Horrible Mother-in-Law wants to visit (wife, husband, person, children)
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Springhiller? I've posted this once and wondered if you can answer this for me? Have you gotten counseling with your husband?
Why on Earth can't he step up to the plate and end this madness once and for all?? Let HIM talk to her. You and her will go on like this forever. YOur husband needs to nip this in the bud once and for all. He seems like he wants you to hear what you want to hear and maybe he does this with his mother too?
Maybe he is playing both sides.
What did your husband do after his mother accused you of being with someone else? Did he confront her?
My gut is he doesn't want to make waves with either side. Yes, she sounds like a total biotch!! wow! I thought I had bad mil's! LOL.I commend you for staying in a marriage like this with all the stress......... I could not do it anymore!
You and he are a team. He should tell her that and if she can't treat you with respect she will not be welcome over or see the grandkids! My ex-husband would play sides and I caught on eventually! I divorced him and it was the best thing i did (No kids involved)>>>but seriously! you will get an ulcer over this if something isn't done--like your husband doing something about it. It is HIS MOTHER. End of story! a leopard doesn't change its spots (i.e MIL)...
Springhiller? I've posted this once and wondered if you can answer this for me? Have you gotten counseling with your husband?
Why on Earth can't he step up to the plate and end this madness once and for all?? Let HIM talk to her. You and her will go on like this forever. YOur husband needs to nip this in the bud once and for all. He seems like he wants you to hear what you want to hear and maybe he does this with his mother too?
Maybe he is playing both sides.
What did your husband do after his mother accused you of being with someone else? Did he confront her?
My gut is he doesn't want to make waves with either side. Yes, she sounds like a total biotch!! wow! I thought I had bad mil's! LOL.I commend you for staying in a marriage like this with all the stress......... I could not do it anymore!
You and he are a team. He should tell her that and if she can't treat you with respect she will not be welcome over or see the grandkids! My ex-husband would play sides and I caught on eventually! I divorced him and it was the best thing i did (No kids involved)>>>but seriously! you will get an ulcer over this if something isn't done--like your husband doing something about it. It is HIS MOTHER. End of story! a leopard doesn't change its spots (i.e MIL)...
I agree 100%. The men in this woman's (MIL's) life have not stood up to the plate; they have enabled this woman, have created and empowered a monster to be borne, thrive, and survive, while everyone else is getting stepped on and crushed. I have a feeling that this woman has done this her whole life and everyone just gets out of her way. That might have been fine and dandy before the marriage. The trouble is that it's now gone on 11 years into the marriage of her son and DIL. She's had way too much time being a human wrecking ball.
I agree 100%. The men in this woman's (MIL's) life have not stood up to the plate; they have enabled this woman, have created and empower a monster to be borne, thrive, and survive, while everyone else is getting stepped on and crushed. I have a feeling that this woman has done this her whole life and everyone just gets out of her way. That might have been fine and dandy before the marriage. The trouble is that it's now gone on 11 years into the marriage of her son and DIL. She's had way too much time being a human wrecking ball.
BINGO DONNA! and I agree 100 percent with your posts! Hubby needs to step up to the plate and give an ultimatum at this point. You tried everything else it seems! What a homewrecker this woman is. I knew I couldn't be with my ex-husband after him disrespecting me and siding with his side of the family. It was hurtful and had nowhere to turn. I lost all respect for the guy I took vows with...and the love died.....
11 years is a LONG time to be with someone and have all this stress going on and on. It isn't healthy.
BINGO DONNA! and I agree 100 percent with your posts! Hubby needs to step up to the plate and give an ultimatum at this point. You tried everything else it seems! What a homewrecker this woman is. I knew I couldn't be with my ex-husband after him disrespecting me and siding with his side of the family. It was hurtful and had nowhere to turn. I lost all respect for the guy I took vows with...and the love died.....
11 years is a LONG time to be with someone and have all this stress going on and on. It isn't healthy.
NJSocks, I'm so sorry that you had to go through what you did, and for that reason. I am positive that it was PROFOUNDLY hurtful for you to be with your husband who should have put you in #1 position, as this is what is supposed to happen when man and wife become one (leave their families and start a new family unit). I am really sorry about that. I hope that life has treated you well since that point. Thanks for your posts. I'm glad that you're not afraid to post the truth. I feel so bad for women that get treated like cr*p by their in-laws. Sometimes it's the MIL or the SIL's. I am somewhat dealing with some minor issues that are only now popping up after almost 25 years of marriage. I would be more specific, but considering one never knows who is reading these forums, I can't be more specific. I'll PM you later tonight or tomorrow morning.
Wishing you a blessed and happy afternoon and evening.
njsocks, I have spoken to my husband about counseling. I think it is a great idea and he agrees. I also told my husband that I would be willing to accept it if the counselor told me I was over reacting and that I am looking into everything that she has done. Granted, minus the whole…fabricated infidelities. It seems as if he has been brain washed by this women his whole life, and that's hard to undo. But he is finally catching on. All it took was for me to write down my feelings and all of the things my MIL has done to make me feel like poo. Maybe I should have written her a long time ago. I’m sorry you had to go through the same disrespect and your ex siding with his family. You know what’s really crazy….??? All I want is to be able to get along with her because some day I would like to have children and I don’t want to deprive my child(ren) of his/her grandparents. But let me tell you…If this does not stop, there will be no children!! Ok, maybe I’m talking out of my butt, but I just don’t want it that way. Hopefully counseling will help.
Donna7. I really appreciate all of your words of encouragement and advice. I have definitely taken it to heart. As a matter of fact, I just might use some of your terminology on my MIL “if” she ever calls or writes back. THANK YOU!!!
njsocks, I have spoken to my husband about counseling. I think it is a great idea and he agrees. I also told my husband that I would be willing to accept it if the counselor told me I was over reacting and that I am looking into everything that she has done. Granted, minus the whole…fabricated infidelities. It seems as if he has been brain washed by this women his whole life, and that's hard to undo. But he is finally catching on. All it took was for me to write down my feelings and all of the things my MIL has done to make me feel like poo. Maybe I should have written her a long time ago. I’m sorry you had to go through the same disrespect and your ex siding with his family. You know what’s really crazy….??? All I want is to be able to get along with her because some day I would like to have children and I don’t want to deprive my child(ren) of his/her grandparents. But let me tell you…If this does not stop, there will be no children!! Ok, maybe I’m talking out of my butt, but I just don’t want it that way. Hopefully counseling will help.
Let's hope that you will not deprive your husband of having a legacy or legacies because of what his MOTHER did by withholding children. Even though he has SOME blame for not being able to stand up to his Mother from the starting point of your marriage (heck, how was it like when you two WERE still dating?), please don't let that WENCH determine whether or not you two will have children.
Now, if your husband continues to be whipped and have you deal with his Mother "by yourself", or even worse, starts to take sides WITH HER, then by all means, end the marriage.
NJSocks, I'm so sorry that you had to go through what you did, and for that reason. I am positive that it was PROFOUNDLY hurtful for you to be with your husband who should have put you in #1 position, as this is what is supposed to happen when man and wife become one (leave their families and start a new family unit). I am really sorry about that. I hope that life has treated you well since that point. Thanks for your posts. I'm glad that you're not afraid to post the truth. I feel so bad for women that get treated like cr*p by their in-laws. Sometimes it's the MIL or the SIL's. I am somewhat dealing with some minor issues that are only now popping up after almost 25 years of marriage. I would be more specific, but considering one never knows who is reading these forums, I can't be more specific. I'll PM you later tonight or tomorrow morning.
Wishing you a blessed and happy afternoon and evening.
Donna! Please, by all means, Pm me!!!I am here and have been through alot with mil ordeals!!
My only problem was I waited for 5 years to leave! I thought it would get better and it only got worse. I lost my mom 6 weeks after I got married and my lovely husband left me one night (fighting over his family,mostly mil, and had the nerve to stay with the family!
Wow, after 25 years of marriage, I commend you! I have been married almost 6 currently. That is awesome and rare these days!Pm me when you get a chance!
njsocks, I have spoken to my husband about counseling. I think it is a great idea and he agrees. I also told my husband that I would be willing to accept it if the counselor told me I was over reacting and that I am looking into everything that she has done. Granted, minus the whole…fabricated infidelities. It seems as if he has been brain washed by this women his whole life, and that's hard to undo. But he is finally catching on. All it took was for me to write down my feelings and all of the things my MIL has done to make me feel like poo. Maybe I should have written her a long time ago. I’m sorry you had to go through the same disrespect and your ex siding with his family. You know what’s really crazy….??? All I want is to be able to get along with her because some day I would like to have children and I don’t want to deprive my child(ren) of his/her grandparents. But let me tell you…If this does not stop, there will be no children!! Ok, maybe I’m talking out of my butt, but I just don’t want it that way. Hopefully counseling will help.
I hope I am not being too hard on you, but I speak from experience, and I know somewhat what you are going through. Don't deprive yourself of children with your husband over his mother..BUT...seek counseling and if it doesn't work in the long run, you KNOW you tried everything! that is what got me through.
A piece of advice too? Don't second guess yourself. You sound just like I did when I started to doubt myself and thought it was all me. You are the one trying to make an effort, obviously, the bitter MIL doesn't seem to want to budge...kill her with kindness, because she can't say anything bad!! You make sure your husband stands up for YOU BOTH. You are a family unit.....and a team! I am rooting for you. I know it is so hard and so stressful to go through this! My heart goes out to you.
Springhiller -- so sorry you've been going through this with your MIL. I hope that she sees the light after receiving your email, but be prepared that she just won't ever get it. It's good you let your hubby see the email. It sounds like he really understands how you feel now. I'll be thinking positive thought for you.
I had a horrific MIL in my first marriage as well. She was just nasty. I could never figure out what I did to her other than not be a size 2 which is what she was. She was very into appearances and was angry at my ex when he got acne as a teen and started balding in his 20s (like he can do anything about it and who exactly did he inherit that from: HER!) She never once came to our house because she had a true phobia of cats. We had 2 vicious little kitties ready to spring up and attack her if she entered the house (NOT-- they were both the most affectionate little things.) She insisted that I got the cats in order to keep her from coming into our house. If I didn't have them before, I would have gotten them after I found out what she was like. After ex and I split, she accused me of cheating (I didn't.) My ex still considers my mom to have been more of a mom to him than his own mom. My current MIL is wonderful, thank goodness.
Best of luck to you!!
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. After ex and I split, she accused me of cheating (I didn't.) My ex still considers my mom to have been more of a mom to him than his own mom. My current MIL is wonderful, thank goodness.
