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Who cares if it is the norm or not? If you don't want kids yet, you don't want kids. I know plenty of people in their 20's with kids, plenty with no kids, and a few who swear they never want kids, EVER.
Honestly, your comments come across as really derogatory. Instead of saying "have kids" you purposely use the term "pop out babies" which makes women sound like baby making machines. Who cares if your parents made x amount of money...what does that have to do with your choice as an adult to decide you don't want kids right now? Yes, it's responsible to make sure you can financially support a child, but saying you "like making money" implies that anyone with a kid at your age can't properly support their kid because they are broke. Plenty of people in their 20s can comfortably support a child, even if they don't make a ton of money.
I love this post. You said most of the things I was thinking, but in a much nicer way than I was about to.
You know I almost always agree with you but you are wrong here. I didn't go back to look but didn't you say you got a degree, worked for 13 years, and had your kids in your late 30's? The OP is talking about people having babies early and with no education. how does that possibly refer to you?
I was responding to the whole thing that people who dsagree with the OP are "jealous" of her choices. I have nothing to be jealous of.
A lot of you keep talking about people finishing college and getting their degrees in their early 20s. This isn't what the OP is talking about. She's talking about people having children without an education.
I totally agree. People have children at a young age and make it work all the time, but can any of you honestly say that you'd encourage your kids or to start having children when they don't even have an education? Getting an education first and being stable before starting a family is just the smarter way to go.
Only 25% of adults in the US over the age of 25 have a college degree. Clearly there are more than just a few people without college degrees having children and making it work.
Only 25% of adults in the US over the age of 25 have a college degree. Clearly there are more than just a few people without college degrees having children and making it work.
This is a new economy. A household that only has one potential earner could be viewed as quite a risky move.
Also she might have meant an AA or trade school as "education".
The recession is bringing folks together, it's easier to get through life with two people than one....for some. Obviously not for you. So don't conform and don't feel left out, maybe marriage and children aren't for you or you haven't found that special person to experience the hardships of life.
And yes---it IS sad when someone could have done something with their life but they put themselves in a position where they were stuck with all the babies they had.
What is sad about raising children to adulthood?
Quote:
Originally Posted by BingCherry
.....I don't agree with people acting like I'M the one that's not normal for actually trying to educate myself and go further in life when I'm only 26 (actually 25 going on 26--but whatever).
I don't think there is one version of normal. There are many versions of normal that work for different people. You are perfectly normal for not wanting to have children right now. If it's not the right time for you then you really don't have to justify yourself to anyone else.
However, on the flip side nobody else should have to justify their life to you. Whatever makes someone happy is ok. Life is more interesting when there are variations in people. Live life. Enjoy your friends. Enjoy your life. Regardless of whether you are following the same path as your friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BingCherry
.....but I do get sick to death of people bothering me about getting married and popping out babies like all of us women are supposed to be baby factories. I'm not attracted to the SAHM lifestyle. Maybe one day I will be, but definitely not now.
This I can certainly understand. I got married at 22 but I was 28 when my first child was born. I definitely got irritated at people who thought that we should be reproducing immediately upon marriage. That wasn't what we wanted at that time. We eventually wanted children but on our timetable not on anyone else's timetable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BingCherry
If anything, I wonder if people are actually jealous of me because they push the whole baby and marriage thing so much and look at me funny when I say "No, I want to complete my education and at least have a down payment for a house..etc." I practically feel like they are pressuring me to be a f*** up like they were.
Let the riot continue lol.
Here's where people get upset with you. Why is someone a f***up just because they made a different choice than you did?
Do you honestly believe that ONLY your choices are valid?
For the last time, it's about people not understanding that it's ok for a 25 year old woman to have no immediate plans to get married or reproduce.
I think it's just fine for a 25 year old to have no immediate plans to reproduce. What's NOT ok is to tell other people that their decisions are not valid.
To the OP: I had a bit of your attitude in my 20's and probably felt this way a bit into my 30's. I am ashamed to admit that I felt a bit of disdain for the young mothers "popping" out babies and doing the whole stay-at-home thing. Our situation was slightly different where my husband and I were career military and very focused on our careers. I remember when one of my friends told me that she was pregnant at 24. I felt sorry for her and thought that she had ruined her career (she got out of the military).
As we entered into our 30's, my mindset really started changing. We had sown our wild oats and were ready to have a family. Unfortunately, infertility and then a bout with cancer and subsequent chemotherapy made this impossible. Life really can throw you a curve ball at times. The good news is that we managed to adopt two wonderful kids in our 40's and they are thriving and happy. I gave up a high paying job to stay at home with them while hubby is the bread earner. Being home with the kids, although not easy at times, was the best thing I did. I now tend to have much more empathy for folks. Who really cares when someone decides to have kids? As long as the kids are loved, the family can manage financially, more power to them. Happiness can be fleeting and it is important to do what makes you happy. There is no right or wrong answer in this crazy thing we call life.
Looking back now, I do kinda wished that we had kids when we were a bit younger (at least when we first started trying). But then again, our two wonderful kids wouldn't have come into our lives and I wouldn't trade them for anything. You have to do what is right for you. But I do urge you to be understanding of others choices. And under no circumstances, should you say anything to your friends about their life choices----I speak from experience.
I think it's just fine for a 25 year old to have no immediate plans to reproduce. What's NOT ok is to tell other people that their decisions are not valid.
Well you get into a slippery slope. For example if you are "popping" out kids and on any sort of welfare I'll tell you your decisions aren't valid.
Well you get into a slippery slope. For example if you are "popping" out kids and on any sort of welfare I'll tell you your decisions aren't valid.
I agree with this. Make whatever choices you want, as long as they don't involve my tax money!
I got knocked up at 20 and dropped out of school. However, I didn't take a cent of welfare (after all, I'm a Republican!). I didn't have another child until I was 30 and knew I was ready. I never did get my degree, but now I have two houses, travel, have a good career and savings.
I KNOW there were people out there like Bing that pitied/scorned me back when I was an eff-up.
I may have done the same in their shoes <--- that's the thought that haunts me.
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I love this post. You said most of the things I was thinking, but in a much nicer way than I was about to.
However, I didn't take a cent of welfare (after all, I'm a Republican!). I didn't have another child until I was 30 and knew I was ready. I never did get my degree, but now I have two houses, travel, have a good career and savings.
