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THIS is why so many families have drama when kids get married and a daughter- or son-in-law enters the picture.
Immature Mamas and Daddies who can't believe they aren't the boss anymore won't move over and let their kids grow up and be the bosses of their own lives.
Go back and read the Kahlil Gibran poem you posted earlier. That's kind of what this is about.
This may seem obvious, but I never thought about it before . . .
When you get married and have kids, you think of that unit as your "family," and it goes into first position . . . (for the people I know).
But the funny thing is that the concept is progressive . . .so those kids that you think of as your "family," will probably relegate you to second position "family" when they have their own.
Just saying.
So we were being judged on our answers? I thought you were "just saying."
If you look at it as being downgraded, then you will have problems when it happens.
Because it is a natural social progression in a family structure.
As I said in the OP, I never thought about it before. There is no point belaboring the issue with people who are in their prime or in number one family position because you couldn't possibly understand the dynamic. I wouldn't have been able to either - I know that - because, as I said, when you are in the power and control position you cannot fathom that you could be relegated to anything else . . .
If I thought anything, I thought "elders" would be revered and respected. Boy was I wrong about that one.
As I said in the OP, I never thought about it before. There is no point belaboring the issue with people who are in their prime or in number one family position because you couldn't possibly understand the dynamic. I wouldn't have been able to either - I know that - because, as I said, when you are in the power and control position you cannot fathom that you could be relegated to anything else . . .
If I thought anything, I thought "elders" would be revered and respected. Boy was I wrong about that one.
Let's just say you don't get it . . .it's not a conscious thing . . .when you have young children, you are in charge of them and you can control them. It's just a fact - not a "should" or "shouldn't be."
Let's just say you don't get it . . .it's not a conscious thing . . .when you have young children, you are in charge of them and you can control them. It's just a fact - not a "should" or "shouldn't be."
It's a default position.
No, I don't get it. I don't have any delusions that I'm going to control my kids into adulthood. You say you never thought about it, but I have. As I look at my relationship with my parents and my in-laws, I picture me being the MIL. I consider experiences that have been posted on this board. I think about what I will and won't do, and what kind of mother and MIL I want to be. Even though I have actually put some thought into it, I do think it goes without saying. It is a given that our kids will grow up and most likely marry and have another half of the family to spend time with. They will have their own homes and own schedules and own lives.
I may eat my words in 20 years, but I think I have fairly realistic expectations.
My ex and I told our children to always put the needs/wants/desires of their SO's and/or children before us.
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