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Are you going to argue that the majority of people who live here haven't lived anywhere else? They live in a bubble. Maybe some are well traveled, but probably many aren't. It doesn't matter. I'm wasting my time making my points.
If you just moved here 9 months ago, how can you say where anyone, let alone the majority, have lived? I see now YOU are pre-judging people by saying "they live in a bubble". A little condescending attitude never hurt the woe is me path, does it.
I think it is becoming apparent you are one of those people that are wedded to unhappiness. And it is everyone else's fault, except yours.
So, if you want to hurl insults at the general population of Oklahoma, you have come to the right place. Bring it.
If you just moved here 9 months ago, how can you say where anyone, let alone the majority, have lived? I see now YOU are pre-judging people by saying "they live in a bubble". A little condescending attitude never hurt the woe is me path, does it.
I think it is becoming apparent you are one of those people that are wedded to unhappiness. And it is everyone else's fault, except yours.
So, if you want to hurl insults at the general population of Oklahoma, you have come to the right place. Bring it.
Sorry I misread your other post. Could have sworn you said to just pick up and go, or maybe it was that its what you would do. As for the bubble comment, that came from one of my best friends who lived here for over 20 years. He is an Okie. He's the one who warned me about the politics (but he's pretty liberal, I'm not), the lack of culture, etc. HOWEVER, I've found that almost every person I've met since I've been here fits what he said as far as never living somewhere else. Of course there's exceptions, but this isn't a transient state. If I took a sample size of the population, my guess is 70-80% would fit either having not lived somewhere else, or lived somewhere else for a couple of years and came back because their family was here. That can be good, but in my case its not because people can't relate as easily to someone not from here. So no, I didn't prejudge, but what he told me proved to be true.
Why don't you tell the12ronin how great the dating scene is here? Maybe you're married and don't know or don't care, but this isn't the place for a single male. Please dispute this with some facts.
Sorry I misread your other post. Could have sworn you said to just pick up and go, or maybe it was that its what you would do. As for the bubble comment, that came from one of my best friends who lived here for over 20 years. He is an Okie. He's the one who warned me about the politics (but he's pretty liberal, I'm not), the lack of culture, etc. HOWEVER, I've found that almost every person I've met since I've been here fits what he said as far as never living somewhere else. Of course there's exceptions, but this isn't a transient state. If I took a sample size of the population, my guess is 70-80% would fit either having not lived somewhere else, or lived somewhere else for a couple of years and came back because their family was here. That can be good, but in my case its not because people can't relate as easily to someone not from here. So no, I didn't prejudge, but what he told me proved to be true.
Why don't you tell the12ronin how great the dating scene is here? Maybe you're married and don't know or don't care, but this isn't the place for a single male. Please dispute this with some facts.
Could you be a little more condescending? I don't do well with subtlety......
Guess after 11,0000 years of native american heritage we have a lack of culture........I've only been around the world twice.....once in the Navy, once hitchhiking.....so my knowledge of the world is pretty limited. And I know I must be pretty conservative as I only worked for the NDP in Canada for two years. I know the dating scene.......that much I do know, although my dating these days is pretty limited......at 65 I just have a difficult time closing down the clubs. Anyone that can't find a decent fun partner in this state, straight or gay, is either butt ugly or dumber than a mud fence. You said you were decent looking so that just leaves one option. Maybe you SHOULD go back to where ever it is they ran you out of.........
while I am here, though, perhaps you can answer a question for me........do you prefer black truffle oil or white for greasing the grill for steaks? Guess my lack of culture is showing again.....oh well, another sip of Laphroaig should bring me up to speed...........
Atlguy39 has obviously fallen into the wrong circles in Oklahoma. Unless his job involves micro-economics, taking a sample rate of people who have never been out of Oklahoma based on who he has met is a far reach. My entire family in Oklahoma is well traveled, well cultured and not small-minded. And I have a large family. My friends? Same case. Maybe it is because I am from Edmond, where most of my friends from school came to Oklahoma from other states, and most of them still live in OKC.
Very few... Well... Come to think of it... No one in Oklahoma I met fits Atlguy39's conclusion. In fact, the most conservative people I have ever met came from Missouri. But my circles are different. Granted, Edmond and NW OKC are very transient.
I recently read an article about the Boeing jobs that recently transferred to Oklahoma. Many had their reservations and doubts, and had the option to transfer back if they didn't like it. OKC exceeded their expectations, and they stayed, bought homes in the metro area and started their lives. Some did go back.
Bottom line, Oklahoma is not for everyone, much like Texas isn't for everyone, or Florida, or Delaware, etc. But to conclude that Oklahoma isn't cultured (a term used VERY loosely these days) or well traveled is over the top. Not saying that everyone in Oklahoma is well traveled. In order to know for sure, we'd need to survey all 2 million households. Not going to happen.
Atlguy39 says his friend, who is fairly liberal, warned him about Oklahoma's populace. How many people do we know who have done the same thing. My point is, a lot of people in Oklahoma warn outsiders about the local "conservative" culture, and I mean a lot. Yet these same people never champion the state's Native American culture, art and music culture and Oklahoma's surprisingly rich African American history. Why is that?
I am always surprised at how far flung Oklahomans are and how widely traveled. I've found them all over. I haven't as much travel experience as Goodpasture but everywhere I've been there are Oklahomans. And certainly my family, friends and neighbors are very experienced travelers. It surprises me because in my mind I am still that little shirtless, barefoot boy playing in the freshly turned soil that's baking in the Oklahoma sun.
In defense of Atlguy39 I will say that his concern about a life partner without children is certainly valid. I think people too often forget that marriage involves whole groups of people in addition to the potential spouse. And children multiply the number of those others.
On the other hand there are some awfully fine single people out there doing unbelievably heroic work raising some wonderful children. And there are some single folks without children that are a long ways from hero by any stretch.
As to the particular point that many more Oklahoma single women have children than in other states I am not really convinced that's true. I do know that there are too many fatherless households but I think it's far more widespread than Oklahoma and the reasons are more complex than simple answers provide
Funny, this all being said..I just yesterday spoke with a woman on the phone(just had become acquainted) and come to find out she had four kids. I silently chuckled to myself at the would-be sterotype that many of the women are with child, but just dismissed it off. The pertinent part of the story comes later though, when I asked her -if- the stereotype was true. This was a born and raised Okie mind you. She said, " yep, bout 90 percent of us got kids. Just the way it is out here."
Now of course thats only the opinion of one person, but after remotely prospecting the lasses out yonder, I definitely do see a dubious trend with the multitude of photos I receive with children in them and the mother's single. Which, as stated above, is certainly heroic of a single woman to do on her own. I was raised exclusively by my Mother and to my mind, there is no greater woman that walks this earth.
However..to be fair to both sides here, it is a our choice and preference as single men to opt for a woman without children, especially if we are looking to start a family of our own -or- are not in the right places in our lives to have the responsibility of little ones. Not to mention the many issues their father will in certain cases enter into our lives, disrupting its quality.
Bottom line, it's all opinion on this topic from all parties here, but personally speaking, I am not open to dating a single mother. My reasons are my own and that is that. Which of course could be a negative for such as I when it comes to moving my career out there to OKC.
Last edited by the12ronin; 06-18-2013 at 10:48 AM..
Reason: phone's keyboard faulty
Funny, this all being said..I just yesterday spoke with a woman on the phone(just had become acquainted) and come to find out she had four kids. I silently chuckled to myself at the would-be sterotype that many of the women are with child, but just dismissed it off. The pertinent part of the story comes later though, when I asked her -if- the stereotype was true. This was a born and raised Okie mind you. She said, " yep, bout 90 percent of us got kids. Just the way it is out here."
Now of course thats only the opinion of one person, but after remotely prospecting the lasses out yonder, I definitely do see a dubious trend with the multitude of photos I receive with children in them and the mother's single. Which, as stated above, is certainly heroic of a single woman to do on her own. I was raised exclusively by my Mother and to my mind, there is no greater woman that walks this earth.
However..to be fair to both sides here, it is a our choice and preference as single men to opt for a woman without children, especially if we are looking to start a family of our own -or- are not in the right places in our lives to have the responsibility of little ones. Not to mention the many issues their father will in certain cases enter into our lives, disrupting its quality.
Bottom line, it's all opinion on this topic from all parties here, but personally speaking, I am not open to dating a single mother. My reasons are my own and that is that. Which of course could be a negative for such as I when it comes to moving my career out there to OKC.
Just anecdotal but when I was a kid graduating from high school way back when there really were a lot of my group that married very quickly either out of high school, during college, or soon after college. It was very common for couples to form early in high school or even junior high. And it was relatively uncommon still for people to divorce.
By the time my children were graduating from high school it seemed to me that most of their group was waiting until sometime during college or after and some much later. At the same time divorce in my group became much more common.
Now I have grandchildren in college and practically none of their group (so it seems to me at least) are getting married quickly. The idea of exclusive couples seems even strange. Divorce in their parents' group seems to have occurred much earlier than in mine but probably not significantly greater rate.
Still my advice to my grandchildren is to wait on marriage until you've had a chance to live alone and develop your own sense of self and independence. I tell them the world is a very large place and to slow down and enjoy the journey. Of course, they pay about as much attention to me as I paid to my parents and grandparents.
Well written, the12ronin. Obviously, I was frustrated in my posts. I usually write better and express myself in a less confrontational way. You're right about people proving my point though. As much as "Okies" like to say they're welcoming and help each other (as is the case with the tornadoes), they're really not all that welcoming (my office aside). I know part of that is me being quiet and introverted, but I'm not that bad. As I said, I force myself to be social, just have some anxiety around people I don't know. Its only around people I don't know. Unfortunately, thats everyone here outside of the office. I take that back, I have met lots of people, but again, not integrated into their social circles yet.
Flinty, I'm an ISTJ. I know all about Myers-Briggs. I've done that and many other personality assessments, in part to decide on a career direction and part for personal life reasons. Its pretty darn accurate, particularly on the I score. I'm a high introvert. I don't love that about myself, as it would be soooo much easier if I were extroverted, at least in the U.S. (I say U.S. because not every country is extroverted like we are).
I'm also INTJ, very high on the first two. I hate 'socializing'. One reason I love it here (and I'm in a smaller town, not OKC) is if I want to do my thing and not socialize nobody seems to insist. I went through that in socal. Pointless conversation with strangers is rather pointless to me so once it didn't matter was out of there. I don't hate being the way I am, but embrass it since it isn't going to change.
I like the way it is with neighbors. I do talk to them, and even know their names, but you don't have to be friends and aren't enemies either. This is desirable over the barely know the neighbors face idea.
If there is something you really are interested in, go look for that. There are likely people more like you who will let you in that way. Most introverts can be very social under the right circumstances. Mine is science fiction/fantasy fandom. What's yours?
You're right about the US being geared towards the extrovert so to some extent if you want comfortable social situations you'll have a hard time anywhere.
I'm also INTJ, very high on the first two. I hate 'socializing'. One reason I love it here (and I'm in a smaller town, not OKC) is if I want to do my thing and not socialize nobody seems to insist. I went through that in socal. Pointless conversation with strangers is rather pointless to me so once it didn't matter was out of there. I don't hate being the way I am, but embrass it since it isn't going to change.
That's exactly how I feel now but I was so self-conscious for so long until I began to understand it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nightbird47
I like the way it is with neighbors. I do talk to them, and even know their names, but you don't have to be friends and aren't enemies either. This is desirable over the barely know the neighbors face idea.
I am not at all shy or timid and really have a great time with small groups. It's when there become many people that I have such a hard time. I've learned to do it over the years but I have to have some alone time to recover from every episode.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nightbird47
If there is something you really are interested in, go look for that. There are likely people more like you who will let you in that way. Most introverts can be very social under the right circumstances. Mine is science fiction/fantasy fandom. What's yours?
You're right about the US being geared towards the extrovert so to some extent if you want comfortable social situations you'll have a hard time anywhere.
Pretty much my experience.
I have learned to manage my Introversion to some extent. For instance if we go to an event I try to get near an aisle or maybe a box or something.
My wife is an S whereas I am N. On that I've learned to try to get my details correct with her because she has a harder time with her S than I do with my N.
Haven't been able to do much of anything with my T and J though.
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