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Sarcastic comments like the one the OP mentioned used to be made all the time by people. It was done in more of a joking way and never intended to be harmful. One side of our family referred to me and my siblings as 'the little sh---" when we were growing up. We considered it a term of endearment and still refer to ourselves as such. We weren't bad kids, but we were very active and had a lot of creative ideas.
People used to say 'I'm going to kill you.' That was just a way of acknowledging that someone had basically done something or outed you for something that was embarrassing. There was no threat of attempted murder.
Yes, when I really got under their skin, but my parents never really hurt me so they were more empty threats. I agree though, it's a horrible thing to say to a child.
This reminds me of a time when my daughter had done something unapproved and I was pretty upset. We were in her room and I was giving her a talk and when I actually "heard" the words coming out of my mouth I stopped in mid-sentence and said, "Wait a minute. That's not what I want to say. Those are words your grandma said to me."
It was a shocking moment of revelation about how programmed we can be by what we experience. I learned something that day. We don't have to act out "damage" and we don't have to repeat the mistakes. If we're not careful we can do it almost automatically.
I'd never really paid attention before to how much I could be just like what I didn't like!
Just out of curiosity, have your parents at any point in your life said to you?
"I brought you into this world & I can take you out."
I know it's a common statement for some reason, but I think it's a horrible, unnecessary thing to say. I strongly believe NO parent should say it under any circumstances, but I'm sure parents do say it. My SO thinks that more parents that not say that. I don't think so personally.
I'll start. My parents never, ever said that to me. My SO's (toxic) father said it to him all the time so as to hold power over him & put fear in his mind...NOT because my SO was a bad kid/teen.
No, my parents never said that, and I would never say it to my child.
Some years ago, the teenaged daughter of a friend ran away. She was easily located--she'd gone to her aunt's house. But when I asked my friend what had happened, she said they were arguing, and she'd said to her daughter, "I wish you were dead." Then she said, "You know how your mother always said that to you? Well, I said it to her, and she ran out the door."
I said, "WHAAAAAT? My mother NEVER said that to me. You're shocked because your daughter ran away?"
Who the hell says something like that to their kid???
OMG, no, thank goodness! I can’t fathom how you would feel hearing that.
My mom told me her mother said to her kids that she never wanted them. That’s terrible too. My mom remembered that to her dying day. To her credit she was a great mom and grandma despite a cruel mother.
Words can’t be unheard.
I wonder if they can be heard in the womb. My mother was pregnant at 40 with my youngest brother, her seventh. We found out one night at the dinner table when she was upset about something and screamed, "I'm pregnant again, and I don't want another baby!!!!"
It was a rough time. My father was an only child and his widowed mother had arthritis and could no longer live alone, and she was moving in, but she hated my mother. During the pregnancy, one of my sisters was hit by a car and spent a month in the hospital. My mother was miserable.
My brother is 50 now, and he has been unhappy his entire life. I believe he knew from the womb that my mother didn't want him. Ironically, he now lives with her because he has a damaged spine and cannot work because he can't sit or stand for more than an hour at a time. He cooks for her and does her laundry.
Just out of curiosity, have your parents at any point in your life said to you?
"I brought you into this world & I can take you out."
I know it's a common statement for some reason, but I think it's a horrible, unnecessary thing to say. I strongly believe NO parent should say it under any circumstances, but I'm sure parents do say it. My SO thinks that more parents that not say that. I don't think so personally.
I'll start. My parents never, ever said that to me. My SO's (toxic) father said it to him all the time so as to hold power over him & put fear in his mind...NOT because my SO was a bad kid/teen.
I had a friend whose husband would tell the kids “ I made you, and I can make another one who looks JUST LIKE YOU”
And the kids would laugh. It was always said as a joke. He was a really good dad.
Mine said that, and I used to think, "I already have something to cry about or I wouldn't be crying."
Still don't get the rationale behind spanking a kid because they are crying.
A friend had twins. One was happy all the time, and when he cried he was crying for a reason. The other one was a drama queen, who cried if the sky wasn’t the right shade of blue for her. Sheer hysterics. She’s always been that way. At about 2 1/2 or three when children start to really understand things, is when the parents resorted to if you don’t stop it, we’ll give you something to cry about.
Which in their case was time out, although I don’t think we called them that then. She had to sit still in a chair for a couple of minutes. And it helped, because they gave her a warning (set the boundary) then they followed through with a “punishment“.
That punishment of sitting in a chair for a couple of minutes actually helped her learn to manage her feelings and I think by about 3 1/2 she had stopped the hysterical crying for no reason.
It started as a joke. I first heard Bill Cosby say it in a stand-up routine in the early 80s.
I don't believe parents who do say it actually mean they are going to KILL their children when they say it, any more than someone would truly wait "until the cows come home" to do something.
My old man told me that *long* before then. I survived. In some cases, legal post-natal abortion up to the age of 18 might not be such a bad idea...
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Solly says — Be nice!
