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A responsible parent doing their best to guide their young daughter into womanhood doesn't need a "logical" reason to say no, just an appropriate reason.
Letting a child in middle school start coloring their hair is very irresponsible because it robs them of their childhood and allows them to do things they are years away from being mature enough to understand the consequences of.
Not really. Have you known most middle schoolers today? They are not like children, they are teenagers and they act like it.
Dying hair is not unreasonable. Like I said before, if a 12/13 year old can't understand hair dye does some damage, then they need to go be seen to make sure they are developmentally where they should be. I understood at that age.
Quote:
Originally Posted by paganmama80
She isn't really a child anymore...and certainly when she is 14 she won't be. And i agree you are the mentor, but her doing her hair isn't a grownup activity. Letting her do these little things to experiment with growing up helps avoid larger things in life.
It isn't a grown-up activity.
Ok so it used to be mostly for women with grey hair but it evolved into something for everyone. I can see saying no to a 7 year old but once you hit middle school at 11 or so and they are interested in those kinds of things, they biologically and scientifically start noticing and getting interested in that kind of stuff even if it is peer related then why say no if they want to change something?
And yes it does help avoid the larger things in life.
If you say no no no now, then its going to make the kid rebel and resent you for not letting them experiment when the age was right.
Once you get to 18 and in college and working its very hard to experiment, so if 16 is the age to start doing all that or older then it gives them no time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by treeg26
Little things: what clothes/style to wear, which earings, short or long hair, decorating their room, shoes, music, activities (choir, band, sports, cheerleading), friends, ect.
They have all kinds of things that they get to chose. An extream hair color change is not one of them in my house.
Personal appearance (shaving, make-up, hair/color, clothes, shoes, glasses or contacts, jewelery), interest (music, sports, clubs, activities, room decoration) and friends are all things that are their jurisdiction when they hit middle school.
There are bigger battles to fight than whether or not she dyes her hair black.
Drugs/drinking, grades, and sex before being ready are non-negotiable.
When I have kids and if I have a girl and she is 13 and she wants to wear Abercrombie, dye her hair blonde from brown which will be the most likely color and do her make-up and wear big sun glasses, fine by me.
If she is 13 and wants to wear hot pink skinny jeans, a black band t-shirt and have black hair, fine by me.
But if she wants to smoke, do drugs etc, not fine.
Why not let your kid be happy with their appearance and change it instead of stifling them and letting them be miserable?
I rather see a 13 year old with a style then see one of those sloppy looking 13 year olds who looks and acts like they are still 10.
Not really. Have you known most middle schoolers today? They are not like children, they are teenagers and they act like it.
Dying hair is not unreasonable. Like I said before, if a 12/13 year old can't understand hair dye does some damage, then they need to go be seen to make sure they are developmentally where they should be. I understood at that age.
It isn't a grown-up activity.
Ok so it used to be mostly for women with grey hair but it evolved into something for everyone. I can see saying no to a 7 year old but once you hit middle school at 11 or so and they are interested in those kinds of things, they biologically and scientifically start noticing and getting interested in that kind of stuff even if it is peer related then why say no if they want to change something?
And yes it does help avoid the larger things in life.
If you say no no no now, then its going to make the kid rebel and resent you for not letting them experiment when the age was right.
Once you get to 18 and in college and working its very hard to experiment, so if 16 is the age to start doing all that or older then it gives them no time.
Personal appearance (shaving, make-up, hair/color, clothes, shoes, glasses or contacts, jewelery), interest (music, sports, clubs, activities, room decoration) and friends are all things that are their jurisdiction when they hit middle school.
There are bigger battles to fight than whether or not she dyes her hair black.
Drugs/drinking, grades, and sex before being ready are non-negotiable.
When I have kids and if I have a girl and she is 13 and she wants to wear Abercrombie, dye her hair blonde from brown which will be the most likely color and do her make-up and wear big sun glasses, fine by me.
If she is 13 and wants to wear hot pink skinny jeans, a black band t-shirt and have black hair, fine by me.
But if she wants to smoke, do drugs etc, not fine.
Why not let your kid be happy with their appearance and change it instead of stifling them and letting them be miserable?
I rather see a 13 year old with a style then see one of those sloppy looking 13 year olds who looks and acts like they are still 10.
Not really. Have you known most middle schoolers today? They are not like children, they are teenagers and they act like it.
Dying hair is not unreasonable. Like I said before, if a 12/13 year old can't understand hair dye does some damage, then they need to go be seen to make sure they are developmentally where they should be. I understood at that age.
It isn't a grown-up activity.
Ok so it used to be mostly for women with grey hair but it evolved into something for everyone. I can see saying no to a 7 year old but once you hit middle school at 11 or so and they are interested in those kinds of things, they biologically and scientifically start noticing and getting interested in that kind of stuff even if it is peer related then why say no if they want to change something?
And yes it does help avoid the larger things in life.
If you say no no no now, then its going to make the kid rebel and resent you for not letting them experiment when the age was right.
Once you get to 18 and in college and working its very hard to experiment, so if 16 is the age to start doing all that or older then it gives them no time.
Personal appearance (shaving, make-up, hair/color, clothes, shoes, glasses or contacts, jewelery), interest (music, sports, clubs, activities, room decoration) and friends are all things that are their jurisdiction when they hit middle school.
There are bigger battles to fight than whether or not she dyes her hair black.
Drugs/drinking, grades, and sex before being ready are non-negotiable.
When I have kids and if I have a girl and she is 13 and she wants to wear Abercrombie, dye her hair blonde from brown which will be the most likely color and do her make-up and wear big sun glasses, fine by me.
If she is 13 and wants to wear hot pink skinny jeans, a black band t-shirt and have black hair, fine by me.
But if she wants to smoke, do drugs etc, not fine.
Why not let your kid be happy with their appearance and change it instead of stifling them and letting them be miserable?
I rather see a 13 year old with a style then see one of those sloppy looking 13 year olds who looks and acts like they are still 10.
That's exactly it! I want my kids to be happy with their appearance- their NATURAL appearance. Thankfully, my girls (who are 13 and 15) are happy with their natural appearance and haven't asked to dye their hair.
And it's funny that you think a 13 year old needs to dye their hair to have style- mine has never dyed her hair (and only wears a little bit of make-up to school) and I'm always getting comments about how beautiful and how great she always looks. She does have a way with clothes, I must say!
Not really. Have you known most middle schoolers today? They are not like children, they are teenagers and they act like it.
Dying hair is not unreasonable. Like I said before, if a 12/13 year old can't understand hair dye does some damage, then they need to go be seen to make sure they are developmentally where they should be. I understood at that age.
It isn't a grown-up activity.
Ok so it used to be mostly for women with grey hair but it evolved into something for everyone. I can see saying no to a 7 year old but once you hit middle school at 11 or so and they are interested in those kinds of things, they biologically and scientifically start noticing and getting interested in that kind of stuff even if it is peer related then why say no if they want to change something?
And yes it does help avoid the larger things in life.
If you say no no no now, then its going to make the kid rebel and resent you for not letting them experiment when the age was right.
Once you get to 18 and in college and working its very hard to experiment, so if 16 is the age to start doing all that or older then it gives them no time.
Personal appearance (shaving, make-up, hair/color, clothes, shoes, glasses or contacts, jewelery), interest (music, sports, clubs, activities, room decoration) and friends are all things that are their jurisdiction when they hit middle school.
There are bigger battles to fight than whether or not she dyes her hair black.
Drugs/drinking, grades, and sex before being ready are non-negotiable.
When I have kids and if I have a girl and she is 13 and she wants to wear Abercrombie, dye her hair blonde from brown which will be the most likely color and do her make-up and wear big sun glasses, fine by me.
If she is 13 and wants to wear hot pink skinny jeans, a black band t-shirt and have black hair, fine by me.
But if she wants to smoke, do drugs etc, not fine.
Why not let your kid be happy with their appearance and change it instead of stifling them and letting them be miserable?
I rather see a 13 year old with a style then see one of those sloppy looking 13 year olds who looks and acts like they are still 10.
No offense txtqueen - but you are not a parent, are practically still a kid yourself, and one who was raised in a dysfunctional household with little to no proper parenting and supervision.
Your perspective on this isn't something I can't give a lot of credibility to.
(and I mean that in as nice a way as possible)
Last edited by lovesMountains; 12-09-2010 at 03:09 PM..
Reason: misspelling!
No offense txtqueen - but you are not a parent, are practically still a kid yourself, and one who was raised in a dysfunctional household with little to no proper parenting and supervision.
Your perspective on this isn't something I can give a lot of credibility to.
(and I mean that in as nice a way as possible)
It doesn't take much parenting skills to determine if you will or will not let your child dye their hair.
That's exactly it! I want my kids to be happy with their appearance- their NATURAL appearance. Thankfully, my girls (who are 13 and 15) are happy with their natural appearance and haven't asked to dye their hair.
My son is 11, very happy with his natural appearance - AND his green dyed hair! He dyed it for fun, because he loves the color. It's growing out now - we re-dyed it once - and he loves the stripey look of his dark roots growing in under the green, that's gotten lighter over time.
I'm a responsible, caring parent, who just doesn't think hair dying is any kind of big deal at all. Like folks have said, pick your battles. Which I think is an odd saying, because it implies there ARE battles; there aren't, here!
There's probably a difference between the social consequences for boys vs those for girls - but I know I'd let my daughter dye her hair, too, if I had one. Whatever color she wanted; it's her hair.
It doesn't take much parenting skills to determine if you will or will not let your child dye their hair.
What sounds good in theory (before you're a parent) changes immensely once your kids grow older. Before I had my kids, I told myself they'd be able do this or that, and my family would be a perfect "fairytale" type family and because I would be allowing them to do those things, everyone would be happy. Believe me, it ALL changes once your kids get older. You'll realize that what you THINK will work, often times doesn't.
What sounds good in theory (before you're a parent) changes immensely once your kids grow older. Before I had my kids, I told myself they'd be able do this or that, and my family would be a perfect "fairytale" type family and because I would be allowing them to do those things, everyone would be happy. Believe me, it ALL changes once your kids get older. You'll realize that what you THINK will work, often times doesn't.
It all comes with maturity and growing up.
Maybe for you but for me it hasn't The things i said i would do i do and the things i said i wouldn't do i haven't
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