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Wow, talk about taking your family business to the town square. Do you think this is an appropriate form of discipline? I can see, maybe, if the infraction occurred on Facebook, but that would not appear to be the case here. Very humiliating and almost bullying rather than discipline in my opinion.
Quote:
"I do not know how to keep my [mouth shut]. I am no longer allowed on Facebook or my phone. Please ask why." Those are the words written across a Facebook photo of one Ohio teen, who's featured with a red "X" across her mouth. Denise Abbott said her 13-year-old daughter, Ava, was being disrespectful, so she took to the social networking site, which Ava often frequents, to make a point.
"I decided to do something that I know would totally impact her, and that the next time she started that, she'd think 'I don't want my face all over Facebook again with a red 'X' over my mouth'.
I am not a fan of public shaming as a discipline strategy. In other recently publicized cases, at least the child had been inappropriate on fb first (regardless if one agrees with using social media to punish, one could argue that the punishment matched up with the "crime"), but this use of fb to discipline seems more arbitrary/not related to the "crime." To each their own, but I can't see myself taking private conflict into public spaces.
I am not a fan of public shaming as a discipline strategy. In other recently publicized cases, at least the child had been inappropriate on fb first (regardless if one agrees with using social media to punish, one could argue that the punishment matched up with the "crime"), but this use of fb to discipline seems more arbitrary/not related to the "crime." To each their own, but I can't see myself taking private conflict into public spaces.
There are many other cases of public shaming not using social media, and I don't personally agree with them either. I will agree to each their own, but it strikes me as going too far.
I think that sometimes parents just get to the end of their rope. But I am old-school in that I think family business is family business. For example, we have some newlywed family members who everytime they get in a fight, post about it on fb and make scene. Like its not anyones business but yours. Same goes for kids being punished. Dont involve her friends and family in her punishment.
There are many other cases of public shaming not using social media, and I don't personally agree with them either. I will agree to each their own, but it strikes me as going too far.
Good point. I wasn't clear - I'm not a fan of inducing public shame, period, because the action urge associated with shame is to hide (not necessarily to stop doing what one was doing, but to hide it) when what is effective is to face up to the behavior, correct it, and then make amends. (ETA:Also committing not to do it again and coming up with a plan for what to do differently if that type of situation does occur again). Specific to the OP, it makes more sense to me (though I don't agree with it) if the transgression occurred through social media and is answered in social media, than if the transgression occurs in other forms and is answered in social media. At least in the former case, there's a match between punishment and "crime," even if I think there are more effective ways to discpline it. Did that make more sense?
Regarding other forms of shaming, I do think that shaming just to shame is not as useful as dealing with shame that might be naturally occurring from the child correcting the behavior and making amends (the first being more arbitrary and the second being a more natural consequence). In the case of the OP, more like having to make an apology to the mother in front of the friends and/or apologizing to the friends as well for being inappropriate in their presence (I'm just spit-balling here), as opposed to wearing a billboard or involving friends or family on fb who had no knowledge of or involvement in the problem incident.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave5150
I think that sometimes parents just get to the end of their rope. But I am old-school in that I think family business is family business. For example, we have some newlywed family members who everytime they get in a fight, post about it on fb and make scene. Like its not anyones business but yours. Same goes for kids being punished. Dont involve her friends and family in her punishment.
I agree with this.
Last edited by eastwesteastagain; 04-27-2012 at 11:10 AM..
Wow, talk about taking your family business to the town square. Do you think this is an appropriate form of discipline? I can see, maybe, if the infraction occurred on Facebook, but that would not appear to be the case here. Very humiliating and almost bullying rather than discipline in my opinion.
I don't think discipline should be public. If my child is disciplined, the only time someone outside of my family knows about it is if the act she's being punished for has affected them also.
Kudos to the mother for being creative in her punishment. If it gets her point across when other options have failed is within her parenting right. I'm sure that her daughter will think again when being disrespectful. I don't have much sympathy for the daughter. She will get over it. Facebook, cell phones and all the other social media goodies are all priviledges. So many kids are in the entitlement mode and don't think of what a luxury all of this is. You never know what the family situation was. Perhaps the mom was at the end of her rope. Personally, I probably would have cut off her daughter's access to the FB page but who am I to judge? And who are you all to judge?
Should punishments be public? At times yes. We are certainly going public with something my daughter did. She did something that impacted some neighbors. She is writing a letter of apology and going around the neighborhood reading the letter to the neighbors. I don't care if her feelings are hurt or she is embarrassed. Perhaps she will think twice the next time. Call me a bully if you want but sometimes a bit of embarrassment to the child may make them think about their actions.
1. Recognize that you are angry and use techniques to calm yourself down.
2. Realize that your anger can be covering up more painful emotions and try to sort out those emotions.
3. Decode your child's behavior - try to make an I need or I feel statement that tells you what the behavior is really about.
4. Get help. Call a friend. Vent on a forum. Do something that helps you sort your emotions out before you act. If you need a break, try to get your partner or friend to take over for a short while so you can calm down.
5. Distract yourself from your anger so you can think calmly about what you need to do.
6. Think about the fact that children who are acting out may actually need comforting rather than punishment.
7. Remind yourself to think logically. Logic defeats anger and allows you to do something that is productive rather than something that is not going to work.
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