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Sometimes we have to give our kids a dose of "tough love" for their own "good!" I'm glad that my parents decided not to spoil me (too much) when I was growing-up...Life can sure be full of ups and downs at times. It really can be the "survival of the fittest!" And there are some things our parents just can't "protect us from" or "prevent!" I think we all need to learn how to be "survivors" in our own "right!"
That is so true.
I come from a family of ten kids and we were raised on a truck drivers pay and on a farm. You got what you needed and for X-mas and your birthday it was the same (for the most part). Anything outside that, you worked your tail off for it and knew that you had better take care of it.
Ain't that the truth. As an example: When I was growing up my siblings and I were each given, at the start of the school year, one umbrella, one pair of rain boots, one raincoat. Unless you grew out of the boots and the coat you couldn't expect new ones if the old ones were lost. And if the boots were at the bottom of a pile of junk in your bedroom the day the El Nino rains hit and you couldn't find them... too bad. And complaining wasn't allowed.
(My parents were REAL big on personal responsibility.)
I'm not an indulgent parent by any means. But I don't think I want my son driving around in a $100 car. What about safety?
He'll probably get my 10 year-old wagon or, if he's lucky, my husband's 14 year-old Camry.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EarthBound?
No your right, these days the cars sell for $100 more when they are second hand. And out here in the country the cars are well use and not replaced every year.
Wait till they leave home and go to college, that'll change. LOL
Well that settles it then. She doesn't want all of YOUR crap moved back into HER house, just so you can park your car in there. Like Julia and Maciesmom said, clearly she doesn't want you getting too comfortable there. You know the old saying, "Time to move out while you know it all!"
You do know I am moving out in January right? We picked a later move in date to be able to save up more money.
Anyways, you do know I have to move things in from the garage and up from the basement to consolidate what all I am taking from my stuff this time. I definitely will not be taking it all again, that was a mistake, old sentimental stuff will be left, things I use frequently will be taken. Yearbooks, things I haven't used in years but have sentimental value, stuff like that.
Either way it all has to come inside so I can go through it and repack things I am taking.
....and your mom's okay with you simply leaving what you don't want to be bothered with? Hey, as long as everything's fine with your mom, it's all good, right? If she'd rather you got all of your stuff out of her space, well...then that's a different story. No parent is obligated to take care of thier grown child's stuff. They're not a free "storage unit". I mean, some parents have plenty of room and don't mind, some parents, not so much.
Hubby and I bought the family home from his mother. Before we could even move any of our stuff in to the place, we had to haul off 13 truckloads of trash...garbage and broken down, worn out crap that his siblings had stored or left here....when they'd move to a new place, they'd simply come and pick through, taking what they "wanted to use right away".
That left about 12 truckloads of others' belongings that was not DUMP-worthy, but people, much like yourself, didn't want to take with them, "right now". Funny, for years, I'd thought my MIL was just a horrible housekeeper. Turns out, 99% of the stuff in her home, closets, storage rooms, storage buildings, etc., were simply things that her 11 children couldn't be bothered to get out of her space. The woman had NO place to put her own things. People were constantly coming to her home, dragging out their boxes and going through them and leaving a horrid mess. Ahhhhh I've learned a whole lot from my MIL AND her mistakes.
I can relate...I didn't want to impose on my parents by leaving boxes of stuff at their house. I didn't want to view them as a "storage unit" in other words. I thought it was best to make a "clean break" so they could move on with their life and I could too. It was good for me to have to decide what to do with my things and take responsibility for my own stuff as a full-grown adult...My Mom's youngest sister (and her husband) always stored a lot of their belongings at my parent's house. (They lived in apartments and felt my parents shouldn't mind if they stored boxes in their garage or extra rooms etc.) My parents were "too nice" to "say no" to them. But they did feel annoyed with all the extra stuff at times...I think it all boils down to developing stronger boundaries. What belongs to me? And what belongs to someone else? When we reach adulthood we can't expect our parents to live in "limbo" when they deserve to move on a little bit and develop a life of their own. (Apart from just "being there" for us non-stop.) This is how I felt anyway.
I can relate...I didn't want to impose on my parents by leaving boxes of stuff at their house. I didn't want to view them as a "storage unit" in other words. I thought it was best to make a "clean break" so they could move on with their life and I could too. It was good for me to have to decide what to do with my things and take responsibility for my own stuff as a full-grown adult...My Mom's youngest sister (and her husband) always stored a lot of their belongings at my parent's house. (They lived in apartments and felt my parents shouldn't mind if they stored boxes in their garage or extra rooms etc.) My parents were "too nice" to "say no" to them. But they did feel annoyed with all the extra stuff at times...I think it all boils down to developing stronger boundaries. What belongs to me? And what belongs to someone else? When we reach adulthood we can't expect our parents to live in "limbo" when they deserve to move on a little bit and develop a life of their own. (Apart from just "being there" for us non-stop.) This is how I felt anyway.
I always felt the same way, CA. Also, I didn't expect my parents to have to work around or lose their space because of my selfishness. I feel like, if you don't have enough room for your stuff, where you live, you need to get rid of your excess....OR break lose with the money for a storage unit!
If you're going to leave your things at your parents' home, when you move out, you should pay them what you would pay for a storage unit. Why should they house it for free. Another reason I would never have stored my stuff at my parents' house, is that I wanted "anytime access" to my belongings. I didn't expect them to give me a key to THEIR house, so that I could get to my things if they weren't home.
Some people "expect" so much from their parents. I have entirely too much pride and self-respect to use my family that way. Incidentally, after 2 years of trying to get family to come and go through boxes and get their things, hubby finally said, "I am hauling all of the crap out by the road. If anyone has anything here, you need to come go through the boxes." This was after a rumor got started, that we wouldn't LET anyone get thier things. The problem was, we wouldn't leave the shop unlocked (where OUR expensive tools AND their "stuff" was stored), so that they could come over when we were gone. Um....noooo!
Yeah...it's always better to be responsible for and pay storage for, your own things. If you are truly "independent", you should behave as such.
....and your mom's okay with you simply leaving what you don't want to be bothered with? Hey, as long as everything's fine with your mom, it's all good, right? If she'd rather you got all of your stuff out of her space, well...then that's a different story. No parent is obligated to take care of thier grown child's stuff. They're not a free "storage unit". I mean, some parents have plenty of room and don't mind, some parents, not so much.
Hubby and I bought the family home from his mother. Before we could even move any of our stuff in to the place, we had to haul off 13 truckloads of trash...garbage and broken down, worn out crap that his siblings had stored or left here....when they'd move to a new place, they'd simply come and pick through, taking what they "wanted to use right away".
That left about 12 truckloads of others' belongings that was not DUMP-worthy, but people, much like yourself, didn't want to take with them, "right now". Funny, for years, I'd thought my MIL was just a horrible housekeeper. Turns out, 99% of the stuff in her home, closets, storage rooms, storage buildings, etc., were simply things that her 11 children couldn't be bothered to get out of her space. The woman had NO place to put her own things. People were constantly coming to her home, dragging out their boxes and going through them and leaving a horrid mess. Ahhhhh I've learned a whole lot from my MIL AND her mistakes.
Its not a lot of stuff.
I'm leaving things like year books, things I have no room for in apartment.
I have set of cousins that are now ages 32-40 that answer this question. They grew up with mom and dad making a very decent salary working blue collar jobs. They grew up with mom and dad not only buying them every "toy" they could imagine (cars, ATVs, latest and greatest items of the time), but mom and dad also bailed them out of every pickle without hesitation. If they wrecked their car, they got a new one. If they got into trouble with authority, mom and dad made sure they had paid for representation. If they needed a credit card, mom and dad supplied it.
Fast forward into adulthood for all 4 of these individuals:
1. The oldest went into the military after failing out of a big, out of state university. Mom and dad foot the bill for school (and living expenses, and motorcycle, and wrecked motorcycle...). Once he went into the military, he became self sufficient and responsible for his own life. Miliarty was the best thing that could have happened for him.
2. Second oldest was (is) a pot head that talked thim into opening a business for him. They put their own property on the line for his success, all $250,000 of it, and he promptly closed shop because he was spending more time smoking it up in the back room than actually running the business. I think the business was open for maybe 3 months. They are still paying off that debt because they put their property up for collateral. This child also had a butt load of legal issues with child custody, and they also foot that bill. Up until recently, this child lived rent free (as an adult) with Mom and dad for 7 years.
3. Third was the rebellous child and moved out at 16. Had a job, had 2 kids, and then it all went to H*** in a handbasket. Divorce, child support and legal issues. Mom and dad pulled a lot of money out of they retirement to solve her problems - they will never be paid back, and she's moved on with her life. Meanwhile, Mom and dad took over housing her oldest child, and that child (also expecting them to give him everything) turned them in to CPS because he had (GASP!) chores to do to earn his keep. A year and half legal battle later, he's now 18 and on his own, they are still licking their wounds.
4. The baby of the family started out with her own credit cards and cars. She got everything she wanted, and was the wild child. As a teenager, stole the family car and took off for FL (from MI). Wrecked car, stranded in FL, and then got mixed up with the police down there. Fast forward... She talked Dad into buying a flip house right when the MI housing market started going downhill in 2006. The flip house purchased for a bargain price actually needed well over $50,000 in repairs. Once done, they couldn't sell for what they had invested, and are barely keeping paying tenants in it. The money came out of retirement, and the monthly income only covers half of the investment made. Of course, the money was all of Mom and Dad's, child had no money of her own invested and she walked out of the deal once the repair bills started piling up.
Sum it all up.... 4 children giving everything while growing up, continue to expect everything into adulthood. Mom and dad have not only lost literally thousands invested, but have now lost their retirement fund and any flickering light at the end of the tunnel. Mom and dad are barely making the bills every month while each child is off doing their own thing without even a glimpse of a care toward Mom and Dad's financial struggle.
Meanwhile, if life throws blows 3 of these 4, such as job loss, they are the "victums" of the situation. They expect life to be butterflies and rainbows, and life (neighbors, boss, insert villian) is out to get them when things don't go right.
No - My child won't get everything he wants. Even if he is the last kid in his generation without the latest technology, or the last kid in his generation that respects adults, elders and authority. Making a child earn what he/she gets is an important part of life and gets them ready for moving into adulthood. Afterall, isn't that what adults do when they go to work every day?
Do my anecdotal experiences of close relatives whose parents bought them cars, let them live at home, not kicking them out, etc resulting in well adjusted, responsible adults trump your experience?
Some parents want their kids (and other relatives) to reflect their supposed "status" in life. My uncle and his wife became this way when they moved "high up the ladder." They insisted on helping their (librarian) daughter and her (telephone lineman) husband move into a home in an exclusive area of So. CA. (The couple lived in a condo in a modest area of town at the time.)...My aunt and uncle wanted all of their kids to reflect their "super-star image." (Whether the kids liked it or not!)...I ran into some of this when my older son married into a "status-seeking family." My Dad had Alzheimers at the time and he was in a modest (but caring) nursing home in his longtime hometown. (And he seemed happy there!)...One day my son called me up and said that his MIL wanted me to put my Dad in an expensive and pricey nursing home in her affluent area...My son's MIL barely knew my Dad and never bothered to come and visit him. But obviously her image was at stake because my son was connected to her daughter through marriage. My son's MIL and her husband wanted everyone in their "world" to reflect their "upper crust image."....I told my son that my Dad was happy staying in his hometown and he was getting good care. Why would I want to move him? My Dad had never been into "status stuff."
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