Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I had no idea she was that far along. I thought she was still in the first trimester. Yeah that is very hard. I gave birth to my first daughter at 27 weeks and she lived for 3 weeks 2 days. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through and to this day I cry. I was only 17 at the time so of course I wasnt ready but it was the hardest thing I ever went through. She's my angel in heaven.
I think Michelle really needs to stop. This is effecting more than just her. Her family will mourn the loss of this child and any future child she loses god forbid. SMH. Brought tears on thinking of the memory.
There is middle ground. Like having a cremation or a burial and a service for the family. Who said it has to be either a funeral for hundreds with photos or the medical waste bin?
I was going to say who said you have the right to say what is the right thing for each family to do IRT miscarried babies.
But I know, I know. They have a TV show so that gives you the right. But I will caution you that many women, some on this very board, have suffered miscarriages and I don't think you, I or anyone else has the right to say what is the "right" way to mourn.
No, what I want to believe is just as valid as what they want to believe.
I did make a point, very clearly, of saying my post was MY PERSONAL FEELING. I have been through a miscarriage, at 12 weeks, and yes, the baby did - to be very blunt - end up in the medical waste trash. Because that's how it ended. So if it's alright by you, I don't like to think of it as an "actual baby" like the one I have now, because the comparison is enough to drive one nuts.
And I don't think I'm alone in that. For people that go through it multiple times, it would be too much to bear. I also clarified that a miscarriage further along could be a different matter, but I don't personally know.
I think there's a reason we don't, as a rule, mourn the loss of a pregnancy the way we do a child.
You are free to mourn anyway you choose.
Yes there is. Because people are uncomfortable with the idea of a malformed/unformed human being. They are uncomfortable and horrified enough with the death of a live, birthed child let alone that of one that hasn't ever had a breath of air. Because of other people's discomfort, many women keep their grief to themselves. They are told that their baby wasn't "really real" and that they should be grateful it happened when it did & not when it was a "real" baby.
I was going to say who said you have the right to say what is the right thing for each family to do IRT miscarried babies.
But I know, I know. They have a TV show so that gives you the right. But I will caution you that many women, some on this very board, have suffered miscarriages and I don't think you, I or anyone else has the right to say what is the "right" way to mourn.
Be careful what you say.
I agree Mags. Not to speak for rkb, but if I may, I don't think it's that we're trying to say what's the "right" way to mourn. You are completely correct that that's an individual decision.
My post was in response (and rkb's as a follow on) to the idea in a previous post that because Michelle Duggar had a large memorial service and that the photos of her with the baby were up during it (I know it was TMZ that leaked them, but they all knew that was going to happen) - and that that would somehow remind women that their miscarriages were "actual babies".
As if they don't know that already, but for their own reasons and sanity acknowledge that or not in their own way. It doesn't mean they don't have feelings.
The Duggars aren't responsible for the way people feel, nevertheless I do think that that picture may stir up some awful emotions for some. But yes, they had the right to do it. Doesn't jibe with me, and as throughout this thread, my responses are basically my gut reaction to the whole thing. Not trying to say it's the right one, just mine.
Yes there is. Because people are uncomfortable with the idea of a malformed/unformed human being. They are uncomfortable and horrified enough with the death of a live, birthed child let alone that of one that hasn't ever had a breath of air. Because of other people's discomfort, many women keep their grief to themselves. They are told that their baby wasn't "really real" and that they should be grateful it happened when it did & not when it was a "real" baby.
That attitude needs to change. Pronto Squanto.
Well, for some, perhaps. If that's how they feel, then by all means that should be acknowledged.
But my experience (which is all I'm speaking from) is that my miscarriage really wasn't a "real" baby yet. I don't want it to be different. And just in my eyes, honestly, losing that baby is nothing like what it would be like if I lost the child I have now.
Nothing like it at all.
And as I said, I think there's a reason why a lot of people feel that way. Probably lots of reasons, actually. Most people can go on after a miscarriage in a way that they can't after they lose a child. And seeing as many more people lose a pregnancy than lose children, I think that's probably a good thing, in the scheme of things.
I don't really think it's an issue of discomfort, I think it's an issue of survival. And I heartily acknowledge that not all people feel this way.
I had no idea she was that far along. I thought she was still in the first trimester. Yeah that is very hard. I gave birth to my first daughter at 27 weeks and she lived for 3 weeks 2 days. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through and to this day I cry. I was only 17 at the time so of course I wasnt ready but it was the hardest thing I ever went through. She's my angel in heaven.
I think Michelle really needs to stop. This is effecting more than just her. Her family will mourn the loss of this child and any future child she loses god forbid. SMH. Brought tears on thinking of the memory.
I was going to say who said you have the right to say what is the right thing for each family to do IRT miscarried babies.
But I know, I know. They have a TV show so that gives you the right. But I will caution you that many women, some on this very board, have suffered miscarriages and I don't think you, I or anyone else has the right to say what is the "right" way to mourn.
Be careful what you say.
I wasn't trying to say what is "right", only that there is a spectrum of different ways to mourn, not only the 2 that were mentioned, the 2 extremes.
And I was not trying to minimize what the Duggar's and others (my mom and sister included) have gone through, but to compare it to what Ohio, for one, went through, losing a baby weeks after birth is just not possible for me. They aren't the same thing.
Well, for some, perhaps. If that's how they feel, then by all means that should be acknowledged.
But my experience (which is all I'm speaking from) is that my miscarriage really wasn't a "real" baby yet. I don't want it to be different. And just in my eyes, honestly, losing that baby is nothing like what it would be like if I lost the child I have now.
Nothing like it at all.
And as I said, I think there's a reason why a lot of people feel that way. Probably lots of reasons, actually. Most people can go on after a miscarriage in a way that they can't after they lose a child. And seeing as many more people lose a pregnancy than lose children, I think that's probably a good thing, in the scheme of things.
I don't really think it's an issue of discomfort, I think it's an issue of survival. And I heartily acknowledge that not all people feel this way.
That's the thing, though. To you it wasn't a "real baby." To many people, it's just the same thing as a baby who made it. I know of many people who have had miscarriages who regard those babies as just the same as the ones who didn't die in the womb. She feels as though it's a "real baby," so she had what she would normally have for a child who died.
That's the thing, though. To you it wasn't a "real baby." To many people, it's just the same thing as a baby who made it. I know of many people who have had miscarriages who regard those babies as just the same as the ones who didn't die in the womb. She feels as though it's a "real baby," so she had what she would normally have for a child who died.
I used the term real baby in response to someone who'd used it in a post I was responding to. And I put real in quotations to show it. I wouldn't have used that term otherwise.
And by that, I mean FOR ME, personally, that I don't feel the same way about that baby as I do about the child I had that went to term and was born. I don't. Sorry if that makes me seem cold to people, I'm just telling the truth. I would mourn the loss of this child to the point where I may never function again, whereas after a miscarriage I was able to move on. I acknowledged other people might feel differently.
And I didn't say anywhere that she shouldn't feel how she does.
In this thread, it's very important to take my posts in context, and to relate them to the post I responded to.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
