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Hello everyone! I'm gonna apologize ahead of time for this post, since it turned out to be longer than I thought and a bit incoherent. I tried to explain my line of thinking the best I could as to why I want to move away, although it turned out to be more of a soapbox than I anticipated, since this is a fairly emotional choice for me. If you want to get to the actual question, feel free to skip to the bottom.
So right now I'm about to turn 28, and after spending all of my partying years in the middle of a cornfield in a town where I hate everyone in a part of the state where I have to go out of my way in order to socialize, I've come to one conclusion: I'm bored.
To explain further, when I graduated high school I moved back in with my mom in a country town in southern Illinois. At the time, we had money and we were having fun. Going to the state fair, Six Flags all the time, the zoo, concerts, etc. Before this, when I would come visit during the summer I would always hang out with my "friend" and my sister. So needless to say, I thought that with me having this much fun this would be a good place to live and the fun would last. Then I found out about how much money it requires to do things, and how when that money runs out there really isn't anything to do here. I'm not from this area, and in small country towns they tend to ostracize you if you're not from the area, so I didn't have any bonfires to go to, any country parties, etc.
Tried to go to college to see if that would open up some socializing avenues for me, and that's when it hit me really hard how rude the people here can be. Mind you, they weren't all like this, but compared to NC (where I went to high school) if you tried to just randomly talk to someone they would give you a "Why are you talking to me?" look. The ones that I actually did make some sort of friendship with lived too far away from my town, so hanging out wasn't likely.
The only people that I do really hang out with are my old coworkers (I see them one a week for DnD) and my sister and her husband, including all of her husbands friends/family. Things were fine for a while like this, until I realized something a few months ago. Because of my main source of socializing is being with my family, I feel like I never really got the chance to grow up. I still feel like the baby of the group since I'm the youngest. I can never truly speak my mind, because if I do I get shut down quickly. The house I'm living in now used to be my moms that I took over, but even now I don't consider it my house. I feel like a rely on them too much and I use them as a crutch. My mom also lives in the same town as me, and while we are close, again I feel like being around too much is keeping me from truly growing.
Adding this feeling with my boredom, I came to the conclusion that maybe staying here wouldn't be healthy for me. I truly wouldn't be able to change myself the way I want while I'm here.
So with my long-winded life story out of the way, what I'm curious about is how exactly does one move away? I don't really have any skills, so finding a job won't be easy (another reason why I want to move is because of the job economy here), and really I'm just scared. What if it doesn't work out? What if I don't actually change and keep with the anti-social lifestyle that I currently have? How would I break it to my family that moving is the best option for me?
For those that have moved away, what did you do to make it easier? How were you able to find a job and sustain yourself after the move? Is moving away from an overprotective and sometimes overbearing family something you regret?
You went to college, but you don't have any skills?
If you aren't able to work and support yourself, you won't be able to move. So you would need to start a job search in a relevant field, and hopefully you can look in a low cost-of-living area.
Start with volunteer experience. There's always places that will accept free help. Limit yourself to 1-2 days a week as you can spend the rest of the time socializing, looking for an actual job that pays, and/or studying. There are so many jobs out there none of us has any idea all the possibilities. Good luck.
The house I'm living in now used to be my moms that I took over, but even now I don't consider it my house.
Do you own the house? Or are you in any sort of rental contract?
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For those that have moved away, what did you do to make it easier? How were you able to find a job and sustain yourself after the move? Is moving away from an overprotective and sometimes overbearing family something you regret?
Two ways to do it, and I've done both. Save up some money, and then move somewhere and look for work. Or, find a job and then move to the job. You'll still need travel money and one month's rent & security deposit, so any way you look at it, you have to stay and save up some money in order to move. If you're unskilled, then chances are where you are hired will probably need you asap. I feel like more professional occupations will allow 4 or so weeks to give notice and move, etc., but unskilled workers can be found anywhere, so you have to make yourself attractive to them by being able to start asap. So, be ready to go.
You will probably have to travel for at least an interview, so you'll need a little money for that. When you've had the interview and, presumably, offered work, accept it and start looking for a place asap. It probably won't be pretty on the salary you might be getting, but you don't need much - a studio is fine, a place to keep warm and dry, and you can upgrade after your rental term is done. Then, when you've got your place, go back home, pack your stuff, come back and start living independently.
I never regretted moving. I do sometimes miss being closer to my family, especially around the holidays, but that's mostly because I didn't wind up having a big family of my own, and my husband also has no family around here. You will probably find someone wherever you move to and you and (he?she?) will make your own roots.
Just a thought, too - maybe try and find work with a national company so that if you ultimately don't like where you first go, the opportunity for a transfer is available to you. You're not tied down at the moment. Explore!
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What if it doesn't work out? What if I don't actually change and keep with the anti-social lifestyle that I currently have?
If worst comes to worst, you can always move back to your hometown. You're not doing anything that you can't undo. And yes, you may continue to be anti-social. But, I think if you were in a larger city with more options for structured activities, that will probably give you some options that are more appealing to you than what's currently available.
1.) Decide where you want to move - this could be multiples places. Keep your options open.
2.) Calculate approximately how much it would cost for you to move to these places. Do you have those funds available?
If yes, move on to #3.
If no, start saving money for the move.
3.) Research jobs that you can do and cost of living and living options available to you. Maybe you can rent an apartment by
yourself, maybe you'll need a roommate situation, and maybe you'll need to rent a room in someone's home to keep costs low.
4.) Start applying for jobs that you can do and that give you a sufficient income not only to live but to also socialize. It costs
money to be social especially when you're in your late 20s.
If the jobs you can do don't provide a sufficient income, then find opportunities where you are to build some skills to get better paying
jobs.
OP, you need some marketable skills, and a good place to acquire those skills is at a community college. I know you said you tried college before, but apparently you didn't get any marketable skills during your time there. You don't need a degree necessarily, just some training to get yourself a decent job.
I don't know where you are in southern IL, but a quick Google search of community colleges in southern IL shows there are community colleges all over the place in that area.
Look at the website for the community college nearest you. Check out their list of degree and certificate programs to see what interests you. The offerings are many and varied: accounting, nursing or other health care programs, welding or other trades, truck driving, business management, paralegal, pharmacy technician ... it goes on and on.
Once you get yourself a set of skills you can offer to an employer, you can look around for places you'd want to live and apply for jobs there.
You can do this. It just takes some planning and effort.
Last edited by WellShoneMoon; 11-11-2019 at 09:08 AM..
Do you have friends or relatives in any town to which you'd like to move?
Can you turn up any friends of friends? Ask everyone you know; having some connection in a new place can make a move much easier.
They may be able to make suggestions on good places to live, work, or shop. If they're good friends, they may let you sleep on their couch while you job hunt. It takes a while to meet people in a new place, and having some connection will make you feel less stranded.
Look for clubs to join so you can meet people with similar interests. Some places even have "newcomers clubs" for people who have just moved there.
For example, we decided to moved to an area new to us. The sister of a friend was also moving near there; we had dinner together before we moved, then became good friends after the move. Another friend knew someone with a vacation home there that we were able to rent for a month until we found a long term rental. When our "landlords" came for vacation, we wound up becoming friends with them, too.
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