. The OP's father might feel awkward asking for permission like I did, and if things have gone well, the son/daughter probably feels OK about it.
I think many men cannot handle screaming babies and I can quite understand why some run off into the distance when faced with the reality of what they have done. I do not agree with that of course, but I understand it. I just happen to have made other life choices.
I think it is important for the OP to not look for rejection opportunities and just see it as a natural thing as your step-dad has done. As others have said, I think it is good that there are people out there who dont see any difference in my-blood/not-my-blood children. From my perspective after kids become adult, there is very little more that can be done by step fathers, the kids are already adults and you either get on with them or you dont. The bringing-up part of step dad stuff has been done, so now you probably relate to them as adult children, friends, best friends, aquaintances, or if you dont get on - never talk to them again.
By the way, I did not see in the posts I read on this thread, what the OP calls him. Do you call him 'dad' or 'pete' or 'hey you' ? :-)
I'm 28 and my "father" abandoned my mother while she was pregnant. I saw him only once in my life from afar.
Once I went to university, my mother started a relationship. I was 19 at the time and my stepfather has two sons of his own (they're 40 and 36). We have always got along very well. Because I was already an adult at the time, he never tried to be my father so to speak even though we do a lot of activities that might be considered "father-son activities".
He loves football and everytime he goes he also invites me to go alongside his sons. He has also given me some great advice regarding my career and I've discussed a few personal problems with him while keeping them from my mother.
Above everything, he's very respectful and gentle towards my mother and that's all that I care about (raising me on her own was not a walk in the park).
Well, long story short, the other day I overheard him speaking on the phone about something that was in the news. I was the one who had shared it with him and while talking about it he said "oh yes, I know, one of my sons told me."
I was suddenly surprised when I realised he had just mentioned me. Having never had a father while growing up, it's very weird that he might somewhat see me as one of his kids, albeit a borrowed one. Do you think he means it?
I was going to say, in effect, ask him, not us - then I see the OP never bothered to return, anyway.
I was suddenly surprised when I realised he had just mentioned me. Having never had a father while growing up, it's very weird that he might somewhat see me as one of his kids, albeit a borrowed one. Do you think he means it?
Do you think he doesn't?
Just because you're over 21 doesn't mean he can't love you like a son. Get him a Father's Day card next June.
I'm 28 and my "father" abandoned my mother while she was pregnant. I saw him only once in my life from afar.
Once I went to university, my mother started a relationship. I was 19 at the time and my stepfather has two sons of his own (they're 40 and 36). We have always got along very well. Because I was already an adult at the time, he never tried to be my father so to speak even though we do a lot of activities that might be considered "father-son activities".
He loves football and everytime he goes he also invites me to go alongside his sons. He has also given me some great advice regarding my career and I've discussed a few personal problems with him while keeping them from my mother.
Above everything, he's very respectful and gentle towards my mother and that's all that I care about (raising me on her own was not a walk in the park).
Well, long story short, the other day I overheard him speaking on the phone about something that was in the news. I was the one who had shared it with him and while talking about it he said "oh yes, I know, one of my sons told me."
I was suddenly surprised when I realised he had just mentioned me. Having never had a father while growing up, it's very weird that he might somewhat see me as one of his kids, albeit a borrowed one. Do you think he means it?
I refer to my children's spouses as my kids. To me they are my kids and I love them to pieces as if they were my own.
So it sounds like your stepfather loves you like you were one of his own. Treasure it.
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