Wife and Mama Drama how to handle- Need advice.

[lkb0714]

Originally Posted by Kibbiekat

this may be over simplifying it, but the way I see it, you are going to visit your parents and you are taking your daughter. Your wife can choose to go, or choose not to go. She will have to decide what is more important - being there to over see the visit, or holding a grudge against your mom.

I second this completely.

If the issue is making sure your child know your parents than this fixes it completely.

If the issue is making your wife and mother get along that is a separate issue.

[lkb0714]

Originally Posted by ProjectMan12

"Why exactly did she want her Mother there while your Mother came? Why weren't one of you going to be there? This is confusing."

I was working- had to that day. My mom was going to come in on a Friday my wife was going to be at home with my mom and then my wife had a meeting. My wife works part time my MIL watches our daughter a few days a week. So the MIL was going to come over and I guess help at the request of my wife. I asked "why?". My wife said our child felt comfortable with MIL and has only seen my mom a few times in her life. The visit never happened after my wife and mom had a fight over the phone.

They don't smoke in their home- it just smells like ashtray.

I disagree with most people. If your child barely knows your mom this sounds completely reasonable.

[theatergypsy]

Originally Posted by lkb0714

I disagree with most people. If your child barely knows your mom this sounds completely reasonable.

And I disagree with this. I was still working and raising my youngest son so I didn't spend a lot of time with my older son's daughter of 2 and 1/2. Her other Grandmother, who lived with them, was certainly more familiar than I. But her other Grandmother, sadly, passed away, and I was called upon to take care of the child during the arrangements, viewing, funeral etc. She wasn't traumatized by the experience and neither was I.

[Kibbiekat]

Originally Posted by lkb0714

I disagree with most people. If your child barely knows your mom this sounds completely reasonable.

After the OP explained a little more, it doesn't sound unreasonable, but given the history between the grandma and the mom, I think it rubs salt in the visiting grandma's wound. Local grandma gets to see the child all the time. The one short visit the other grandma gets, and local grandma has to be involved? How will this child ever get used to a babysitter or day care provider? Will grandma have to be present for all of those? It seems unnecessary.

[PeachyMJ]

I think you need to grow a pair, sit down with your wife, let her know that your mother needs to be in your child's life whether she (your wife) wants her to or not. Your mother raised you and apparently did a pretty good job of it. Surely she can take care of your child for a few hours, etc. Let this go and you'll lose every battle for the rest of your marriage.

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by PeachyMJ

I think you need to grow a pair, sit down with your wife, let her know that your mother needs to be in your child's life whether she (your wife) wants her to or not. Your mother raised you and apparently did a pretty good job of it. Surely she can take care of your child for a few hours, etc. Let this go and you'll lose every battle for the rest of your marriage.

I agree completely.

[~HecateWhisperCat~]

Originally Posted by PeachyMJ

I think you need to grow a pair, sit down with your wife, let her know that your mother needs to be in your child's life whether she (your wife) wants her to or not. Your mother raised you and apparently did a pretty good job of it. Surely she can take care of your child for a few hours, etc. Let this go and you'll lose every battle for the rest of your marriage.

Yeah well that's not going to do anything more than make things worse. Since this guy is not posting anymore we will never know what the drama is between both of them. Chances are mom and wife both are playing a part, and are equally petty in this issue.

[PoppySead]

Originally Posted by lkb0714

I disagree with most people. If your child barely knows your mom this sounds completely reasonable.

I agree, I wouldn't expect the 2 years old to be happy and playful left with someone the child sees as a stranger on the first day. You might know her but the child doesn't, but should. That will always be hard with them out of state, the child will always feel a little weird with the gma that lives far away and she sees very little.

Also, this depends on your child's disposition. Is she fussy? Needs her mom? Or does she adjust well to others quickly?
Would your mom call the child a brat if she was pouty and afraid of her at first? Or would she be understanding and helpful.
Is your mom a smart ass about things that are personal? Would your mom blame your wife's mothering skills if the baby wasn't reacting to her like she wanted?
Also, I agree there is something wrong with you if you still don't know what your mom and wife are upset about. You are either lying or really not that close to your wife and that may be the problem.
Do you let your mom walk all over your wife because you are afraid to get involved? You seem afraid of your mom and her willful behavior, that might be why you married another version of your mother.

Other wise what mom in her right mind wouldn't like a break from a 2 year old. I think there is way, way more to this story.
If your mom is rude to your wife, it's you who needs to step in and have a talk with your mom. Not just shrug your shoulders and say, oh well, she's a straight talker honey, your on your own. You don't allow your wife to be polite, you force her to brawl with your mom. Man up dude. Seriously.

You could have stopped this a long time ago. You should have been clear with your mom that you are married now, and she needs to watch her mouth. It sounds like you just told your mom, IDK mom, she runs this ship now.

So, now you have a mom who thinks she needs to pick up what you can't do, and she's use to that. And a wife who feels the same. This is your fault. You need to fix it.
The minute your mom says something rude you need to say, hey mom, that's rude please don't do that around us. "I don't like it". Not, 'my wife will get made at you."
Until your child gets older they need to visit you, it's expensive and exhausting to go there. They don't have the little one, you do. They can travel light.

Plan a time when you are all off work for a bit. All hang out together and nip that strong woman bs attitude in the bud, on both ends. Although I have a feeling if you man up with your mom your wife won't act that way anymore. It doesn't seem that she likes being the man in the relationship, that's part of her problem. She is trying to fix what you can't and it's uncomfortable and she is mad at you for it.

This is all my opinion of course but it seems odd you have so little to say when it comes to your mom or wife.