Being a stay-at-home mother (pregnancy, children, get married, husband)
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Judging from your name, I can see that you felt offended. Where in the world did I show disdain? To be frank, I was just starting to wonder if this is the norm around the country or just my friends. Why would I show disdain for people who have kids when they can hardly afford them? I show disdain for people who have kids and abuse the welfare system. I feel sorrow for people who have kids and can't afford them. I just felt like...is it a fad or something?
"Just want to pop out babies and stay at home" is not normally laudatory phrasing. "Just" connotes a lesser choice-- a lack of ambition, if you will-- and "pop out babies" and "a fad" is not only casually dismissive but carries more than a simple note of disdain.
Were I a Dr Phil junkie I would suggest that your extreme antipathy might be masking envy. But (leaving aside for the moment whether or not even a stopped clock is right twice a day) I think Dr. Phil's an idiot.
Enough with the "disdain" everyone. I don't care if people want to pop out kids and be broke instead of waiting a couple of years. Yes, I DO feel sorry for them and I've received SEVERAL reputation points telling me they agree and feel the same way, so it's not like I'm picking on them. I can't help the way I feel. I mainly feel sorry for the women, because we live in an age where women have gained so many rights and have access to so many opportunities and once one has a baby it's like a race "Who will pop out one next?". It's just something I have observed and I cannot help but to notice it when people are asking me when I will get married and have babies. They have been asking me for a few years and I find it sad. Is that all they really feel there is to life? I've got more traveling and saving to do. If I won the lottery I would get married and have kids tomorrow, but it doesn't work t hat way so I'm doing my best to approach this path with LOGIC.
Thanks for everyone who realized that!
I do understand how annoying it can be to hear "when are you going to settle down/get married/have kids," particularly when you are in the middle of pursuing other goals. Everyone has their own path, whether it includes marriage and/or children or not, and I have no judgment in any direction. I chose to establish my career and have kids in my 30s because that's what works for me. I have friends who chose differently because that is what works for them.
I think people are responding to the pity/judgment you express for your friends in their 20s with children without what you seem to feel is financial stability. Just a thought, but I was finishing up grad school around your age too and my ideas about how marketable my skills would be and what our finances would look like is a lot different than the reality nearly a decade later. People can get laid off, you can have to take a lower paying gig to get the experience you need, emergencies and illnesses occur, etc. - the best logical planning in the world needs to take these things into account as well. Point being, you can do everything "right" according to your ideal plan and may find yourself, with some more life experience, a little less judgmental because you've had to live through the unpredictability of even the best laid plans. I do understand it's difficult to remain nonjudgmental of others' choices if you feel that your own choices are being negatively judged.
On a final note - one of the wonderful things about the strides in women's rights is that there is no one path that a woman needs to take - there can be just as much value in being a SAHM or a working mom or not being a mom at all, and pursuing whatever job or career or minimum wage income makes her happy. Just my two cents.
I totally "get" everyone who is saying it is their choice, it is great they have a choice, and that the OP is no better than they are. I get it. However, what happens when half of these friends end up divorced and have to maintain 2 houses and pay for day care because now mom has to go back to work, and neither of the parents has an education? Really, going to school first then having kids is a smarter choice. It just is. A lot of people go the route of the OP's friends, and that's fine, but they are setting themselves up for a more difficult life. Their choice, but not a smart choice IMO.
ETA I have a feeling that some young people feel entitled to a certain life style, and don't really think about where it is going to come from. They see their parents living a comfy life and just assume they will too. People don't want to have to work for things, they just want to have them. Not all young people, but some.
I totally "get" everyone who is saying it is their choice, it is great they have a choice, and that the OP is no better than they are. I get it. However, what happens when half of these friends end up divorced and have to maintain 2 houses and pay for day care because now mom has to go back to work, and neither of the parents has an education? Really, going to school first then having kids is a smarter choice. It just is. A lot of people go the route of the OP's friends, and that's fine, but they are setting themselves up for a more difficult life. Their choice, but not a smart choice IMO.
ETA I have a feeling that some young people feel entitled to a certain life style, and don't really think about where it is going to come from. They see their parents living a comfy life and just assume they will too. People don't want to have to work for things, they just want to have them. Not all young people, but some.
There are so many variables. I don't think we can say whether it's the "right" choice or not. Many good careers don't require a college degree, while we don't know that the OP is making a good decision getting a second degree at 26 and putting off work for several more years beyond that. I think, generally speaking, it IS a good idea to finish school first, then have kids, but on the age issue alone, the OP herself mentioned people having kids after 21; while her specific friends may not have finished college by that age, 21 or 22 is a fairly typical age to have completed a degree. Certainly many will have long completed one (plus perhaps a graduate degree) by age 26. Especially those from "upper middle class" backgrounds, which the OP says is where she's coming from.
There are so many variables. I don't think we can say whether it's the "right" choice or not. Many good careers don't require a college degree, while we don't know that the OP is making a good decision getting a second degree at 26 and putting off work for several more years beyond that. I think, generally speaking, it IS a good idea to finish school first, then have kids, but on the age issue alone, the OP herself mentioned people having kids after 21; while her specific friends may not have finished college by that age, 21 or 22 is a fairly typical age to have completed a degree. Certainly many will have long completed one (plus perhaps a graduate degree) by age 26. Especially those from "upper middle class" backgrounds, which the OP says is where she's coming from.
yes, definitely in many cases. But not the friends the OP is talking about.
The same reason you're getting your bachelors at 26 is the same reason they're having babies and wanting to stay home
I'm completing my Bachelor's to further my education and increase my career options. BTW, I have a nursing license and completed a nursing program, so I'm really not sure how that ties into my peers being on their 3rd kid.
I totally "get" everyone who is saying it is their choice, it is great they have a choice, and that the OP is no better than they are. I get it. However, what happens when half of these friends end up divorced and have to maintain 2 houses and pay for day care because now mom has to go back to work, and neither of the parents has an education? Really, going to school first then having kids is a smarter choice. It just is. A lot of people go the route of the OP's friends, and that's fine, but they are setting themselves up for a more difficult life. Their choice, but not a smart choice IMO.
ETA I have a feeling that some young people feel entitled to a certain life style, and don't really think about where it is going to come from. They see their parents living a comfy life and just assume they will too. People don't want to have to work for things, they just want to have them. Not all young people, but some.
I hear what you're saying and I agree that, all things being equal, it is more desirable to be somewhat stable before bringing kids into the world.
I guess my point was just that it's not a guarantee and pursuing a degree or an advanced degree may or may not lead to more financial stability (or at least not enough to justify the moral superiority tone the OP is using). Heck, none of my cousins went to college and they're all better off financially than those of us in the family who did! DH has a six figure income from a career where he worked his way up from the bottom through his intelligence and diligence without the assistance of a BA. Although stats suggest more education = better financial prospects, I have always wondered where the folks in lucrative trades (and those who are in traditional "post-college professions" but without the degree) are in that formula. I don't think you're saying this, but it annoys me to no end when people equate a degree with intelligence or ability - I've known too many idiots with advanced degrees and too many smart people without them to beleive it! Ok, rant done
I like your ETA - I agree that a lot of people want to have things without thinking about the work that goes into them. I don't have patience for that, either
A lot of you keep talking about people finishing college and getting their degrees in their early 20s. This isn't what the OP is talking about. She's talking about people having children without an education.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305
I totally "get" everyone who is saying it is their choice, it is great they have a choice, and that the OP is no better than they are. I get it. However, what happens when half of these friends end up divorced and have to maintain 2 houses and pay for day care because now mom has to go back to work, and neither of the parents has an education? Really, going to school first then having kids is a smarter choice. It just is. A lot of people go the route of the OP's friends, and that's fine, but they are setting themselves up for a more difficult life. Their choice, but not a smart choice IMO.
ETA I have a feeling that some young people feel entitled to a certain life style, and don't really think about where it is going to come from. They see their parents living a comfy life and just assume they will too. People don't want to have to work for things, they just want to have them. Not all young people, but some.
I totally agree. People have children at a young age and make it work all the time, but can any of you honestly say that you'd encourage your kids or to start having children when they don't even have an education? Getting an education first and being stable before starting a family is just the smarter way to go.
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Ok, rant done 