Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've got 2 MILs (husband's parents divorced early and remarried, mom raised him til 8, stepmom after that)... one of them is welcome anytime, the other could stay in a hotel if she wants to visit, and I will not be accompanying my dh and kids to any get togethers with her. Of course, this hasn't been a problem as she won't visit - then she couldn't keep claiming to anyone who'll listen how I've been keeping her son and grandkids away from her (victim mentality).
It's not really a problem with your MIL. Your problem is with your husband. You two need to work this out. I agree with the poster that suggested you find her a nice local B&B.
I have put so much thought into this. I have come to the conclusion that I will let my husband handle it. Depending on his actions will depend on my reaction. I spoke with him last night and told him that I am no longer going to be the person coming out smelling like crap while he sits back smelling like roses. Therefore, I don't know if they will be staying with us or not. I told him that if they come and stay and things are fine, then I will be happy. However if they come and things are bad, I am no longer going to keep my mouth shut when she slams me. If they don't like it, then tuff sh*t. It is the home that my husband and I built together and I am not going to let anyone come between that and the respect that I deserve. I have written her an email so that I can get all of my feelings out on the table in hopes that we can reconcile before their visit. I was very polite and straight to the point. I also asked if she would be willing to go to counseling with me as soon as we move back to California....we'll see what happens.
I do get along with his father, as long as his wife doesn't cry to him about some horrible thing I supposedly said. As soon as he and I get to the father and daughter stage, she swoops in and ruins it. So, I have kept my distance with him as well and have treated him pleasantly as he does with me. I keep getting my heart broken by them both. But I guess it’s easier to deal with his father because even after we have been in our spats, he has told me that he loves his wife and does not want to see her upset, but he still loves me and nothing will change that. This helps me immensely.
She sounds like a very jealous and petty person. Not only of your relationship with her son but of you trying to form a relationship with your FIL. How sad.
I do wish you luck in this. My heart goes out to you because I know how you feel being caught in between. Just remember, you are a valuable human being, you have a right to be treated with respect.
I had a similar situation last year when my MIL came to visit. She has been a total ice queen since DH and I got married, and MIL and I have no relationship whatsoever.
So she wanted to visit us (only the second time she's come to visit us in 8 years). DH wanted her to stay with us; I wanted her to stay in a hotel. DH got his way. I was totally dreading it, but it was ok. She was on her best behavior. It was for 5 days. I would have preferred her to stay at a hotel, but in this case, since we did have the extra room, there wasn't any getting around it.
SPRINGHILLER, has your husband always been the type that "leaves all the decision up to you" when it comes to dealing with his OWN parents? What kind of person is he?
Jennaflorrie--oh yes, I've seen it. That movie plus Everybody loves Raymond is my situation times 10. But I do have to say, I don't think my MIL has tried to kill me. Then again, I could be wrong. LOL.
SMS0511--usually my husband tells me that that is his mother and that she is who she is and there is nothing that can be done to change that. Therefore, I have always been on my own with her. But a few years ago, he stood by my side against her and I finally felt, "yes, finally!!!" That has been going on ever since until her mention of a visit. Now it's back to the same ole' crap. He is usually a very confrontational person when it comes to anyone else. But when it comes to his Mom...oh man, he turns into a woos and crawls under a rock to hide.
I have put so much thought into this. I have come to the conclusion that I will let my husband handle it. Depending on his actions will depend on my reaction. I spoke with him last night and told him that I am no longer going to be the person coming out smelling like crap while he sits back smelling like roses. Therefore, I don't know if they will be staying with us or not. I told him that if they come and stay and things are fine, then I will be happy. However if they come and things are bad, I am no longer going to keep my mouth shut when she slams me. If they don't like it, then tuff sh*t. It is the home that my husband and I built together and I am not going to let anyone come between that and the respect that I deserve. I have written her an email so that I can get all of my feelings out on the table in hopes that we can reconcile before their visit. I was very polite and straight to the point. I also asked if she would be willing to go to counseling with me as soon as we move back to California....we'll see what happens.
I do get along with his father, as long as his wife doesn't cry to him about some horrible thing I supposedly said. As soon as he and I get to the father and daughter stage, she swoops in and ruins it. So, I have kept my distance with him as well and have treated him pleasantly as he does with me. I keep getting my heart broken by them both. But I guess it’s easier to deal with his father because even after we have been in our spats, he has told me that he loves his wife and does not want to see her upset, but he still loves me and nothing will change that. This helps me immensely.
Good luck and let us know how it goes. I lost my mom when I was 29 and it sucks having a shotty mIL! or any cruddy inlaws! My MIL this time around is ok but we had it out one day because we moved out of state and had the nerve to tell me she was too busy to see her grandkids! NICE! I told her she was a selfish biotch and to grow up! LOL>>>>>had to be said..I did not want to talk to her for months--finally She eventually came around and we are civil now. Why are MIL like this with DIL??s
I always got along with a father inlaw!! jealousy issues I think!! You are right. Why should you get the crappy end of the stick!!
Your husband needs to stickup for you!! YOu and HE are a TEAM!!! Just remember that!!!!!!!
You're probably in for 7 days of hell.
I would have told her myself to go to a hotel. If she comes to stay at your house, DON'T allow her to badmouth you, in your own home.
You will be on your own - your husband will probably stand by silently.
She is only wanting to stay at your house so she can disrespect you in front of your husband --- you realize that, I hope.
My husbands mother and father want to visit us in Williamsburg from California. His mother and I have had major problems in the past which have never been resolved and I do not feel comfortable having her stay in my house. I think it would be best to have them stay in a Hotel if they do come to visit. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or if I should let them stay at our house. I'm so afraid that there will be a battle if she stays. I need a little advise.
Be the bigger person and bury the hatchet. At the same time, don't put up with her crap. Don't get emotional. Just simply say, "I'm sorry, but that just won't fly here in my house."
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
