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It's perfectly acceptable to bring any father figure or male role model in for a "bring dad to school day". But in a day and age when its so commonplace for kids to not have an actually dad in their life, why not just call the day something more broad and encompassing
I dont think we ever had one of these days but I remember dreading Fathers Day when i was in elementary school. We would always have to make some kind of little project for our dads and my dad had just recently stopped seeing me anymore so it hurt having fathers day forced upon me. Another thing is that when youre young youre a lot more sensitive to your peers and although I would usually make my project for one of my uncles instead, it was embarrassing having my classmates ask why mine wasn't to my dad. When youre young you really want to fit in, and its just an unnecessary humiliation for some children, even if it doesnt seem like such an issue to adults.
If its so commonplace, then they shouldn't feel so excluded, as there are many in the same boat. By that reasoning, we should eliminate any mother activities, as not having a mother is less commonplace, so someone without a mother will certainly feel excluded. We should then just eliminate all outside involvement, no lunches with kids, no volunteering in classrooms, no chaperones, no library helpers, no classroom parties, no writing celebrations... because if a child doesn't have someone that can do that, they might feel bad. Should we take it into the community as well.... no boy scout leaders, no baseball coaches....as a matter of fact, you shouldn't be able to be a spectator at these events, as some children won't have one.
PTA here in our state came up with this idea to get more dads involved.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick
I think that is exactly the reason why they have events like this, to get the father's more involved. There are always situations where kids are going to be excluded based on family structure, or something else.
If its so commonplace, then they shouldn't feel so excluded, as there are many in the same boat. By that reasoning, we should eliminate any mother activities, as not having a mother is less commonplace, so someone without a mother will certainly feel excluded. We should then just eliminate all outside involvement, no lunches with kids, no volunteering in classrooms, no chaperones, no library helpers, no classroom parties, no writing celebrations... because if a child doesn't have someone that can do that, they might feel bad. Should we take it into the community as well.... no boy scout leaders, no baseball coaches....as a matter of fact, you shouldn't be able to be a spectator at these events, as some children won't have one.
So if your child/ren suddenly has no father you will display the same compassion as you have shown for these other kids who have no dad? Your other over the top examples aren't the same thing at all, because those things don't specify mom or dad exclusively they are for anyone.
So if your child/ren suddenly has no father you will display the same compassion as you have shown for these other kids who have no dad? Your other over the top examples aren't the same thing at all, because those things don't specify mom or dad exclusively they are for anyone.
I not only have compassion for children without fathers, I lived it. Sure it was sad, but it was life. I can't imagine society having to alter itself to accomodate my specific circumstances, nor my children's. We might skip that day, or invite a family member, or think of something else to get them through that, but certainly not expect other people's life to alter because mine has.
There will always be a child without a dad, or a mom, or an allergy, or lack of athletic ability, or not celebrating the popular holiday, etc, etc. And there will be the parent that wants the whole world to STOP, and not do as the majority does, rather than adapt and find an individual solution for them.
I not only have compassion for children without fathers, I lived it. Sure it was sad, but it was life. I can't imagine society having to alter itself to accomodate my specific circumstances, nor my children's. We might skip that day, or invite a family member, or think of something else to get them through that, but certainly not expect other people's life to alter because mine has.
There will always be a child without a dad, or a mom, or an allergy, or lack of athletic ability, or not celebrating the popular holiday, etc, etc. And there will be the parent that wants the whole world to STOP, and not do as the majority does, rather than adapt and find an individual solution for them.
Who says the world has to stop? I don't see anyone asking that. Simply changing the name is what was asked. Who is being hurt by the name of these events being changed? I can't think of anyone, but I can think of quite a few by leaving it the same.
I do not know if our schools have this day or not. If I have ever gone to one I do not remember it. I am a pretty dedicated Dad, and if my kids need me, or it is something special, I will be there for them. However I am not likely to take a day off of work, at a substantial cost to our family so one of my kids can avoid feeling "different." if it is convenient and practical for me to attend something like that I might go, but if I am busy, what is the point of this day? If one of my kids is singing, speaking, performing getting an award; if the school needs people to put up a fence, clean up the woods, build a platform; if some benefit can come from my being there, I will be there. However to go into the school to be a show and tell object. . . no thank you. What for? Is this so my kid can say "my dad makes more money than your dad" or I have a cooler dad than you do?" What is the point? If we have such days in our schools and if any of m kids ever cared that I was not there, they never said anything to me about it. I really think that you are giving this more importance than it really holds.
Men like to accomplish things. If the PTA wants to get men more involved, give them something meaningful to do. Standing on display, or sitting in an audience wondering whether your kid will even know you are there is irritating. We want to do something. If there is a need at the school, point us and let go and it will get done. That is how men are.
Our kids are already different. We are dedicated Christians and that usually made them "different," especially when we lived in Calfiornia. We do not allow swearing in our house. We do not smoke or drink (much). We do not wear name brands. We almost never buy new cars. I do not own a watch, nor any jewelry except my wedding ring and a set of cuff links for my Tuxedo. If I went to school, it was often as a clown or magician for a fair or something and my multi colored wig, giant shoes, and big red nose certainly made me "different' from other kids dads. If that mortified my kids and made them embarrassed, they either got over it, or kept it to themselves.
We do not do the same sorts of things as a "typical" family in our community. We are "different" in a lot of ways and we are glad. Our kids do not seem to live horrible lives because of our lack of conformity. While it is beneficial to have a male role model intensely involved in raising a child, the absence of one is not something to be embarrassed about or ashamed of. You may care a lot more about this than your child does. Are you sure that this is not more your concern about your family image than your child's?
I do not know if our schools have this day or not. If I have ever gone to one I do not remember it. I am a pretty dedicated Dad, and if my kids need me, or it is something special, I will be there for them. However I am not likely to take a day off of work, at a substantial cost to our family so one of my kids can avoid feeling "different." if it is convenient and practical for me to attend something like that I might go, but if I am busy, what is the point of this day? If one of my kids is singing, speaking, performing getting an award; if the school needs people to put up a fence, clean up the woods, build a platform; if some benefit can come from my being there, I will be there. However to go into the school to be a show and tell object. . . no thank you. What for? Is this so my kid can say "my dad makes more money than your dad" or I have a cooler dad than you do?" What is the point? If we have such days in our schools and if any of m kids ever cared that I was not there, they never said anything to me about it. I really think that you are giving this more importance than it really holds.
Men like to accomplish things. If the PTA wants to get men more involved, give them something meaningful to do. Standing on display, or sitting in an audience wondering whether your kid will even know you are there is irritating. We want to do something. If there is a need at the school, point us and let go and it will get done. That is how men are.
Our kids are already different. We are dedicated Christians and that usually made them "different," especially when we lived in Calfiornia. We do not allow swearing in our house. We do not smoke or drink (much). We do not wear name brands. We almost never buy new cars. I do not own a watch, nor any jewelry except my wedding ring and a set of cuff links for my Tuxedo. If I went to school, it was often as a clown or magician for a fair or something and my multi colored wig, giant shoes, and big red nose certainly made me "different' from other kids dads. If that mortified my kids and made them embarrassed, they either got over it, or kept it to themselves.
We do not do the same sorts of things as a "typical" family in our community. We are "different" in a lot of ways and we are glad. Our kids do not seem to live horrible lives because of our lack of conformity. While it is beneficial to have a male role model intensely involved in raising a child, the absence of one is not something to be embarrassed about or ashamed of. You may care a lot more about this than your child does. Are you sure that this is not more your concern about your family image than your child's?
While you may be addressing this to the OP, I will answer your last question from my perspective. It's not about being ashamed or embarrassed, it is about that pain that smacks you and your child in the face and brings up reminders of what you used to have and don't anymore. Young children especially, are very literal. If you say it is Dads with Donuts Day, then they expect their dad to be there. If dad can't make it because he's at work and can't take the time off, they may be bummed but they will get over when they see dad later that night and they do all the things they normally do with dad. The kid without a dad doesn't have that luxury.
My children have two parents, that are married, were married when they were born and are their natural parents. Yet, because some don't have those, we have "Donuts with Dudes" and "Donuts with Divas"... stupid. My kids don't have grandparents in the area, but they still have a "Grandparents Day" - of course, I have better things to do with my time than protest other children's ability to enjoy a day with their Grammy. My kids feel sad on those days. So, should they call it "Older People Day" instead? I think so. Their Grammy died last spring - I think I should SUE!
My kids shouldn't have to learn that others have something or someone in their life that they don't! I protest! I want my kids to grow up believing that life is always fair and we should all have everything the same!
Some kid's parents die when they're young - does that mean those children should be kept away from TV, internet, music, magazines and books? Many of those things mention moms and dads.
Maybe everything should be rewritten, like our "Muffins with Moms" flyer so some kid whose mom lost custody won't feel sad. Now, instead of saying, "Jane and her mom went for a picnic" it can say, "Jane and a Diva went for a picnic" and the kids will be dumb enough to not feel sad that they don't see their mom anymore. Genius!
People really need to grow up. Life isn't fair. Get a helmet. If you want your kids to have a mom and a dad, provide them - make better decisions BEFORE procreating - parenting starts before conception, IMO.
Our school just avoids this whole scenario by having a 'parents' day.
Dads that want to be involved ~ are involved. There are plenty that help with cook-outs; sports; reading to the kids. . . . whatever.
I remember our church used to have a "Mother/Daughter' tea (which my group was responsible for). I finally quit helping because I don't have a daughter and it was too much work for me not to be able to participate. Then, my friend got mad because he's a Dad and felt excluded. Well, not really MAD, but I know it used to frustrate him. They finally broadened the whole thing (parent/child tea); I can't remember but I know they widened the nets to be more inclusive of the church population.
I didn't make a big deal about it; I just found a different project to work on where my son could be involved as well.
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