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They're not asking the OP to sacrifice his beliefs, just attend church with them while he's still in the process of becoming an adult. They value church and their faith, and they want what's best for him. It's not going to hurt him to be exposed to it for two more years. I'm not religious, never have been, but I have attended religious services; simply being there in person doesn't mean that one has to believe in the religion. Part of being a parent means exposing our children to the things that matter to us. For these parents, that includes their church. There's nothing wrong with that.
Even if he ends up a life-long atheist those extra two years of church attendance aren't going to hurt him. Religion is very much a part of life for many, many people (including, obviously, his family) so he can consider those couple of hours a week as providing additional insights into a belief system that has major implications on the world around us. He doesn't have to believe in it to get something out of it. And, although we have no reason to assume this, let's say that his denomination preaches things that many of us find to be hateful or against our moral beliefs -- in that case, it's even more useful to understand where they are coming from and why they believe what they do.
In any case, I think the mature thing to do here is to the polite and respectful thing and to continue to attend church, while realizing that physical presence at the church won't hurt him, even if he doesn't believe in the religion.
He COULD end up running with the wrong crowd! He COULD end up getting someone pregnant and become a teenage dad! He could end up with a raging case of herpes that he can never get rid of! He could end up a hopeless alcoholic or drug addict because he has nothing to believe in! He COULD do a whole lot of things. He COULD simply get up on Sunday morning and go to church ...listen to his parents', the people who care about his present life, his future, and what they believe to be his ETERNAL life, instead of a complete and total stranger who doesn't give a crap about him at ALL! And he COULD simply ignore the ramblings of someone who has no agenda other than to keep him from believing in something, just because THEY don't believe in it.
Wow... that was a lot of assumptions. Why would any of that happen? Why did you think of all of these horrible things?
At any rate... my purpose of posting in this thread was not to convince him to believe anything. He already believes it! As I said before, I don't think he should be rude and offensive to them. I'm just saying he's old enough not to be forced into beliefs he doesn't hold.
Wow... that was a lot of assumptions. Why would any of that happen? Why did you think of all of these horrible things?
At any rate... my purpose of posting in this thread was not to convince him to believe anything. He already believes it! As I said before, I don't think he should be rude and offensive to them. I'm just saying he's old enough not to be forced into beliefs he doesn't hold.
No one can be forced into beliefs they don't hold. Which is why, it can't hurt him to attend church, and can only provide a measure of comfort to the parents, who -do- believe they are acting in the best interests of their son.
When I was a teen I decided I no longer needed church....or God. However, I thank my God and my blessed, stuborn parents that they made me go...made me learn the scriptures....and never quit praying. Because there came a time in my life when horror and tragedy struck and my world collapsed around me in ashes. It was then that all those verses I had to memorize and all those sermons I had to hear came back and pulled me back from the brink. If I hadn't known how to reach out and hold onto the Lord I would not be here all these years later. Thank your parents for loving you enough that they care more about you than they do your anger.
I was never "forced" to go to synagogue. It was something we did on Friday nights, and occasional Saturday mornings, and the High Holy Days. I also never believed in the Jewish dogma. I still don't. I'm glad I went to synagogue though. When I was -very- young, I didn't listen to any of it, but "absorbed" the prayers and songs. It was all in Hebrew, so I didn't understand a word of it anyway. But I could still recite it all, as meaningless as it was to me, syllable by syllable, note by note.
When I was a teen, our congregation purchased a permanent home, and our rabbi and cantor would lead some pretty awesome services. I was old enough to actually pay attention instead of falling asleep in the coatroom (which was where kids usually ended up laying down at our previous location). The rabbi wouldn't merely translate the words, but he would explain the prayers. He'd explain what they meant, and why we were reciting them. I -still- didn't believe the scriptures, and I still don't embrace the existence of a diety. But the lessons themselves were awesome. I learned about Judaism, about the history, traditions, and culture of it. I ended up being active in the temple's youth group, attending sleepovers with the group one weekend every month and working with my groupmates to write and direct that Saturday's service for the entire congregation.
Although I never accepted the "faith" or the "religion" of Judiasm, I appreciate and remain grateful that my parents provided this opportunity to me. I learned a sense of community, of belonging to something greater than myself - that no matter where I am in the world, no matter what my situation is, no matter my social, political, or economic standing, I will always be a part of that "something" and will always belong. Whether or not I wish to participate is up to me. But it will always be there for me if I choose to do so.
The OP will hopefully learn this about his own parents' religion. Unless it's some kind of freaky chicken-wire-gated walled in cult (and it doesn't sound like it is), he really should open his mind and accept a few things:
1. Other people DO have religious beliefs, whether he chooses to believe or not.
2. His parents are doing what they believe is the best thing for him, and
2a. it is their responsibility to do what they believe is the best thing for him, until he's 18.
3. If going to church is the worst thing that happens to him in his life, he should consider himself lucky and thank his own intelligence (since he doesn't embrace god, which is his right as a human being) for putting up with it for 2 more years.
4. He really should consider the possibility of getting to know this community of people in which is parents socialize on church days. While he might not ever embrace their religious beliefs, he might find himself some interesting - and interested - friends. Unless he's too close-minded to even think that a believer is capable of intelligent thought. In which case he'll have some serious problems growing up, until he cracks open his mind a notch.
Why is everyone so invested in this kid's beliefs and behavior. It would be such a great world if everyone was respected for their individuality. No need to force square pegs into round holes. He can love his parents without having to cave into their beliefs. And the time they spend in church is precious time that HE should not have to give up to satisfy some weird dictate that says he should pretend to go along with something . . . something important, that he has no desire to subscribe to.
Doesn't anyone understand that time and life is precious and should not be wasted in idle, false pursuits?
What a bunch of hypocrites telling him to "suck it up," and just fake it . . . for what?
Having your own personal beliefs doesn't mean you hate your parents. Such black and white thinking, i.e., church = good, no church = bad. So simplistic.
Why is everyone so invested in this kid's beliefs and behavior. It would be such a great world if everyone was respected for their individuality. No need to force square pegs into round holes. He can love his parents without having to cave into their beliefs. And the time they spend in church is precious time that HE should not have to give up to satisfy some weird dictate that says he should pretend to go along with something . . . something important, that he has no desire to subscribe to.
Doesn't anyone understand that time and life is precious and should not be wasted in idle, false pursuits?
What a bunch of hypocrites telling him to "suck it up," and just fake it . . . for what?
Having your own personal beliefs doesn't mean you hate your parents. Such black and white thinking, i.e., church = good, no church = bad. So simplistic.
Clearly, you don't get the point here at all! His parents also probably believed he'd be safer sleeping in the house with them instead of on the sidewalk by the street. If he believed the sidewalk was safe enough and that's where he wanted to sleep, would that ALSO be okay? No, it wouldn't...and his parents would be irresponsible if they allowed him to do it, simply because they didn't believe it was the right thing to do!
What YOU are clearly missing here is that many of us DO understand that time and life is precious and should not be wasted in idle, false pursuits. It's why we're imploring him to make the right decision. If his parents got killed in a car accident next week and he'd refused to go to church this Sunday with them, do you not think he would suffer for the rest of his life because of his decision? I do. It is valuble family time. Time spent together, sharing something precious. In a blink of an eye it can be gone. Why put a rift between a child and a parent, again, simply because some of you do not believe.
For the record...I am not "religious"....I am extremely spiritual and highly intelligent. Because of the areas in which my intelligence lies, I can SEE the evidence of a higher power, a being so powerful, so highly intelligent, so inventive and imaginative....that I am struck breathless at times, in wonder of His creations...completely awestruck. Not everyone feels this way....I get that and am okay with that. I am not okay with people who help to build walls between families and encourage children to defy good and decent parents.
Clearly, you don't get the point here at all! His parents also probably believed he'd be safer sleeping in the house with them instead of on the sidewalk by the street. If he believed the sidewalk was safe enough and that's where he wanted to sleep, would that ALSO be okay? No, it wouldn't...and his parents would be irresponsible if they allowed him to do it, simply because they didn't believe it was the right thing to do!
What YOU are clearly missing here is that many of us DO understand that time and life is precious and should not be wasted in idle, false pursuits. It's why we're imploring him to make the right decision. If his parents got killed in a car accident next week and he'd refused to go to church this Sunday with them, do you not think he would suffer for the rest of his life because of his decision? I do. It is valuble family time. Time spent together, sharing something precious. In a blink of an eye it can be gone. Why put a rift between a child and a parent, again, simply because some of you do not believe.
For the record...I am not "religious"....I am extremely spiritual and highly intelligent. Because of the areas in which my intelligence lies, I can SEE the evidence of a higher power, a being so powerful, so highly intelligent, so inventive and imaginative....that I am struck breathless at times, in wonder of His creations...completely awestruck. Not everyone feels this way....I get that and am okay with that. I am not okay with people who help to build walls between families and encourage children to defy good and decent parents.
Modest too, no doubt.
I am not arguing for or against a higher power, only this kid's right to his own mind. In many societies, at 16 you are a "man." We dumb down teenagers and kids, in general, strip them of all authority (even self-authority) . . . it is very disrespectful for his parents not to SEE him as an individual and respect his, highly PERSONAL beliefs.
I suppose you think if parents don't want teens to have sex they should also be in charge of their bodies and their personal sexual pursuits.
It must say in the bible somewhere that "Thou owns thou kids and thou must twist them into pretzels to worship false gods." or maybe "Use the rod to ensure your wayward kids go to church. Beat them daily until they submit to your whims."
Last edited by imcurious; 12-18-2010 at 09:32 PM..
As for logic and reasoning - a 16-year-old's brain hasn't finished growing yet, he might have convinced himself that he doesn't believe in anything, but that could easily change in a month, or a year, or by the time he gets to college. There is no logic and reasoning with a 16-year-old kid, when it comes to what they "want" and what they "believe." They're 16. He probably just wants to get laid and is using the atheist card as his excuse to get out of hanging around with mom and dad.
You really think a 16-year-old has "no logic and reasoning"? I can understand that with a 2-year-old but not a 16-year-old.
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious
We dumb down teenagers and kids, in general, strip them of all authority (even self-authority) . . . it is very disrespectful for his parents not to SEE him as an individual and respect his, highly PERSONAL beliefs.
Well said. I think too many parents grossly underestimate their child's intelligence and understanding about the world.
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Why would any of that happen? Why did you think of all of these horrible things?
