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I have an almost teen daughter. I also just tell her no dirty dishes left overnight in her room, dirty clothes go in the basket ASAP so they wont stain, wet towel on the hook, keep bathroom sink uncluttered. I clean her bathroom though. And if she wants a friend over she has to really CLEAN her room.
My rule of thumb is: I will close your door, if you want to live like a pig... so be it. The rest of the house has different rules as far as them keeping their stuff picked up. I clean the bathroom because it's used by more than just our teens. HOWEVER... I have also told them that when I get sick of their rooms being such pig-pens... I am going to go in there and clean - deep clean. That translates into - I am going to look in every drawer, cupboard, closet, etc... in your room. If you don't want me invading your privacy - keep your room clean. Guess I'll know immediately if they have something to hide - their rooms will suddenly stay clean
Once they're past 7 or 8, they should be cleaning their own rooms - but it's like anything, choose your battles. If it's not really worth fighting with them about then don't. It's up to the parents. In some families, both parents work and time with family is too short to spend it all fighting over things that ultimately don't matter.
A kid can be messy at age 12 and by age 16 likes everything tidy - or they can be messy their entire lives. If they're 12, you only have about 6 years to endure their mess - then they leave and you can clean it all up - but did you really want to spend those last 6 years with them yelling and nagging over things like a cluttered room.
No wonder you are in the shape you are in. You are so lucky you have your mom and you don't even realize it.
No one tells me I am not ALLOWED somewhere that I own. That is a good way to find your **** in the front yard at my house. My oldest tried it and I explained to her REAL QUICK that she doesn't OWN anything except stuff she purchased herself OR had given to her. She USES her room, furniture, appliances, ect that compose her room. I, in fact, OWN this house and said furniture, appliances, and 99% of the rest of the stuff in "her room." I have a piece of paper that says I do. Needless to say I didn't hear anymore about it either. She is lucky her bed isn't in the living room as far as I am concerned. She is not guaranteed privacy under the Constitution OR any other law. Adequate food, shelter, and clothing until she is 18 years old. If I choose to allow her to stay in her bedroom, so be it. If I choose to buy her name brand clothing, so be it (don't kid yourself, I don't.) If I choose to cook roast and steak she eats good. If I choose to stock my cupboards with mac and cheese and Raman Noodles, at least she has SOMETHING to eat. Sorry I just had to feed the troll. I think I have been very good at ignoring it for quite awhile.
I can't believe your mother stands for you telling her whether she is "allowed" in your room.
That is funny. My DD tried to tell me once that I was not allowed in her room, I told her that she does not have a room, I have a room that I allow her to use.
That is funny. My DD tried to tell me once that I was not allowed in her room, I told her that she does not have a room, I have a room that I allow her to use.
We have that same philosophy for teen's cars also.....
As for the cleanliness part, I really don't care (my room was a disaster as a child), my DH on the other hand is a neat freak and he insists that it get cleaned about once a month. He used to make them clean all the time but I think the pick your battles has finally dawned on him and he lets it go for a while.
We also do not let any food or drink (other than water) in their rooms so no worries there.
Laundry is expected to be brought down nightly or first thing in the morning. If not it doesn't get cleaned and you are going to do it yourself when the washer and dryer become available. Which basically means, do not bring 2 weeks worth of laundry down and think you're going to get it washed right away because now you have no clean clothes.
What do other parents expect in terms of teens keeping their rooms (and in our case, their bathrooms) clean?
So far all I've asked is that dirty clothes go into the hamper, and dirty dishes make their way downstairs. Beds go unmade, and bathrooms rival those found at interstate gas stations. I am ok closing the door, but my spouse doesn't agree.
Do you have different standards for girls and boys?
When I was young Saturday was house cleaning day. Nobody watched cartoons, nobody went *anywhere* or did *anything* until the house was clean. That included my bedroom and I'm sure if we had had more than one bathroom, it would have included that as well. This started when I was two years old, and by the time I was a teen there was no question about what you did on Saturday mornings.
Perhaps it's too late for your teen(s) to learn, but telling them there is no television, video games, texting, iPod, etc., until the rooms are SPOTLESS might work. Who knows?
I can't believe your mother stands for you telling her whether she is "allowed" in your room.
Quote:
Originally Posted by okpondlady
She is not guaranteed privacy under the Constitution OR any other law. Adequate food, shelter, and clothing until she is 18 years old.
Quote:
Originally Posted by skahar
That is funny. My DD tried to tell me once that I was not allowed in her room, I told her that she does not have a room, I have a room that I allow her to use.
Txtqueen is a grown adult. Her room should be private for the most part.
If she was a teen it would be different.
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My oldest tried it and I explained to her REAL QUICK that she doesn't OWN anything except stuff she purchased herself OR had given to her. She USES her room, furniture, appliances, ect that compose her room. I, in fact, OWN this house and said furniture, appliances, and 99% of the rest of the stuff in "her room." I have a piece of paper that says I do. Needless to say I didn't hear anymore about it either. She is lucky her bed isn't in the living room as far as I am concerned. She is not guaranteed privacy under the Constitution OR any other law. Adequate food, shelter, and clothing until she is 18 years old. If I choose to allow her to stay in her bedroom, so be it. If I choose to buy her name brand clothing, so be it (don't kid yourself, I don't.) If I choose to cook roast and steak she eats good. If I choose to stock my cupboards with mac and cheese and Raman Noodles, at least she has SOMETHING to eat. Sorry I just had to feed the troll. I think I have been very good at ignoring it for quite awhile. 
